Do you know how to beat a player at his own game?

When I was 17 year's old I met a guy who tried to gaslight/play me. I was hurt at first but used him to learn how to play the game.

1) Never give a man too much information before knowing you. Insecure men will use anything to attack you/lower your self esteem.

2) A man's friends will tell you *almost* everything you need to know about him. Birds of a feather flock together an water seeks it's ok levels.

3) if you're not connecting with a man, don't force it or if something feels off. Water seeks its on levels so obviously you're not compatible.

4) Be wary of men who have female friends or are friend's with their ex's. Most of these men's ex's stick around because they did some emotional damage/manipulative tactics to them. These men have control over these women.

5) don't ever let a man call you dumb, crazy, paranoid, etc. Always trust your intuition, even if it means there is a possibility you could be wrong. Better to put your trust in your own reasoning then someone else's words.

6) learn from watching, observing and listening to other people. The boy who THOUGHT he broke me is actually going around bragging about it. Ignore that too. It doesn't matter how many times you try and reason with them, they'll ALWAYS be negative because they have low self esteem and feed off yours and anyone else around.

7) Be wary of men who have a harem of women around. No really. I don't care what other people tell you. If you see lots of women flirting with a man, avoid his ass. His ego will most likely be very inflated and he'll see you as a option.

8) Don't date popular or ladies man. Never never never. Many women tend to chase after them. However, don't set your standards too low where you're settling for a guy who just can't get a girlfriend because he's socially awkward or whatever. Pretty women will usually swipe up these men fast because they think they're ugly nerds and will do everything anything for a hot girlfriend.

Basically, don't date insecure nerdy or macho men.

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Most Helpful Guys

  • Everyones entitled to an opinion, but let's all realize that you are still 19. Not attacking you but you statements are somewhat politically correct, but could use some fine tuning. For example if a guy has multiple female friends or is still in contact with his ex that doesn't necessarily means he likes to control women or that he seeks attention. He may just prefer that company, or his ex may not know how to move along. A lot of things can and will be taken out of proportion in a woman's view but there's also a lot of women that wouldn't know a good/great man if he was already in there life. I guess every quarter has a 2 sides

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    • Go to hell. There are people twice my age dumb so fuck. I obviously don't give two fucks. Go suck a dick. This question is closed for today. Bye how.

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    • Girl. Your response to this is just confirming what he says. There's nothing even remotely mature about your answer.

    • And I wasn't trying to attack, just state my own opinion. A mature woman probably would have had a better answer

  • Well, I'm definitely not the guy for you. I'm not a 'player', but I play the game.
    1) I never pressure for information someone doesn't want to give. I don't attack someone's self confidence or esteem. It's a dick move.
    2) If a friend isn't talking positively about you to someone who is interested in you, they are not your friend.
    3) This isn't the guys fault. If your not comfortable around me, leave, or tell me to fuck off. Trust me I'll go.
    4) I'm friends with all but one of my ex's. That one I'm not friends with is bat shit crazy. The others choose to stay because we enjoy the company. Some are married, some have other boyfriends. Hmm, guess I did a lot damage, or manipulated them into finding someone else.
    5) Unless it's an obvious joke, as in we are both smiling and laughing. Those words wouldn't come out of my mouth. Otherwise, see #3.
    6) If he's bragging, he's not a man. A man is secure in who he is and can exist without some else's validation.
    7 + 😎) So because I can walk into just about any club or bar and get the attention of a lot of women, I have an inflated ego? Wow, talk about assumption. Maybe I'm just really good at holding a good conversation. A few years ago I was a photographer with a modeling agency, and all of us would go out for drinks after the shoot. I had lots of beautiful women around me who were naturally flirty. But, if you were to talk to me then I would see you as an option, while not knowing anything about you. Gotcha.

    Seriously though. If this works for you, go for it. But, I disagree. I think your making assumptions about people based off one douche bag A-hole encounter. If you want to call out a 'player' all you have to do is check him by throwing challenges in his face "buy me a drink and I'll think about it'" An overconfident dick will get easily flustered, pissy, throw insults back, and then walk away.

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Most Helpful Girls

  • I have a guy at my work who tried to manipulate me. I became super negative around him so he'd lose his own attraction to me. I'd also stone wall him from time to time. Worked for the most part. He doesn't try shit anymore, especially since after I started telling him off, he was telling everyone how mean I was and gossiping about me at work as a final attempt to bring my esteem down. I told a manager. He knows his place now, and other people aren't on his side. Best part was, I never gossiped. He let his intentions known to other people as well. It's still awkward working with him but he knows the boundaries now.

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    • Good, his middle school bullshit has no place at work.

    • I was only 17 and he was 19 years'. Nearly two years' older. Me being nice to him and sweet pissed him off because he was jealous. I was really friendly to him at first and my feelings we're hurt because everyone else thought I was sweet and nice. He was just mean.

      He started rumours about meeting his older friends that I was easy, when I never even did anything.

      After dealing with him for almost 2 years', I was threatening to kill him and his friend threatened to kill me.

      I have a single mom and am the only child. They believed I was weaker to hem because I'm 5 foot and very petite. These men are 6 feet , athletic and older.

      I told my mom I was gonna kill them and she believed me. I was gonna. Until I realized I had to ignore them. Their parents were rich and could sue me for threatening them or press charges.

      He's still calling me a slut to this day, but oh well. I ignore him and write.

  • I might add, never pick a guy who tries to get you into bed the first date. He isn't wanting to know your mind or the person behind the eyeballs, just your body. Of course this doesn't apply if you too are looking for some action the first date. As the OP (original poster) said, birds of a feather.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 48

  • Although there is quite a bit of good advice here, I have to disagree wholeheartedly with the Notion that ugly nerds will be eagerly swiped up by pretty girls (the nerds wish!). Only ones with lots if money would. When they get Girls, it tends to be nerdy Girls (who are perfectly fine, BTW).

    I'd agree that it is best to simply avoid a Player or a slut, but if you know what you are doing, you can string them along and have a Little fun at their expense.

    Also, Friends with an ex is not necessarily a red flag. An ex is one of my best Friends and she is Friends with me because she is nice and we like each other's Company.

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  • In regards to 1: Most people looking for a serious relationship seek someone with at least a few similar interests, and also teasing back and forth is a dynamic that is usually necessary in the long term to keep a relationship going.. be careful not to mistake the two.

    In regards to 2: That statement usually will only hold true while your in High School. Adults usually won't casually gossip, and if they are someone who is friends with player, their moral standing probably isn't high enough to the extent they would clue you in.

    In regards to 3 (You forgot to number it) You need to realize that most people are inherently paranoid, and if people followed this advice, you would be even more likely to end up with a player.. because they tend to actually be more patient than the average person due to the fact they have more than one, and it IS NOT HARD TO HIDE THESE THINGS. Most people who are experienced are wary of being played on so they would show the same 'signs' your talking about too. Patience is a virtue if you want to find someone worthwhile.

    4) Nothing to say about the first part, the part about if an ex is contacting them, it is because they were manipulative... just no. Usually Ex's try to stick around because of guilt or because they still think well of the person. Maybe in some minimal cases that my be true, but usually the person in question (said female ex) was the one 'playing'.

    6) I find absolutely nothing wrong with that statement. You do you as you should. Of course that doesn't mean to instantly disregard the other person's reasoning either, if you don't ever take in other people's reasoning and logically analyse it... that's acting on animalistic instinct, not actual reasoning.

    6, 7) Okay~ maybe, but not sure if it is helpful advise except the first sentence of 6. Majority of girls behave the same way.

    8) You just eliminated the option of dating every guy on the planet. People have a tendency to label things in extremes, usually a person is one or the other if you observe objectively. If you like someone though, then whatever situation they have often becomes the norm you perceive. Even if a guy is popular you will think "oh, but they are not like that." Or if they are not, "oh, but they have plenty of work friends."

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  • sounds more like a controlling/bossy prick boyfriend than a player, a player in my book would just sugar coat all his words, sweet talk you into having sex and then ditch/dump you before you even wake up or just have a bunch of girls behind your back.

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  • Ok so here's the thing. If you want a quality guy that is confident, knows how to make you laugh, attract you, and make you feel comfortable with him, you're going to have to accept you will have competition from other girls. Otherwise you'll get crappy guys who you won't enjoy being with.

    Solution-work on yourself so you are a quality girl that can stand out from the rest. This means more than being naturally attractive.

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    • I have no competition with anyone or myself. I'm running a marathon in my own lane, I'm not racing with anyone. Either you like me or you don't.

      I don't like to hear other people say you have to compete with anyone over somebody. Those men are not a prize, but women treat them like one and tear their heads off over one.

      What's special about these men? Their money? Their car? Their house? I can get that all on my own, so no need to chase or compete over it. Birds of a feather flock together. I'm a boss ass woman so there's a 99.9% I'd already come into contact with many men with similar mindsets as me.

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    • You're right, it isn't 1955 anymore. And that means the moment you give off the "I don't have competition" attitude guys will leave you to yourself and find a better girl.

    • I don't give a fuck who you find. I hope you go find some fucking business to mind. I don't care, I simply do not give two fucks. I ain't competing with no bitch over ANY lopsided stinky dick. Bye you insecure peasant, I've already gave you enough of my time by responding to your insane idiotic comments.

  • It's very easy to avoid players without having to think too much about it - don't sleep with them quickly, and definitely not before you're in a relationship with him. A player will be looking for quick sex, he'll be talking to many other women, and if he'll move on to an easier target.

    Many younger girls I see here say such retarded things. The other day a girl said that she started sleeping with a guy after he said he's not decided yet whether or not he wants a relationship, he needs time to decide, and he just wants to see what happens. She then said that she could understand needing maybe a month or two, but not six, and then she asked why the guy won't commit. Well duh, he was never looking for that in the first place and then you still agreed to sleep with him so he was getting what he always wanted.

    But these days, people have such silly ideas of what's the "proper way" to start a relationship. If a guy says he wants a relationship too early he's somehow needy and moving too fast, but sleeping with each other quickly is somehow normal. Then these girls are surprised when they end up with guys who only fuck and chuck them. These people have their priorities all wrong.

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  • "Pretty women will usually swipe up these men fast because they think they're ugly nerds and will do everything anything for a hot girlfriend."

    Pretty women sweep up ugly, socially awkward nerds?
    I don't know what universe you are coming from, but I'm sure most men would like to know the address.

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    • yeah. except if she means awkward ugly nerds with the riches of bill gates. i can see him getting hotties due to money/status. but poor and ugly nerd. no, i dont see how we'd go for it.

  • You seem to be, erm... a tad obsessed with the idea that men gaslight? Im sure women do it too. Again if your points were in a gender-neutral context, id agree. Mostly.

    What actually did piss me off is your point 4. 70% of my friends are female, and i am in contact with my ex. You can ask them, i have never gaslighted or manipulated ANY OF THEM. As to why my ex is an ex, my parents forced me to break up with her. I dont see any value in emotionally destroying other people.

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  • https://i.imgur.com/14JEqAw.gif

    You will be lonely unless you settle for one of those unexciting and scrawny nerds like bill gates used to be. The difference: They won't be nearly as rich or successful as he is.

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  • Hmm. Or beware of your standards, and learn to walk away from situations which isn't beneficial. Rather than succumbing to a low level trying to get back at each other.

    I think you're a tad too young to exclude every single person in the generalization of "Macho men" "Nerdy insecure" "Ladies friend"..

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  • You can learn as much you want but you will never beat the true narcistic psychopaths unless you are psycho as well. They use different systems of senses to figure you out. It's very natural process for them & very efficient. They literally see trough your personality & weak points with very little communication or insight into you. So many woman victims out there but don't be fooled woman can be totaly insane as well.

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  • I see you have made some points. still try removing your bias though. Things have slowed down but women like me. I'm not a big fan of as whole men that ruin good women. Call them gangsters of love. Wish you luck don't close your mind and just walk away if it don't suit you. I'm sure you will feel different eventually anyway.

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  • Ok, I may have been wrong. At first I thought you maybe had a bad attitude. Then I started thinking maybe you were irrational. I'm revising that, I'm starting to think you're a high level troll after seeing your responses to people. If you're NOT trolling, then I imagine you're just like the New Jersey housewife on South Park.

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  • Well thanks, speaking for insecure, nerdy macho man, we can be nice aswell.
    Don't treat everyone the same ^,^

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  • 'Basically, don't date insecure nerdy or macho men'

    Everything seemed to make sense up until this point, what exactly is left when you eliminate these men? Also what is wrong with being nerdy (albeit: smart, clever, intelligent)?

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    • She didn't say there was anything wrong with being nerdy, she said there was something wrong with being insecure.

    • @sikkboy i wrote what she said in my comment in apostrophes, and she implied something is wrong with nerdy

  • Well, for insecure nerds/ok nerds and macho men, the same could be said for their female equivalents. Additionally, while I agree about exes, simply having femsle friends does not immediately indicate a manipulative man, or vice versa.

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  • 1. Make a false impression.
    2. Use it when in a situation you want him to think he knows what's going on.
    3. Use the right impression when you want him to not know what's going on.
    Also pretty much the rules of being a good lier

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  • Some pretty good advice, some is generalized, not every guy is the same, like the nerd or the mucho guy.

    Hey you need to stop shouting abuse at every guy on this site, who is giving their opinion on the subject, You don't have to agree with them, and they don't have agree with you. Just cause they are giving you their opinion, doesn't mean you should be hurling abuse at people.

    If you don' t agree with them, just don't reply, and don;t take it personally.

    I am sorry you have being hurt by these so dickhead players, everyone has, including myself, I got hurt by women who played with my feelings.

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    • Also you are spot on about don't date a insecure men. A insecure man is a dangerous man to a women.

  • Insecure? Low self esteem?
    Wtf players are the ones who think they are the greatest with a self esteem bigger than what they can come up to.

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    • That is why they have a low self esteem. Someone who has delusions of him or herself has a grandiose ego, which is a selfie defense to his own self esteem

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    • Insecure people are often confused with confidence. And no, I haven’t been played, but I have seen a pattern. I’ve had friends who are players. Most of them end up getting depressed, or suicidal, or highly reckless (for example driving cars too fast). They need people’s approval desperately to the point that they’ll do anything for it. It is sad. I’m not defending players, I’m just saying that people shouldn’t be scared of them. They’re more insecure and miserable than normal people are.

    • And, they’re also not smart. If they were, they’d take care of themselves more. They’d abstain to have sex with someone they’ve lied to, because you never know what that someone might do. I’ve seen players get stalked and stabbed by their former girlfriend or boyfriend. You never know who you’re going to be messing with

  • Player? Girls are the ones playing 24/7 these days smh

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  • Just wanna say, 4 is bs. I am friends with some of my ex's, not because anything bad happened, but because we were friends BEFORE we dated. So how tf does that mean i hurt them or anything?

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What Girls Said 24

  • We could just compile this with: Don't be stupid and tolerate shitty behaviour.

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  • 1) If you have good self esteem, then nothing that someone says to you will matter... Your response is based in fear and insecurity.
    2) Friends do not reflect much of a person. People can have a wide variety of friends who have very little in common with them. They may have met at one age, with a single thing in common, and changed a lot since then. Open minded people can have a massive variety of friends with differing views.
    3) This is good advice.
    4) This is insecure and paranoid reasoning that is not based in fact.
    5) There are definitely crazy/paranoid/dumb people out there who should be called what they are... Some people are really off their rockers and just wrong.
    6) A person can have low self esteem and not be negative. This one person is one person.
    7) This also points to your own insecurity and lack of self esteem. People cannot control who flocks to them. They can only control how they respond. You are not secure in your ability to attract and keep the attention of a desirable person. they doesn't say anything about them. That's more about your personal issues. Big ego is not a bad thing. Confidence is not a bad thing. Being attractive is not bad. Viewing you as a choice is not bad. If a man loves you, then he loves you. Better to get a man because he chose you than because he lacked options and settled.
    8) Socially awkward men make for great partners. They tend to be very loyal. They do not have the options you seem to think they do. Most girls are out chasing the pretty boys.

    Your post is rooted in a lack of understanding of the male psyche. Many of your responses here show that you are indeed insecure and need to work on your self esteem. You would not be attacking people the way you have if you felt better about yourself. People here had very valid concerns about your reasoning. Instead of answering their respectful concerns you attacked people...

    Secure and happy people can date anyone and still succeed. We know when to hold 'em and we know when to fold 'em. Don't let fear make your decisions for you. Don't worry, be happy. You'll find who you are meant to find. Don't over think it. <3 It's not worth the stress. Also, work on getting over your ex. You're still hung up on him and his issues. Let him go. It's poisoning you.

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  • I’m a bit conflicted about your post, here’s why:
    My current boyfriend is a nerd, maybe even the king of the nerds; honestly he reads a LOT, he’s the kinda guy who ONLY get’s A’s, will never settle for anything lower than the heighest, and that’s pretty tough when you’re studying maths (I know that cause that’s my major too). In his spare time he debates on university level and goes to championships, and if that wasn’t enough, he’s also a huuuge gamer- especially a lover of LoL (League of Legends).
    Besides this, he’s also a bit arrogant, and yet he still has insecurities (like we all do). And most of his friends are female. So he basically fits all your “dont’s”, yet we’ve lived with each other for 6 months now (been together for 24), and I couldn’t be more confident in saying that he’s a REALLY great guy, flaws and all, couldn’t be happier.

    My point is, I believe in your experience, hell I avoided the opposite gender as a teen solely because I belived most were too immature to get serious with me. I think you make some good points, it’s just that it isn’t ALWAYS like that, some are more lucky than others, and I definitely think it can go for both genders either way. I’m also not a big fan of “guides” with steps and rules, because as my example just showed, they don’t always fit, so I would just say that you should go with your gut, learn from experience and hope for the best when meeting a new person.

    I’d honestly rather risk having my heart broken, than missing the chance of being with an amazing person, obviously I’d rather avoid getting crushed, but I trust myself enough to know when it’s worth the risk.

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  • How to beat a player-pay him no mind.

    I've never been played because I don't give pretty boys or players the time of day...

    Get a guy who isn't the life of the party, the center of attention, maybe one that's been bullied a little, one who is honest with you, who isn't afraid to show you off, who puts in effort for you, who shows his love, no one is perfect but a man like that won't often hurt you.

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  • Ignore him and his games. Show him you don't care, it drives them mad because theses type of guys are very immature and have big egos they'll get seriously butt hurt over it.

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  • Step 1: Knife.
    Step 2: Their back.
    Step 3: ?
    Strp 4: Profit.

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  • dont these apply exactly the same with player women that surround their selves with "male friends" and orbiters etc?

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  • Nice, but why would I want to beat a player at his own game when I could just walk away? Total waste of time

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  • Thanks for the information, although I disagree with the ugly nerds because in That group there can also be manipulative guys either with girls or they can be a double face with the parents so they can think that they are perfect for their daughters and put them on their side so they can get what they want.

    About the players, that's a good insight, and that's what real life is about them.

    Romantic stories, novels, movies, mangas for girls and women, etc, are just pure fantasies and embellish flaws like agression, jealousy, possessiveness and manipulation while at the same time they put that the naive, virtuous and nice girl can really change him for better and touch the man's heart and have a happily ever after with him. Total lies.

    Unfortunately, many have been programmed in society to see them as good Boyfriend material, and the only way to get a deprogramation is by living it, facing the cold reality and cultivating the own self-steem and independence.

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  • Well i think its crazy that you've learned all this at such a young age, it took me years to figure these things out but then again it just takes the one guy you fall for that is like this to show you. Since your so young im going to tell you to never forget the lessons youve learned and dont allow yourself to get caught in a moment and put your blinders up because once you do its very easy to become consumed by it. At that age i had very strong views of things of this nature and meet a guy who in the short term of it made me put all of my veiws aside because i was believing maybe i was wrong maybe this was my dream come true only to find in the long run of it i wasn't wrong and along the way i forgot all those hard lessons i had learned before them when it all started to reveal itself it appeared to me in a much worse lesson that then had to be relearned as i had to find my self again

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  • Go along with his fuckboy ways all the while not caring about him at all. Make him believe you care. Untill that day when you leave him in the wind he will then start to wonder...

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  • Just dont be bothered with them... why would you waste your time on a man like that?

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  • Girl, yes. Haha so young, but youve already figured it out haha

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  • thats not how you beat a player,
    play the player

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    • I don't like being around men with low self esteem. Most players don't have anything positive going for their life , have low self esteem and know theyre not on your level.

    • well your right about that

  • Loved this. It should become a take.

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  • Never get played. Always be 1 step ahead.

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  • Been there done that yawn

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  • I was as good at it as they were.

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  • Yep. Stop playing.

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  • What if most of his friends are girls?

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