How to end an addictive casual fling that has been going on for months now? I can’t seem to let go because the physical attraction is so intense?

I am seeing this guy who does not want a relationship and I was somehow okay with that sometimes more than others but now I actually am fed up with it. My only problem now is that I cannot seem to end things because the sex is so good it keeps me drawn to him. And I hate the fact that he has this effect over me. I don’t know what to do.
Cause while I am spending my time, focus and energy on something superficial like that.. I may be making myself unavailable to someone who can provide me with a deeper and more meaningful connection. I really am having a Dilemma right here and would like to hear different thoughts on this please!!


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What Guys Said 3

  • Psychologically it seems like he just makes you feel wanted so that's why you keep sleeping with him. Biologically it's addictive because of the dopamine release you get when sleeping with him.
    You gotta remember that he just sees you as a slut, hoe, or some booty call and doesn't really value you at all. He probably sleeps around with someone other than you too.

    • I don’t know how much words count but we actually get along very good. He compliments me on how I am a funny and chill personality and also confines in me so I do think he somehow cares about me and that I am not just a body to him. Actually I don’t feel used since I only slept with him when I wanted (on my terms). But at the end he is emotionally unavailable which is why I never let him get to me too much. Of course I am sad but I think it’s mostly my ego. Do you think I should go along with it and maybe we will both become emotionally invested more or should I reall take him by his words and quit this?

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    • Hiii I replied you ^

    • @nakhrewali your insight is always appreciated

  • Well. I think there's something missing from you that you try to fill with him (pun not intended).

    It's not the right way, but it sure is one way.

    • Lmfao even tho I really am not in the mood to laugh. So what would you suggest on how I should proceed?

    • Well, I used to be addicted to a couple of things (weed, video games). I read Recovery, by Russel Brand, and 12 Rules for life by Jordan Peterson.

      I wish I knew a one way fits all girl, but I don't. Those books are good tho.

  • ''while I am spending my time, focus and energy on something superficial like that.. I may be making myself unavailable to someone who can provide me with a deeper and more meaningful connection. ''

    Even if you did find one, it wouldn't work because of your current addiction, and you will compare him to the other guy. Eventually you'd go back to him, then resent him and yourself for doing so.

    You are trying to fill a void, and this guy is the temporary material, or rather the sex is. Many internal spiritual voids, are often misunderstood and in an extroverted dominant society, the person seeks to fill the void with a physical 'solution''.

    To find the void will mean pain, introspection, reflection, and possibly the most uncomfortable and challenging feelings you've ever experienced... which is exactly why people do not do it.

    • You’re right. I really am trying to fill a void. But I actually do think we could make things work for a long term relationship but I mean when he previously said that he is not looking for anything serious I need to understand that there is no way he will change is mind right? I don’t want to get my hopes up

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    • But I cannot seem to understand what kinda void this would be. After the ugly break up of my first relationship I knew I was not emotionally stable to date right awa so I took the time to heal. It took me one whole year. And that’s when I met this guy. I think my main concern is that I am just not the type for something casual.. In the long run I do prefere and long for a more in-depth connection. He lack this or he doesn’t want to show me to protect himself? Anyway the physical attraction is still there and can’t deny it. Maybe it’s because I am not so experienced in sex and it’s my first time I actually feel pleasure.. I don't know omggg

    • Each void can only be tackled by the individual, but as long as it's ignored, it will always remain. Most people spend a life time ignoring it, or finding ways to distract themselves from it. You said it took a whole 1 year to heal, but more likely you just took a break and then found yourself a new distraction.

      Sometimes it can take almost a whole lifetime to discover the void and to heal. Often it is about the relationship we have with ourselves, rather than others. This website touches on some of the related elements, but it barely touches the surface.

      I think women are at more risk of not discovering their void due to their external power through looks, and this is why when women age, many end up on antidepressants or unhappy... the void.

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