How do you have the "exclusive relationship conversation" and when it is ok to bring it up?

I have been seeing an older woman for the past 3 months and she wants me to come over to her apartment. We have not yet made our relationship official however, we are both aware we want a long-term and like each other. I have never been over to a woman's apartment before in terms of someone I am dating that I see as my official girlfriend. When an older woman invites you over to her place is it appropriate I bring up the exclusivity? Or should I wait until she says something? I am not sure when the exclusivity conversation should be brought up or how one does that. I am not comfortable having sex until we are first exclusive. (Note: I know we may not have sex but if that does happen) Is it ok to reject sex until we are official?

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  • Hey that's pretty awesome. Yeah, if you're not ready, let her know. Your concerns are as legitimate as hers would be.

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    • Thank you! Ok sounds good, I don't want to mess it up because I really like her... if she doesn't become intimate with me when I am at her house... I don't know should I just then wait? Haha

    • I'm sure she would understand

  • Whatever you are comfortable with- just because you're younger than her doesn't nake you a junior partner who has to defer to her. Make your wishes and opinions known.

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    • so when a woman invites you to her apartment what does this say about our relationship? That she sees me as long term? :)

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    • So if we do makeout even if we're "not official" that does not mean I should bring it up because the last girl I dated all she wanted from me was sex and at first she said she wanted a real relationship in the beginning but I am afraid of that happening again... where they land up twisting what they wanted

    • You've got leverage, and it is highest before you have sex. If you aren't ready yet, tell her why. It's perfectly legit- different people have different expectations.

      If the topic of exclusivity is important to you, bring it up when you're Ready to discuss it. If she respects you (a prereq for a relationship anyway), she'll discuss it and you'll come to a conclusion.

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What Guys Said 13

  • If a bitch refused me sex until we were "exclusive," she would be waiting forever. Because I would be out the door and banging a different broad that same day. This is a major change from just a couple of years ago, when I would have 3 or 4 women, each thinking I was exclusive to them. It got a bit uncomfortable when I caught a STD from a prostitute and passed it on to 2 of my exclusive gals.

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  • I discuss exclusivity as soon as sex becomes a part of the relationship. I don't see a need for it sooner, and later makes it impossible to hold your partner accountable for STDs, STIs, questionable pregnancies, cheating, etc.

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  • Who needs this shit? Are you retarded that you can't realize when you've become "exclusive"? You're probably cuddling all the time already, having sex several times a week and calling each other "babe", and then you would think it's ok to start whoring around because you haven't had "the talk" yet?
    FUCK ME WITH A SLEDGEHAMMER... JESUS... I CAN'T HANDLE THIS STUPIDITY

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    • I think this guy has watched too much lesbian porn and is having a steroid withdrawal reaction πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ Holy fek

    • Yep, tomorrow it’s decaf for him.

    • πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

  • Nah, it just should be something that's understood. The way I see it, it's the friends with benefits thing that brings up terms and agreements. It's a trust issue and perhaps you should take the leap.

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  • When you feel it and ready to say it. To me there is no timeline and it's different with every relationship.

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  • A few simple words.. don't over think it, relax, enjoy the evening, let things take its course

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  • Yep its ok to reject.. if u had sex that fast ur mind will translate this woman as a way for fun. not suitable for relationship..

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  • Just talk to her about it. If it's no then you can stop wasting your time.

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  • Sit her down and explain how you feel and what you want to have in the relationship. Too many are wasted on not communicating with one another

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  • I always wait until I 've been seeing the person for awhile. Don't know about before. Its worth talking about though.

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    • Question what is awhile? I’m so new to this I don’t wanna do it the wrong way haha!

    • Well lets say after the first kiss. Then how much am I seeing the person. Once a week, more than that less. I don't try to define the relationship until I feel like we've seen each other for a month. If only once or twice a week would wait longer than a month. You will find your way. I think you last relationship is affecting outlook.

  • What have you guys done aside from sex?

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  • when it it required

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  • l would like to

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