What can I tell my girlfriend so that she can stop smoking?

Ever since the summer began my girlfriend started smoking cigarettes. I tell her everytime to stop and quit. Last night we had an argument in the car about it. She started to smoke and i told her to pull over and not do it in front of me, she said no. Then i took her pack and put it in my pocket. She told me to give it back to her but i did not. She dropped me off home then i threw them in the back of her car. I care for her a lot and i dont want to be rude to her but one of my biggest things is smoking.

0|0
3265

Most Helpful Girls

  • -lSo why did you start with this girl when you knew she smoked, especially if it is a deal breaker? It's like saying I know there are piranha in the water but I'm gonna stick my foot in there anyway. But I'll tell you what some things you can tell her, but it probably won't do any good. For one, smoking is a leading contributor for heart attacks in women. My aunt was a heavy smoker since she was 16. When she was in her 60's she started getting Alzheimers after a heart attack. She had several more over the years and each time she got worse until she finally had to go to a care home where she died. Also women who smoke have their faces go to pot faster than non smokers. My mother went to her high school reunion and said all her friends that were smokers looked way older than the other women from her class. Lastly smoking can damage the health of others in her family from 2nd hand smoke and if she smokes during pregnancy it can affect the fetus in many ways, both mentally and physically. So... of she cares anything about any of this, or about you she will stop smoking.

    and each time

    1|1
    2|2
    • He literally says in the first line in the summer his girlfriend started smoking. That means she wasn't a snoker when they got together. Are you really that stupid?

    • Show All
    • Most people who start smoking have no idea what harm it can do to them and yes, lots of people use smoking to ease their nerves. So what are you going to do if she refuses to stop?

    • Hey! I spoke to her last night and did all the above. I found out the reason why and she said she would try and stop but I have to support her which I will. I also told her that she can save money to fix her car because it runs rough and maybe even work to buying a new one and every $ saved won't go to smokes. She sounded committed to it so we'll see.

  • Well ill tell you that most people start smoking for a reason and its usually because of some sort of problem in their life. Smoking relieves stress and allows you to relax and calm your mind so starting an argument will only make her want to smoke more. Have a real calm and honest conversation with her about what is really troubling her and what made her want to start smoking. Then hopefully you can get to the root of it and help her fix it. But you'll need to remain supportive and actually listen dont make the conversation about you or she'll pull away

    2|4
    0|0
    • Hey, I spoke to her last night and did all the above. I found out the reason why and she said she would try and stop but I have to support her which I will. I also told her that she can save money to fix her car because it runs rough and maybe even work to buying a new one and every $ saved won't go to smokes. She sounded committed to it so we'll see.

    • Well thats great, it doesn't sound like she's been a smoker that long so she should be able to break the habit fairly easy so keep supporting her and itll happen

    • She started this summer but i think she can stop it, she only does it when stressed, so im going to support her no matter what

Most Helpful Guys

  • You went about it all wrong. Regardless of how you feel about them, they were her property. If you're not a smoker, it's hard for you to understand the addiction. Let me try to relate it for you. Think of something that you love to do regularly, like every day. Now think about how hard it would be to stop doing it completely. I'm not saying she loves smoking, but quitting smoking for her is about as difficult as that would be for you. The best thing you can do to get her to quit is to set aside 3 days and make everything as stress free as possible. Yelling at her, making her uncomfortable, arguing, these are all things that cause stress. When someone or something causes a smoker stress, the body goes into "give me nicotine NOW" mode. So the way that you were trying to get her to stop, actually made her need to smoke more. That's another thing for you to understand, to a smoker, smoking is not a want, in their mind and physically to their body it actually is a need.

    This is how I quit.

    I learned that after 72 hours without nicotine, the body's need for it goes away. I went up north, didn't bring any smokes, and sat in that cabin stress free. After that, I knew it was all mental. You need to help her understand that you care about her and want her to quit. Create a stress free environment for her for 3 days. Nicotine withdrawals are real and they're not easy. She will get edgy, irritable, argumentative and maybe even aggressive. But you gotta keep your cool and just support her through that time regardless of how unreasonable she becomes. After that, you should have your girlfriend that doesn't smoke back.

    0|1
    0|0
    • thank you for your advice, ill use it and im going to speak to her tonight

    • Show All
    • Buy her lots of gum, I mean a lot! Have her pick a quit date. On the day prior, throw out all items related to smoking. It will be hard for the two of you for a few days to a couple weeks. the physical being 2-4 days and the psychological and muscle memory need retrained.

    • Exactly right

  • That's just shows she lacks respect and is inconsiderate of your concerns. She can't even wait till your out of the car? Most smokers I know if there's someone who doesn't like the smell of smoke and they're in a confound area, they won't do it. Its bad for her and she'll smell like it all the time, plus smokers taste disgusting. Don't be with a a person who doesn't care for your opinion or her health.

    0|2
    0|0
    • When she gets pretty stressed she smokes. We had a 30 minute car ride and pretty much on the way back i was just telling her to stop and its not good for her. She forsure cares about me. I been with her for 4 years, i know she does love me deep down. She just gets out of it when she's mad.

    • That's a terrible outlet for stress. Plus, nicotine makes you more stressed if you don't get your fix. If someone I love whose opinions I cherish tells me something I'm doing is hurting them and myself and it clearly is, I would immediately reconsider my actions because their concern for me means a lot.

    • I'll talk with her today

Recommended Questions

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 30

  • Well, first of all, demanding her to stop and taking her shit isn't going to make her. She has to choose to stop, and you being a fuckass isn't going to help. All you can do is explain why it's important to you and that you're worried about her overall health, and that you'll help her slowly cut it off.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Okay you NEVER show anyone whose smoking the pictures, and videos, and deaths, etc. Its like showing you the video and pictures of stds/stis everytime you have sex with someone/new partner. These are both covered in health class i promise she hasn't forgotten.

    As a smoker and a non smoker (i have my battles with smoking) have you bothered to ask her why she started smoking? If something has maybe upsetted her in some way? Or if something is stressing her out? Or maybe she used to smoke and she quit and she relapsed? There are a lot of factors here that could have triggered her smoking habit.
    Talk to her. Give her some time. Dont force it i know you dont like it but if you want to keep your relationship with her you want to give her space to make her own decision to quit. It has to be hers or she never will. My dad wasn't a smoker he didn't like them but my mom was a smoker and after years of smoking and quitting and smoking and quitting she finally quit. The same as my grandfather and my grandmother hates hates hates them. My little brother just quit after smoking them for 3 1/2 years. My point is if you really love her and you want her to quit make sure she wants to. Be there and support her. Yeah i know its nasty and i smoke mentols one of the worst flavors to ever smoke. But im telling you something happened to make her start smoking you dont just wake up and think this is the day im going to start smoking cigarettes.
    I started because my abusive ex-husband got out of jail and im sure all these other smokers had a trigger as well. Fairly certain. Good luck!

    2|2
    1|0
    • Show All
    • Hey, I spoke to her last night and was calm and told her its not good and what not. She already knows everything i said as she kinda rolled her eyes lol. I found out the reason why and she said she would try and stop but I have to support her which I will. I also told her that she can save money to fix her car because it runs rough and maybe even work to buying a new one and every $ saved won't go to smokes. She sounded committed to it so we'll see. She only has started for 3 months and so i think ti will be easy but i will forsure support her

    • That sounds great! And a big step in the right direction in many ways! Just remember its going to take time but as long as you stick by her every step of the way she will think "Hey! You know what life is pretty good right now i dont need these today." So on and so forth and she might relapse but its part of her quitting. And keeping her hands and mouth busy helps too bjs work lol but like gum and video games or something.

  • You either accept it or you move on. It's not your right to tell her what to do with her body, even if you don't like it.

    3|4
    0|0
    • ill speak to her tonight

  • You can't force her to stop, but asking her not to smoke in a closed room like a car with you there is a very reasonable request. If she doesn't have that much respect for you, you're a fool to put up with her nonsense. Bring it up in a non-confrontational manner though, or she's sure to get defensive about it no matter what.

    0|1
    0|0
    • she did have the cigarette out of the window but still i told her its not nice to do that because i hate that smell and plus its not good for you. I been with her for 4 years and i know her. She is very respectfull but i guess i made her break with my words and when she gets stressed out thats when she starts, i also should have not taken her smokes cause it made her even more mad. Ill prob talk to her today in a nice way and try and get something out her

    • Yeah, when things get heated you're not even arguing about the smoking anymore, it just becomes a blind battle of wills where no one ultimately wins. I'd say it's odd for her to just start like that at all though, especially since she no doubt knows how you feel about it. Why would she feel she was gaining something that makes it worth all the downsides?

    • I have no clue in all honesty, I'm going to talk with her today and get this slowly settled. Something is behind this

  • Nothing you say or do will get anyone to stop smoking unless they really want to, the pictures that are supposed to have the shcok factor, they don't, stories of tar covered lungs causing cancer, so what were all going to die one day. If you keep hounding her about it you might be doing because you care but you'll just drive her away.

    0|2
    0|0
    • im going to speak with her tonight and seee why she started, i just want her best

  • It's her decision to stop or not and not yours! You should respect her decision. If it really bothers you that much, I'd break up if I were you.

    1|2
    1|1
    • @blackandmint
      In what way can you respect someones decision to smoke?

    • Show All
    • I cannot really leave her cause i been with her for 4 years. We both love each other way too much and as much as i hate to say it lol, smoking alone isn't a reason i want to leave her. We built way too much together. I just want to help her quit because she knows its not good for herself. i dont wanna force her, but kinda make her re-think it

    • She has to be open to the idea of quitting. If she isn’t, then it’s no use trying to make her quit.

  • I would ask her to stop nicely at first, then get serious. Point out all the horrible side affects.
    Show pics, anything.
    And if she says “ it’s too hard” tell her many other people have done and so can she!!
    I know a few people who have quit

    1|1
    0|1
    • What if she says "I don't want to"?

    • Show All
    • Ohhhh I thought the guy that was arguing with me was you!!

    • oh no lol

  • She is an adult. What you did was very controlling and crossed the line. Treating someone like a child being punished by their parent doesn't make people listen. There's nothing you can do to make her stop. All you can do is break up with her if her choice to smoke is a dealbreaker for you. Its gotta be her decision to stop.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Quitting smoking is very hard to do. A smoker will only stop if they want to. My grandfather quit smoking cause he wanted to be around longer for the grandkids. My boyfriend quit smoking cause his mom is dying of cancer, he started & quit again because he stressed about her. He is now vaping & reducing dosage to get off completely. She has to realize on her own to stop. Be patient & talk to her, she might come around.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Communicate, remind her it's not healthy and there are better ways to handle stress. Ask her if she wants to stop this, because it's very important to you and you care about her and want her to be healthy and also yourself too.

    0|1
    0|0
  • I hate smoking too but if it really bothers you that much, give her an ultimatum to leave smoking and keep you or smoke and lose you. Try to tell her to at least not smoke around you to respect your lungs.

    0|2
    0|0
  • Smoking is a bad habbit and useless. Its a nice way to waste all your money and pay to get sick. Tell her to stop this pity party and act like she has a problem so she needs to smoke. I have problems too. But I dont smoke or do weed or whatever. Break up with her. If someone doesn't care about your opinion. They dont deserve to be in your life.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I'm sorry but no, you're in the wrong for trying to get your girlfriend to quit. It's her body she can do whatever she wants to it.

    1|1
    3|7
    • If she was an alcoholic, would he be wrong for trying to get her to stop drinking?

    • Yes, you are right he shouldn't be concerned what his girlfriend does that may harm herself. After all, he doesn't really care so why is he asking? Hey, asker, if she slits her wrists don't worry about it, it's her body and she can do what she wants with it..

    • That's like death acceptance tho if you think of it.

  • If she's acting like a kid and won't do any effort for you or herself there's not much you can do. You're just gonna keep arguing til you can't stand it anymore and leave. And that's when she'll regret it.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Addiction is a sickness that needs cure or treatment. it even modifies someones behaviour just to get it. smoking is one. And when she ones stop it hee body will start Looking for it her body will degrade cause she was dependent on it. Maybe challenger her in a fun and loving way a more mature way of handling her instead of arguing. Get her something she love if she lessens the days she smokes, encourage her to be healthy but not directly targeting her bad habit just start with exercises eating healthy, discipline and then vices. That's also challenge for her if she value your relationship more than the behaviour that's taking a toll in u guys. Be patient.

    0|1
    0|0
  • Her action just showed that you mean less to her than smoking.

    0|1
    0|0
  • Gotta tell her and set your boundaries. Also, help and encourage her but don't belittle her or make her feel bad if u don't like it you know what to do... Bye boy

    0|0
    0|0
  • I would recommend asking your girlfriend whom she learn that from, and let her know that it's not a wise decision to adapt that habit of smoking, since you said she wasn't smoking before.

    Tell her that you love her (if you do) and that you care about her, and one day if she ends up with lung cancer your heart will break. Or tell her that "I know it's clearly your body and you can do whatever you want with it. If you had health problems, you're the one enduring them, why do you think I even care? It's not me. I'll have my lungs intact... I care about you because [fill in the blanks]"

    I think you would have to make it sound sad or emotional enough for her to realize how hurtful her behavior would be to you (and herself). If she's a woman who has the heart of human, she would resonate with that (but won't work if she has that mindset that she can do whatever she wants even if she sounds like a 16-year-old.)

    0|0
    0|0
    • Hey, im going to speak to her actually very soon and yes i do love her and care about her. been with her for 4 years. i will be sure to tell those in a nice way. She is the type of girl to get mad but then say sorry a day later. Infact she did that with me. Sometimes she does let her emotions out a bit too much but i will talk to her and i hope for a good result

  • Threaten to dumb her, if y'all have kids its gonna harm them...

    0|2
    0|0
    • Why make it a threat? He should just do it and move on. I might think differently if they were married, had kids, or had gone through some major traumatic event, but that doesn't appear to be the case.

  • There’s nothing u can do to stop it unless she wNts to

    0|0
    0|0
  • More from Girls
    10

What Guys Said 63

  • well, she will quit smoking when she's one of the unfortunate ones that will get sick because of it.
    Heart, lungs, trachea, mouth cancer, ugly skin.

    But it seems she started to smoke because of a trigger, so question is: what happened last summer that determined her to start smoking?
    Was it something traumatizing to the point she thought I'd do anything to forget this or get over this?
    Or she simply has some idiot friends? But given the age she shouldn't be that easily influenced.

    Returning to disease you can search for videos on pneumothorax (collapsed lung) and how that shit is treated.
    You get a tube inserted in between your ribs and you sit with that for at least 7 days. 7 days of having a chest drain to help the lung heal. the tube is sewed in place with the skin around it.
    You should be able to find plenty of details of how a collapsed lung is treated.
    Horrible thing to watch and go through.
    Many described it as "medieval torture" and it is.

    Tell her it's not that you hate the habit, it's that you hate she hurts herself. Talk to her instead of taking the cigars. She sees the cigars as some kind of relief for something and taking that, she reacts aggressive as if you have something against her getting whatever pisses her off.
    Try to reach the root cause of this whole situation and see if something can be done about it.

    Depending on how much she smokes now, ask her to do it less and see how she reacts and if she's willing to try and change. .
    When she lights one, try and kiss her, keep her busy enough so she has to put that down.
    You know children? When you want something from them and they don't want to comply, so you have to give them something instead.
    I guess it works at all ages with some people.

    If she doesn't understand anything out of this...

    1|0
    0|0
    • small typo on 4th paragrapgh.

      "... and taking the cigars away, she reacts aggressive as if you have something against her feeling better".

  • If you don't want to be with a smoker (perfectly reasonable) then you may have to find a new girlfriend. Smoking in the car? Just yuck. Smoking in a car or indoors literally ruins everything.

    About all you can tell her is that it's cigarettes or you, she can't have both.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Well, go at it from a health viewpoint. Sure, a lot of people will be like, people should be allowed to do whatever they want. But smoking is a major health issue and causes a lot of damage and strain. Just say that your worried about her and that the smoking will cause issues (could be anything really).

    0|0
    0|0
  • You can't make her do something she doesn't want. She obviously knows your feelings about it, and if her feelings and dedication are more for smoking than your feelings, then you either have to get over it and deal with it, or go your separate ways. The arguing will never end any other way, and y'all will eventual get tore apart anyways.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Nothing is what you say. I agree it's a nasty habit, but you don't have the right to force another to change. You can communicate your values and opinion on the matter but it's up to them ultimately.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Unfortunately there is not much you can do for someone unwilling. For me, if I knew she smokes and has no intention of quitting, I wouldn't even consider dating, as it's an immediate deal-breaker.
    Honestly, I urge you to end your relationship. Aside from the fact that she smokes, her actions show a clear lack of respect toward you. And that's something that you should not tolerate.

    0|0
    0|1
  • You can't do anything. However it does not seem like she respects you. Just break up with her and NEVER date women with addictions, no matter what they are.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Nothing really that I know of. Smokers know how bad it is thanks to EVERYONE ON EARTH! The only way she quits is by her choice. Your choice is either stay or go. Plus she seems to be rebelling every time you bring it up, which won't help either of you.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Your duty in dating is to make a determination, to discern, whether they are a match or not. Whether they are worthy of your investment in time and effort. Most will not be.

    You nagging at her about it will do absolutely nothing. I find it astonishing that you think you have any authority over her personal decisions. Such a fool.

    0|0
    0|1
  • Tell her it's either her cigarettes or you. So she might search for a boyfriend, who smokes too because the majority of the population are smokers anyway.
    Just one of the ultimatums, that are in my opinion more or less justified by having decent standards.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Just let her smoke. Let her do what she wants. Be thankful that she didn't kicked you out of her car when u snatched her pack.
    Dude, u need to find out why she smokes. Is it just for Fun, or the stress or she has become an addict.
    If it's for fun, bring her more fun than a shit ass Cigarette. If it's for stress find out the reason and help her out of that. And if it's an addiction, she needs due care. Find out the reason, and act accordingly.

    1|0
    0|0
  • You need to use reverse psychology. Your controlling behaviour merely reinforces her habit. She will stop smoking when she wants to stop, not before. If it's a deal breaker you need to end your relationship. At least that way you are giving her a clear choice instead of trying to bully her.

    0|0
    0|0
  • If she doesn't want to quit, there's nothing you can do.

    Why did she start? If you can find out that reason, it will give you somewhere to begin in addressing the habit..

    Unfortunately, you may just have to dump her.

    (I couldn't tolerate a smoker, either.)

    0|0
    0|0
  • Tell her she's wasting her money, killing herself, and it makes her smell disgusting. It will yellow her teeth, and will make her look older if she keeps at it. Also it's just an unnecessary cost in her life.

    0|0
    0|0
    • I have and she just gets mad. I'll talk to her today in a nicer tone

    • Also, like another commentor mentioned, if she can't smoke in a less enclosed space for respect of you, you should probably leave her. It's a hazard to your health. It's okay if she wants to hurt herself with it, but no reason to drag you down with her.

  • The fact that she doesn't even wait for her cigarette 'til you're out of the car is absolutely disrespectful.

    0|0
    0|1
    • i told her it's not nice to do that, not only for me, but other who dont like smoking.

    • Show All
    • @DashboardLight
      Who are you to tell people what they should and shouldn't do? Especially in their own space. Am I not allowed to smoke in my car with a passenger?

    • @OldDad
      If your partner very much would like you not smoking, with them in the car, which is completely understandable, considering the health risks of smoking or inhaling the smoke of others cigarettes, it'd be at least somewhat respectful to wait 'til you're alone in the car or have reached your destination. Of course, she's not obliged to, but come on...

  • If she doesn't WANT to quit then you're going to have to let it go. It may come as a shock, but there are plenty of people who have no desire at all to quit. I'm one of them. I like my cigars and pipe. And you can't really expect her to not smoke in her own car. Hell, that's about the only place left for us.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Heahea take out the tobacco stuff fill it with little tiny red sticks of firecrackers put the tobacco back and make sure you pack it really good and then whenever she lights one it will blow up lol jk I don't know man

    0|0
    0|0
  • I think rather than it being your big thing, try to think of it health hazard for your girlfriend. I don't support smoking but it's a choice of an individual and if it permits me to suggest something to them. I can always not partake in social group with bunch of smokers.

    I think you should care about its implications in future. Try to ask her to stop smoking because you don't want to see her facing complications. Generally, smoking can be sign of stress and sometimes social fad. Try to ask her is everything alright with her. Talk with her, she may have problem which she isn't sharing with you. Assure her that you will will support her through her problems and smoking issue as well.

    0|0
    0|0
  • You can't change someone else. They have to want it for themselves. Let her go. She not only has no respect for you, she has none for herself. You can do better.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Smoking is something that people get defensive about dude, either break up or put up with it. Trying to convince a smoker to quit smoking is not going to work

    0|0
    0|0
  • More from Guys
    43

Recommended myTakes

Loading...