Why am I called coldhearted?

i am someone who has extremely HIGH self respect. Whenever someone in my life tries to manipulate, disrespect or humilate me. I am done for LIFE. I literally do not give second chances. For example... i had a a friend last weekend who i have known for a year manipulate a situation and humilate me infront of others... i immediatly cut contact amd kicked her out of my life... she called me a cold hearted bitch for not wanting discuss the situation and resolve... i told her no. Why? cause she knew damn well what she was doing.

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What Girls Said 1

  • That's not self-respect, sir. It's your ego that needs to jump off a 50 story building.

    Your problem is that instead of biting the bullet & facing any form of rejection, you counter it by cutting people off. You will never connect with ANYONE with an attitude or character like that.

    That's not how you communicate your boundaries. The truth is, your feelings get hurt, & then your reaction turns into anger to cover up the hurt.

    It's pretty normal for men to get hurt & to be sensitive, much more so than women - we're used to dealing with emotions, men aren't, so they cannot tell hurt from anger. I'm not in any way judging here, it's constructive criticism, out of all respect.

    You sould just be vulnerable - how? Through communication. If people do something to upset you & you're never vocal about it; they won't know what they've done wrong until you actually tell them. In this particular case, you should tell the girl that she disrespected you by doing "xyz", & that you deserve better treatment. If she reacts aggressively or insults you instead of apologising, then you can go ahead & cut her off. If she apologises, give her a chance. Nobody will say or do the perfect thing all of the time, it's impossible & it's unrealistic to expect people to do that. However, once boundaries are in place & communicated, they will refrain from doing so in future.

    You have to give people a chance in life, sometimes they don't know how much their behaviour affects the feelings of others until they are told about it. They will then have two choices:

    1) They will step up to meet your standards
    2) They won't, good, filter them out, next.

    You're welcome.

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    • I did tell her how it made me feel... she became violent and cursed me out

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    • yh but am i too harsh? am i overreacting? did i do the right thing?

    • by the way im a girl

What Guys Said 1

  • I don't think that it's cold hearted, I think that it's the opposite. It sounds to me like you are greatly affected by what people do, or at least have been in the past, hence you don't give any second chances. You shut up shop immediately before you can get hurt.

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    • i dont it is cold hearted it is boundaries. I have been hurt in the past a lot.

    • As I've said, you've been hurt in the past and hence you now have a defence mechanism. You cut people out at the first sign of trouble.

    • Agree 100%.

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