Help! I always run away from guys and end up hurting them. How can I stop doing this?

I'm 22, and I have never been in a relationship before, though not for the lack of opportunities to. I want to fall in love, I want to do couple things but every single time the possibility presents itself I freak the hell out. Like, literally being terrified of the prospect, dreading to reply their texts or to meet them, and a general feeling of anxiety that pervades the very air. Even if I was interested in them before, I just suddenly stopped being interested. When this happened, I used to avoid the guys while dropping subtle hints that I wasn't into them anymore (or at all, when I realized they liked me) but they never seem to really get it and things drag on for weeks before I finally tell them straight up. Lately, I think I have gotten better at it and quit this avoiding mentality and be upfront and honest to guys but I'll still feel terrible about hurting them. A close friend has also told me that because I'm well cute, and always so friendly, guys are attracted to me and I kind of end up leading them on even though I don't mean to (and I'm friendly to everyone in the same way I swear). Recently I got drunk and lost my v card to a guy in a one night stand. Or at least it was a one time thing on my part but I think while I was drunk I might have led him on and I heard from a mutual friend that he's feeling really sad right now after I told him that I wasn't into him that way. (To be honest, I was attracted to him and he was really nice and sweet and considerate but also he seems to be a playboy and I don't know if I want to commit and truthfully, the crux of it is that I'm just terrified of things becoming serious). What is wrong with me?
  • Emotionally unavailable?
    Vote A
  • Philophobia?
    Vote B
  • Intimacy issues?
    Vote C
  • Others
    Vote D
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What Guys Said 1

  • I think you're just afraid because relationships are something you know nothing of yet. It's normal to be afraid of the unknown. You can't know for sure there's something wrong with you until you try to be in a relationship with a guy you want and think would be good for you. When that happens, all this fear might go away.


What Girls Said 1

  • It sounds to me like maybe you could use some advice from someone who has a successful marriage/long term relationship. Ask close friends or family to see how they were able to figure out what kind of person was right for them, where they found love, how they stay connected to their partner. I never had a good role model for relationships and I had to learn everything through trial and error. I do not recommend that path. Maybe you could find a mentor to help show you what works and give you real guidance or maybe read some relationship books. It sounds like you're trying and are willing to work at it. Just be patient with yourself. I have no doubt that things will get easier for you as you learn and mature.


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