I want a relationship but I push everyone away?

My last girlfriend and I went through it all. Her cheating literally 30+ times (physically) kind of left me feeling worthless. I never cheated and didn't have the heart to leave her. I was in love and it honestly broke me down to nothing. I finally left after 2 1/2 years, not having sex in the last 18 months, and I haven't felt the same since. Not blowing my own horn but, I'm not ugly. 6'3 195 and muscular and I've been told by many, and many ex's as well would say I'm a kind and genuine person. I don't know why I'm doing this but, every time I get talking to someone I just push them away. I guess what some would consider "ghosting" is pretty common with me. I've tried talking to her and getting "closure"... But I end up finding out new things and start from square one again. Like her being on Meth and fucking everything that has two legs. I can't help but feel like I did something to cause this all. I don't know what to do to make this feeling go away and be able to start over fresh with someone. (I go to therapy weekly due to a multitude of things. I have PTSD and recently was told I have anxiety. A lot of this comes from my abusive childhood which I've come to terms with so me and my therapist don't think it's related to these feelings or current issues. )

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  • It doesn't sound like you had a girlfriend, it sounds like you had a turn.

    Try to find someone who doesn't have a addiction issues, and realize that sometimes people suck.

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    • Now that you put it that way 😂 I mean the majority of the cheating happened the last 8 months. I've met plenty of girls who are both financially and emotionally stable. Intelligent and attractive. Had some really good connection. Just couldn't follow through. I don't know what it is holding me back.

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