How do you NOT get emotionally attached?

How do you avoid getting emotionally attached too soon to people you are romantically and/or sexually involved with? I always seem to catch feelings too soon and then get hurt when the person either doesn't return my feelings or cheats on me or both. Any advice?

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Most Helpful Guys

  • As sexually, I rarely had few hookups and mostly whenever I had sex with people I liked, I actually did it with love and pleasure. After a while, you start thinking about that person, starting to feel jeaalous even if there is someone different than you. This had happened me once to me for a girl and I didn't want her to flirt with anyone or sleep.

    She did ignored me and slept with someone another and I didn't meet her again. I am a hatred person that if I am done with someone, I never have the same exciment and feelings anymore. My breakups are always more easier than my crush times. When there is hope, my life fully starts connecting to her and I behave more sensitive. In the end, like a month later she wanted to date with me and I had rejected on that time.

    My suggestion would be, no matter how hard or accurate you pick, if people want to be selfish or use you, they will always do that. They will do that to me or to others either, we'll just continue living like what we believe is right. Isn't always the same, at the beginning, everything is great but then.. Things start turning to bad and they seem careless about us, but the thing is it is always us in all relationships who are ready to sacrifice.

    Don't feel guilty or something is wrong at you, there is nothing wrong with you. There are many beauties with you, they just couldn't know your value and there is nothing we can do about that.

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    • I do feel guilty sometimes. Thanks :-).

    • You just wanted to believe what you felt was right. It was their fault to disappoint you and for that, we have nothing to do. We sadly cannot control people, that is exactly why you shouldn't fee guilty. They should be the ones feeling guilty. They are the ones you laugh at their back, just don't feel so. You are more than that. You are worth to more. :-)

  • OMG! Are you SERIOUS?
    Are you sure you're not some alternate female version of me?
    Because I'm exactly the same way. Jesus Christ!

    You can't fight your feelings, but I have learned not to let them know to soon.
    At the same time, if they DO like you and you wait too long, you'll end up friendzoned. And people of give mixed signals.
    But from my experience, people don't usually start to have feelings for someone after a couple days. Unless you're me or that crazy chick.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I have had 2 black FWBs.

    32 yo had a 46yo blonde plastic cougar so I was just a skinny butt distraction

    55yo was divorced and for about 2 years, we were just friends with benefits. Nothing more.

    Then he decided he wanted me to have his baby, actually a lot of babies, but only joked about it. He had some of his ex-wife's BC pills and gave me them when I ran out. ONLY they were sugar pills and I got prego within two months.

    He convinced me to keep the baby but I miscarried at 4 mos.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 26

  • Jedi Mind Trick.

    Seriously, it is really difficult to do, but of you keep your feelings at bay by being catious and remembering past foibles, it's possible.

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  • I think it is almost impossible to not get attached to someone that you are romantically or sexually involved with. In fact, I would think it would be unhealthy to learn how to do so even if there was a way. You want that to happen in a real relationship. If you learn how to die to that then how will you be able to experience it later? I suppose again it is my opinion on the question. But I think that trying to do that would be harmful to your future relationships.

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    • You're probly right. I'm just tired of getting hurt.

    • Yeah, it does not sound fun. I am sorry to hear that you keep finding yourself in those situations

  • I honestly don't know, it's just something that you have or learn. I am able to let people come and go without issue. I accept it as part of life. I don't avoid people, I don't avoid risks, but I just don't fear getting hurt and invariably I don't. I am very centred.

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  • I try and keep that part of me separate almost. So I keep a distance to my deeper feelings. Sometimes girls get hurt by it or get angry or confused by me because I don't share my emotions if I don't want to. Or I feel a bit distant or that I just want them for sex or so forth. But until I feel that the deeper feeling for her is mutual for me and it's not just talk, then I usually try to resist being too emotional. It's funny, I don't really have a method, I just get stubborn with my emotional gate I suppose you could say and close it more, something akin to the release slats on water damns I guess. I guess that's the best way I know to explain it. I'm practiced from growing up being judged so much and observing things throughout my life. I can pull back my emotions pretty easily when I have to, or just get really cold I suppose and lock them away, so then I'm just back to an acquaintance. If you want to fuck around and play games, go find someone else to toy with. I'm the last person that's going to happen with.

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  • Hmmm... I loathe the expression "catch feelings". It makes it sound like a disease, or something you don't want and can't control. How do you STOP it? You remove yourself from the dreamworld called "romance" and you DON'T get sexually involved too quickly !! Women as a rule make the great mistake of thinking that when a man has sex with them early on and says sweet things, it necessarily means he really, really cares for her! It doesn't sweetie... it "might", but it's not likely. What IS likely is that you're projecting your romantic fantasy onto the situation and "hoping" it all works out, because you got sexual with him !! Your "emotions" come from your thoughts, and what you're thinking is not often consistent with what's going on in the real world, especially with him. Slow yourself down and let him show you that he's for real by doing the things that really matter, not just being sexual and "romantic". Keep your heart open but keep your eyes, ears and open too. Don't let fantasies get the better of you.

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  • Yes. Don't go into bed together lol... women get attached after that and men retract usually unless she's everything he wants...

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  • Slow down the sexual involvement. Those attachment feelings are hormonal driven which come from sex. Sometimes we desire companionship so much we look for a good candidate. Play a little hard to get, be mysterious but yet available, not pursuing. You’ll be fine

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  • Speak in generalizations and don't give out your personal information.

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  • I have been through a lot of shit that I am keeping my feelings bottled up. I don't want to get into another fucked up relationship and end up losing everything again. Twice was bad enough.

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  • Just don't let the feelings in.

    Bolt the door.

    Close the blinds.

    Pretend no one's home.

    *sigh*

    You can't help what you feel. Just be careful about how you handle them.

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  • I'm basically in a turtle shell unless I can actually see myself caring about them and them returning the favor.

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  • Become like the German. Follow Japenese Robots. Both references are purely humourous. Not with any oblique reference or intent. (Advisory)

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  • better not to expect and or wish them the very best... then all becomes luxury

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  • Not talking to them much, not digging out much, cutting to the chase and minding my own business.

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  • Thinking about how the relationship would go
    But think in the worst way possible

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  • Easy. I have very low self esteem. I had no chance with them anyway

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  • I loved once, and she broke my heart
    That's all happened in my whole life

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  • Do NOT say, I love you back

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  • It's as simple as not getting involved

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  • You would have to have a cold heart

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  • think of it as fun, not something that you need

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  • I have the same problem

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  • Humans get emotionally attached for a reason. Be careful with not wanting it because sooner or later you might find yourself not being able to be attached to anyone.

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  • Fuck and run. That's what I do.

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  • If you get feelings too quick you have to change your behaviour, or decide to take the risk. Everyone is choosing their risk. If you don't like risk but keep doing things like everyone else, then quite simply, you don't respect yourself. Personally I need to slow down the sex until I've checked of some boxes. And I know the woman looking for will respect that as long add I show I have a pulse :)

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  • I think for women it tends to be harder, I don’t really know how to answer that question. For most women there has to be some feelings there to sleep w a dude. A majority of us men can compartmentalize, meaning we have that ability to keep the physical part of sex separate from feelings.

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What Girls Said 4

  • View them as puppets or playtoys. ( disposable )
    Don't put them in a spot in your mind as a option to be with

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  • I had the same problem in the past. But, not anymore because I am very upfront with the person who I plan to have a relationship or sexual arrangement and encourage him to open and honest as well. If, he can't do that and tell me who he really is and what he's about, I don't get involved. Some people hide their true intentions or desires because, they aren't really serious about a person or are looking to use someone and I have found through personal past experiences that these people can be very vague or clam up when you ask them what they REALLY want or what kind of person they are.

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  • I wonder if anyone here has the answer... I fall fast, and fall hard!!! x

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  • You can't change who you are.

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