He’s using Tinder on vacation. Is it fair that I’m bothered by it?

I’ve been seeing this really great guy for about six weeks. He’s sweet, attentive, and very much a gentleman. He just got out of a very long-term relationship (ten years) so we’re taking it slow, which is nice. His actions and his words align, and he’s made it clear that he’s interested in moving forward with me. We haven’t had any clear discussions about a relationship, but it’s too early for that. He left for a trip a couple days ago and I recently realized that he is using tinder. A friend asked what he looked like when I was telling her about how great everything was going, and I opened tinder to find that he had updated all of his pictures and his location had updated as well, which means he is actively using it.

He has EVERY right to use the app and date people because we haven’t had any discussion about exclusivity. However, I can’t help but feel a little hurt/offended/turned off by the whole thing. It may be his right to do that, but I also don’t have to be okay with him clearly looking for an easy pit-of-town hookup. I don’t know if that’s fair and I’d love some other perspectives on this. Girls and guys, what do you think and how would you feel?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • You are being very presumptuous that he is using it for a 'pit-of-town hookup' as you call it. Not everyone uses Tinder for a cheap hookup.
    by the way, I don't buy that 'a friend asked you what he looked like', so it appears you spend time on Tinder as well.

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    • “Pit-of-town” was a typo, so thanks for catching that for me. 😉 And yes, I was just on there to show my friend since that’s the only social media platform we’re connected on. But I absolutely changed my pictures and started swiping again once I saw he had done the same

    • Don't see anything wrong with you doing that. Depending on how you feel about this guy you might want to give him the benefit of the doubt. Like or not until you define the relationship (which is always tricky) you are kind of vulnerable.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I mean, yeah, he has every right to, but, if he has agreed to "move forward," then realistically, he shouldn't be searching for easy pussy. That's not usually what people do when they have intentions with another. But, you guys aren't exclusive, so, I guess he can.

    So, in short: Yes, you can be upset about it and tell him he has the right to do what he wants, but you don't want to be involved with someone who is actively seeing other people.

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What Guys Said 1

  • The fact that he is using it says that he isn't sure you are what he needs or wants, regardless of if you had the exusive conversation. It he was happy with what he had he wouldn't look for something else

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What Girls Said 2

  • If you haven't decided to be in an exclusive relationship, then I guess you aren't in one so he's not really cheating. But if you want an exclusive relationship, you should have that talk with him so you're on the same page.

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  • Yes it is fair
    Because he is cheating on u
    End ur relationship

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