How do I get him to do the small things without starting a fight?

I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years. We both have kids and we are at the point where we spend a lot of time as a family-weekends, family vacations etc. He is a very sweet and loving man and I adore him, his family and his son. My problem is I am losing it with his lack of follow through with the little things.

We do not live together so there are days we do not see each other. If something big happens on this day like a job interview or doctor appointment he will text to ask how it went; he doesn't call. We have talked over this time and time again and he will fix it for a short period of time and then falls back into the poor communication, texting.

He doesn't plan ANYTHING! Aside from what he's making us for dinner or the obviously important stuff like my birthday trip I plan everything. I book and plan our vacations, outing with the kids and even the small things like grabbing drinks with friends over the weekend. He can and will plan golf with his friends but when it comes to us I feel like he just knows I will always figure it out.

He doesn't follow up on the "hunny do list" things I ask. He "fixed" lights in my kitchen over a year ago that need to be calked and he said he would finish the job... it's been over a year.

We have talked about these things and he says he loves me and knows I deserve more but it's just not him. I see this as a major excuse but there are examples of it everywhere that prove this to be true. He was given a very expensive hot tub over a year ago and it's still empty in his backyard. He has no drive and no follow through. How do I make him realize he needs to step it up a little for me and for us? Do I just focus on me and stop planning so he feels the change? I don't want to fight but I do want a change.


Most Helpful Guy

  • What you see is what you get.

    Men Marry Women with the Hope They Will Never Change. Women Marry Men with the Hope They Will Change. That's the pity.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Only you can say how much you want to put up with. You say you've talked to him, then make a consequence. If he can't do the things he says he is going to do, there should be a repercussion. As for getting him to realize that he doesn't put in enough effort, he has already proved that will never change because you have shown him that as long as he does it for a little bit, it will shut you up and life will go on.
    I understand you have been together for a while, but you have to ask yourself if you want the rest of your life to be like it is right now because that is what you have to look forward to.


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What Guys Said 2

  • Your expectations are far too high

    • I don't think wanting a phone call after an important day to see how it went is asking too much.

  • Have a talk with him


What Girls Said 1

  • Wow, well it's certainly a good job you're not living together, for I do believe you would have very son separated.
    Maybe a Short, Sharp, Shock might just do the trick, like suggesting you both take a break from each other.


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