Boyfriend doesn't remember our anniversaries. Any personal advice from people who have been in long relationships?

My boyfriend never takes me out/remembers our anniversaries. We've been together for 3 years now, and I just wish we went to lunch or dinner to celebrate it. And, if I "remind him" and we talk about it, he'll definitely take me out. The problem is, I want the idea to come from him. It'll mean more if he spontaneously surprised me.


I don't feel TERRIBLY bad, because we're both busy college students. But I've seen so many cute anniversary celebrations on tumblr, instagram, etc. I know he appreciates being with me, but we've been going out on dates less and less compared to the beginning of our relationship.



Also, if I bring this up to him, he'll say "well, you didn't surprise me or take me out either! It's not just my anniversary."

0|1
1662

Most Helpful Guys

  • Put a calendar on the wall and write in caps that it is the anniversary date.

    2|1
    0|0
    • I laughed hard at this! hahahha That's a great idea!!! Thank you!

    • No problem- hope it works!

  • Well one, he does have a point, what have you done to surprise him? I'm not saying you have to, not saying you should but do consider that next time you feel bad about him not doing anything special for you (yes some times guys want to feel special). Two, not everyone is good with dates, I personally can't remember much if any of them as time tends to blur for me (I've actually had it where I worked half a day, saw the date and it took me several minutes to figure out why that date was important (turned out it was my birth day). So that's also something to consider (also being a busy college student I'm guessing he is busy and poor so again, I wouldn't anticipate much given the circumstances). As long as he is a good guy the rest of the year (which if he isn't, why would you be with him?) then I would say let it slide or just remind him a couple of weeks in advance.

    0|0
    0|0

Most Helpful Girls

  • The thing is, he may not realise that's what you want. Not celebrating it doesn't mean a lack of care, it could simply mean he plans on long term.

    0|2
    0|0
    • If he actually planned long term, then maybe he would have something planned beforehand...

    • No, because some people plan longer than three years. Its not a true anniversery, its just fake people who celebrate it because they are getting closer to the end 😂😂

  • If he forgot your wedding anniversary that would be one thing but the anniversary of your first date or first kiss is not something you should be worried about. Some people just aren't good with dates. How he treats you on a regular day says far more about your relationship then how he treats you on some appointed "special day." All those days after are what made your relationship what it is. Try to focus on that instead of focusing on the highlights of someone else's relationship. You don't see their low points.

    0|1
    0|0

Recommended Questions

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 60

  • My sis-in-law talked to me about this. My brother is stupid, and forgets everything. Like her birthday and their anniversary. He's not a jerk on purpose. He just doesn't remember. So she got into reminding him. Like, "Next week is my birthday. Are we doing anything?"

    0|1
    0|0
  • Tell him how you feel, again, and that it's important to you, as it is to most girls. If he can't remember, tell him to put it in his phone calendar for next year. Saying "it's not just my anniversary" is lame. As the male part of the relationship, he needs to consider the needs of the female half, and do what is necessary to remember.

    0|0
    0|0
  • So you essentially want him to initiate and do all the work when the so-called "anniversary" should be about the both of you.

    He's right you know, you don't surprise him or take him out either and you hold him to ridiculous, asinine standards you get from these fairytale depictions of relationships on the fucking internet.

    Grow up.

    0|2
    1|0
  • Stop comparing your relationship.

    It's toxic.

    That cuteness rush you get from everything else is not an accurate depiction of how relationships are, that's story time via the internet that gives you positive vibes.

    Think about this for longer than a few minutes: How do expectations of something spontaneous happening, not get disappointed?

    If you don't manage your expectations better you're going to abuse him out of your life. Stop playing cute, you're an adult now. Happiness is earned.

    0|2
    1|0
  • Honestly if you want a surprise date take him on a surprise date he will feel bad and think of a really big date for you guys and surprise you but give him some kind of memorable reward after he takes you out he will start linking the reward to the date

    0|0
    0|0
  • I do the same thing and I always feel really bad. I can't say how to help him remember but don't guilt trip him because I'm sure he already feels bad about forgetting. He is probably just forgetful and clueless. If he's like me, he forgets his own birthday and other important dates as well.

    0|1
    0|0
  • I think you might have unrealistic expectations on Instagram and Tumblr everything is like painted perfectly. Grass is always greener on the other side.

    Just be glad you have a boyfriend at your age I was alone, no future and feeling depressed 12 years later nothing has changed.

    If he loves you and at least doesn't cheat on you you have something most people won't get ever

    0|0
    0|0
  • Well, I see the real problem is that you aren't feeding your love.
    One question, what does he make him feel more in love with you?
    Start feeding it, and when things come better, let him know you feel more in love with him when he remembers those things.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Do anniversary's dictate your relationship? If your love transcends time does time really matter? I don't remember things that well but I enjoy the people I'm around.. Doesn't mean I care less though. If those dates are that important to the point where it could ruin your relationship you might want to either talk it out with him or find someone that will remember the important dates

    0|0
    0|0
  • Don't go for formalities of date and occasions just whenever you feel to go out and he is not so eager , yourself plan it go out and enjoy important is to enjoy rather then counting it's his duty or who initiated.. just enjoy the small span of life we have got

    0|0
    0|0
  • I would say how he treats you on a normal day is far more important. If you love him and that sort of thing doesn't matter to him you're going to have to learn to live with it. If it really bothers you you need to find someone who cares equally as much about arbitrary dates on a calendar.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Anniversaries are superficial. There is no real meaning behind them. But of its important to you, just say beforehand "our anniversary is [day]. We should [do this thing i want to do]." There is no sense in staying silent, then getting offended when he doesn't remember.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Yes why has he always got to be the one to take you out, take him out for your anniversary. He could ask why you never take him out for your anniversary. Also I know for me personally anniversaries literally don't mean anything, girls seem to put more emphasis on these things.

    0|0
    0|0
  • As a guy whose been in multiple long relationships, it's not easy to forget something that meaningful. Not saying he doesn't love you but if he truly did he would remember. If I were him I'd want to do everything and anything I can to make my girl smile and happy. And that means surprising her!

    0|0
    0|0
    • At 20, "multiple long relationships" means jack squat. Even at 40, to be fair. But you haven't got the faintest clue how many things and how much can get between you and the memory of the first time your hands touched. Even if that's a big deal to you now, it's completely meaningless to both of you in under 10 years, guaranteed. There is SO much value in your future that the bulk of your relationship with the past will become laughable. If it doesn't, your relationship is DOOMED, guaranteed.

  • Fairy tale B's on Instagram is not a litmus test for your relationship. Try getting a calendar and write anniversary dates in it so he can see it coming. I have reminders on my phone for this reason. I know important dates. But visually it helps a lot

    0|0
    0|0
  • One thing is that he forgets it, and it could be you just have to accept the fact that he's best side is not remembering

    Another fact is if he don't want to that's completely different and it is definitely not a sign of a healthy relationship

    0|0
    0|0
  • Well then why always wait for him to do so? Ask him if he's free tonight and if he says yes then just surprise him and take him out.

    1|0
    0|0
    • Being college students, makes relationship harder as you both try to build a world for you two. It can also be like the spark is getting lost but don't worry you can create it again.

  • Do you remember the dates of his special occasions? No, why is it always about what you consider to be important dates. What about the dates he considers to be important?

    0|1
    0|0
  • Its normal for some people to forget, for me it was my girl that forgot and it does hurt but they are still dating you so dont let it affect you unless its the big milestones like 10 years or something! Even 5 years is something special

    0|0
    0|0
  • Anniversaries are bullshit.
    Just an invention to make you feel like you need to spend money on each other.
    The ONLY thing that matters is how you feel together on the everyday.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Honestly I don't care about that sort of events. A reletionship does not become important become it's been a year..2 or 20. Or it's every day or any day.

    0|1
    0|0
  • How can he spontaneously surprise you if he takes you out to dinner on your anniversary?

    0|0
    0|0
  • I've had 6 years relationship. We tried our best to have something special for that day every month. We broke up though. So I guess it's not that important after all

    0|0
    0|0
  • So why don't you sit him down and talk about it and see where that goes remember communication is the key he can't fix what he doesn't know is broken

    0|0
    0|0
  • He has a point. What effort do you put in on these anniversaries? Plan something together next time if it bothers you.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Some guys are like that, never remember but doesn't mean he thinks any less of you

    0|0
    0|0
  • Anniversaries? You’ll run into people who only celebrate wedding anniversaries and just don’t care about the rest.

    0|0
    0|0
  • When me and Samantha got together it had been a long time coming no pun it'd) there were a lot of people who thought we wouldn't last two minutes everyone though I'd end up back in jail the funny farm or worse. But we finally got together she is half paralysed from a car. So there was no dinners cinema anniversary. Again everyone said I'd get tired of caring for her. But nobody knew how I really felt about Sam. Like someone's put an angel on earth just for you. She had successful surgery w months ago and is up and walking and we've been everywhere together and it makes it that much more special. The point I'm trying to make is there are no half measures if your truly in love. You should be made to feel special

    0|1
    0|0
  • You are probably way more outgoing I'm assuming. Tbh that doesn't sound like a healthy scenario if you put value in events like that.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Maybe change things up abit and you initiate by surprising him? Im sure he will reciprocate somehow.

    0|1
    0|0
  • Show more from Guys
    30

What Girls Said 14

  • My boyfriend can't even remember how old I am (or his own age even) and in the whole 6 years we've been together we haven't celebrated a single anniversary. Yeah it kinda sucks but its the stuff that we do together everyday that really matters. Ex: laughing at each others dumb jokes, binge eating, watching movies or our favourite shows. But, if its important to you then it should be to him too.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Don't listen to these "you should break up with him" or etc., because that's a very bad excuse. Well, 3 years is a long time and you're definitely in love. He doesn't remember your anniversaries, is this that bad? You can suggest to do something by yourself it's not necessary to make a problem out of nothing. I know, you want him to take you out somewhere, but hey, you're a big girl and you understand that it's not that big of a problem. When you think of it, it's not that bad actually...

    0|1
    0|0
  • I think anniversaries are kinda dumb. Some people just don't remember or don't care. But that doesn't mean he doesn't care about you.

    Another tip: stop comparing your relationship with other people.

    1|3
    0|0
  • Tell him you would love to go out on a date with him or that you think it is so sexy with a man taking charge and surprising his girl. Pre frame the behavior that you want to see more of. And then go get him a calender and a marker!😄

    0|0
    0|0
  • Write it on the calendar and color that date with a fluorescent marker so he will.

    1|1
    0|0
  • I don’t remember my wedding anniversary. Just remind him. You’re working yourself up.

    0|2
    0|0
  • Anniversaries are a day for both, so a month before sit down together and plan something special.

    0|1
    0|0
  • Boys are just dumb like that. I've never heard of a guy that remembers anniversaries

    0|1
    0|2
  • Girl I don't think that guy feels the same spark you feeling, he doesn't love you babe

    0|0
    0|0
  • Ask him if he happy an if not break his hear an say f u

    0|0
    0|1
  • Why should he? its not like you're married

    1|1
    0|0
  • Put a reminder on his phone 😂

    0|0
    0|0
  • My boyfriend always remembers I never do and don't give shit, I still love him but like yeah he obviously loves me more

    0|1
    0|0
  • While what he replies to you in the end is true, and wouldn't hurt you to surprise him once to see if that changes his mindset, you can also tell him the difference is that he doesn't care about it and you do.

    0|0
    0|0
    • by the way of he does care and he's just forgetful, you can also get a countdown to your anniversary app from the appstore/playstore on your phones. Recommend that. My boyfriend and i have ome that also tells us how many months/day/years we've been together :) we like it haaha

Recommended myTakes

Loading...