Girl is too shy to do more than kiss, what should I do?

I have been seeing a girl for a couple of months, and we always have a great time when we are together.
However, I have a problem which is that progress seems to have halted in terms of the physical/sexual acts she is comfortable to do together.

At first we would just hug hello and goodbye. Then we progressed to holding hands, and I would kiss her on the cheek. After about a month we started kissing on the lips, although she always kept her lips closed.

For the past month basically there has been no progression. I tried a few times to move to the next step by initiating a french kiss (ie tongue on tongue), but she always kept her lips together. Eventually I asked her why this was, and she said she finds the idea of another person''s saliva unhygienic.

I was trying to think of how to progress to the next level, so the other day we were hugging, and I slid my hand down her back and touched her butt. She immediately became very tense, so I took my hand away and asked if she liked it. She simply said "I'm shy". We went back to hugging and she relaxed. So I began slowly sliding my hand up towards her boob. She stopped my hand and said "Not there". I also tried kissing her on the neck but again she looked uncomfortable and said she was shy.

Therefore I am not sure what to do next. I really like this girl, but I don't think I could be happy in a relationship with someone who would never want to do more than kiss. Does anyone have any ideas about what I could do to make her feel comfortable to be more intimate?

Are there any girls out there who used to feel this way, but then became more comfortable? If so, did this just suddenly happen one day? Or was there something a guy did to make your feelings change?

I am slightly worried that she may simply not find me hot enough to feel any chemistry. But I thought I would see if there are any other ideas I can try before resorting to this explanation :)


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What Girls Said 2

  • Wait for her... I'm really shy myself and I was like that with my ex boyfriend too. Very quickly he tried to take things to another level and I felt very uncomfortable with that. Unfortunately it led to a break up because I got very nervous to tell him I didn't feel comfortable that I just suddenly broke up with him. So if she tells you, you should try and understand her. You need to try and make her feel more comfortable slowly, eventually she'll open up more. But please don't try and give her the feeling that you're only gonna focus on that, it might make her more nervous.
    And it's probably not coming from her not being attracted to you, she just doesn't feel ready/open enough to do anything more than a kiss yet.

    • Thanks for your advice, it is good to understand more about what girls are thinking :) And sorry it didn't work out with your ex-boyfriend, I will try to avoid that situation.
      When you say "make her feel more comfortable slowly" do you have any suggestion of how I could do this? Like, do you think I should go back to just kissing, and then in two weeks try touching her again and see if she is more comfortable?
      Or maybe before I touch her I should ask her if she is ready?
      Or do you think it would be better to just kiss until she invites me to touch her or do something else?
      If you have any thoughts on which of these would make you feel most comfortable I would really appreciate knowing it! :)

    • I think you should just go really gentle with her, when you kiss her, don't lead forward in a surprise, just take it slow. When you touch her, maybe don't do it in more intimiate spots, (like inner thighs, waist...) focus more on her hand or arm for example, or shoulders. It's less s*xual there... then slowly build it up I guess. Don't immediately start making up with her and getting too touchy and initimate, focus on other things. You should talk with her more as well instead of touching and kissing, get closer to her, know her better, don't rush anything. Don't keep thinking of when she'll be ready, just take your time with her. Don't give her the feeling that you want her to be comfortable enough already, just... be normal with her

  • Well, not everyone likes physical touch. As for me, I feel really weirded out if someone holds my hand.

    Maybe just wait for her until she is ready for it?

    • But, what do you suggest him to do? To wait until marriage to get a French kiss or any other erotic actions?

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