How do we get back to where we were before the fight?

Been seeing a guy for 6 months and it was going great. Over the weekend, we had a NASTY fight. We were both at fault.

Anyway, we barely, if at all, spoke to each other until today. Text, our conversation is pretty much back to normal today. But he picked me up from work and you could cut the tension with a knife. It was silent. It never is. If one of us initiated conversation, you could tell it was forced. When he dropped me off at home, there wasn’t our usual hug and kiss goodbye. I said thank you and then asked if we’re still doing hugs. He hesitated but ended up hugging me. No kiss.

How do we get back to where we were before this fight?


Most Helpful Guy

  • What was the fight about? I think fights are healthy for a relationship, bound to happen. Just depends on where you go from there.

    • Long story short, we both quit smoking together a month ago. Then I found out on Saturday that he was smoking behind my back. I don’t care about that, lapses happen. But I was pissed he hid it from me. When I asked him about it, he didn’t answer. He completely ignored me. He got on my case about hiding stuff from him when we first met. So I brought his stuff back thinking he was walking away, ignoring me on purpose. Turns out, he lost his phone in his trunk while he was away and that’s why he didn’t answer me. But his neighbours asked questions about why his stuff was there. So he got upset that I overreacted the way I did. Wouldn’t have reacted in the first place if he hadn’t hidden anything from me. It is what it is. I want to sit down and have a face to face convo but I don’t think that’ll happen. I want to get back to what we were though.

    • Show All
    • I asked if he was smoking again and then reminded him I’m there for him if he needs it. It was my reaction of dropping his stuff off after I didn’t hear from him thinking he was ignoring me that pissed him off. I’ve apologized. Profusely. I know I overreacted. I just don’t like the tension. I want to get back to what we were

    • So then make it happen. This isn’t super huge, I mean it is but it isn’t something like he cheated on you w another woman. I hope that makes sense.

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What Guys Said 3

  • Nicotine patches. Lots and lots and LOTS of nicotine patches.

    • Unfortunately, I get awful nightmares on those and he gets rashes from them. We switched to vaping and are weening back on the nic content. Some days are just worse than others

    • Well both you guys quitting at the same time in solidarity is nice on paper (and of course the best thing for both of you in the long run, health-wise), but you're both probably going to be on edge for a while. Little things that neither of you noticed before might suddenly get under both of your skins. A little time apart from one another might help. Maybe even a little solitude in general.

  • it will just take time

  • Forgiveness dear
    Ask him to forgive you


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