How can I get guys to ask me out on food dates instead of drink and coffee dates?

It seems like every guy online tries to push for a drink or coffee date, which I don’t like for a number of reasons. One being that it shows a lack of strong interest that you’d opt for a “quick and easy date” and that you’re probably not too invested in me given that guys who are truly invested will do their best to be around you for as long as possible. The other reason being that I am a big foodie and don’t like to drink alcohol or coffee that much. I immediately stop talking to guys who make such suggestions since there clearly is a compatibility issue.

After I told one guy it was my birthday, his immediate response was, “let’s go for a birthday drink or coffee”. Come on, really? Not even I would do that. I’d invite someone I’m interested in out to dinner on his birthday! Even if it’s a random platonic friend, I’d take them out to eat.

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Most Helpful Guys

  • you meet on line - they only know what you've wanted him to know. there are a LOT of phonies out there. there's no way any guy with experience - who earns his own $ - is willing to drop $50-$75 on a dinner date if there's a possibility she's a phony. (this is a 2-way street, by the way.)
    meet for coffee or snack. there will be a dinner date if there's something "there." if not, consider the signals you're putting out there and figure out how to get to step 2.

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    • I’ve met plenty of older guys with professional careers and dating experience who dropped more than the amount you mentioned on a first date. Perhaps because they knew I was a real person and had been communicating with them for a long time? Or perhaps because they know that dating is a gamble? Who knows. But, the point is that these guys who invited me to dinner seemed to be more interested in seriously dating me than the guys who opted for drinks. That’s why I correlate interest level to the effort made on planning the date.

    • To me it wouldn’t make a difference if it was breakfast, lunch, or dinner. As long as it shows effort.

  • Can't speak for all guys but it's kind of an mutual interest thing for me. Like when I asked girls out for drinks, my rationale for it was that I wasn't sure she was that interested in me. Just offering to go out for drinks seemed like a blur between "friendly hanging out and dating" as opposed to, say, a romantic boat ride in a park followed by a fancy dinner.

    So if I got the feeling a girl might not be that interested in me and I might have to work up her interest towards me, I'd pick a more casual kind of "easy date", not putting much pressure on her for anything more than some drinks and company, but with the hope that spending such time together might lead to something a bit more like a real date.

    Meanwhile if a girl was very flirty and I was pretty sure she was as into me as I was into her, I'd go for a bolder kind of "real date".

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    • So for me the main way to avoid getting me to take the easy-going path of just inviting a girl for drinks, the way to counter that is to really show a lot of obvious signs of interest towards me. Then I might go for something much more romantic, much less casual, that's really going to work towards something a whole lot more intimate.

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    • But even for the invites to drinks, I'll pay for the drinks. I'll just pay for everything. I insist (because I found most girls like when I do).

    • I kind of admire guys who go Dutch because I've seen them give a very solid rationale that if you invite a friend or acquaintance to a place with hope of nothing more, it's normal to go Dutch. So why change the rules for a date? But my whole perspective to dating is really different -- it's nothing like friendship. I'm trying to impress the girl. More often than not I like her more than she likes me at first, since I asked her out. I picked her out. I chose her completely freely, to her I'm just one among potentially multiple suitors. So I want to maximize my probability of impressing her, and I haven't found a case where a girl is impressed by a guy going Dutch. She might not care about it but it certainly seems to be on the safe side to just pay -- she'll either be impressed or not care so much either way as I see it. And likewise I'm not like, "Uhh, where do you want to go?" which is something I could do with a friend, but for girls on dates I *lead*.

Most Helpful Girl

  • You expect someone you met online, who you've never met before, to be seriously invested in you? Enough to invest good time and money into?

    Nah. I prefer quick and low key first dates. We're just getting to know each other, after all. If it goes well, we can do dinner for a second date maybe.

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    • You have a point, but then how do you explain why some guys are indeed willing to go for lunch or dinner dates? I just think it lets you know where you stand.

    • Maybe they don't get matches often and want to hook the girl (may be "invested," or may be desperate). Or maybe they just have money to burn. Either way, I don't think you should fault the guy for it.

    • I agree fully with you, a first date should be as casual as possible, and if things work out for both, then a dinner is mostly for a second date

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What Guys Said 17

  • I can agree with you about a special day like birthday. Please see also our own side: there are scores of ladies who just look for free meals and bring themselves in as little as some of the guys you have mentioned. Would it not be better to gently ''negotiate'', instead of insisting on only your own way? Compromises usually are possible.

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    • Girls who are after free meals are scammers and if you pay close attention, you'll be able to spot them quickly. Typically these ladies are in a rush to meet and don't seem to be interested in getting to know the real you.

    • You are right. What I tend to do as a compromise option: (Thinking about a first date) To BEGIN a date with a soft drink or in a café (to warm up, so to say), and with the plan to move on from there to a place where we find food or entertainment. This gives an opportunity to extend (or shorten) the event as the situation calls for. As long as I can I don't mind spending, but would it not be a waste of effort to just find out that there never has been a common base? Positive surprises are welcome, for certain.

  • Because no guy wants to spend $40+ on a 1st date with some random girl he met on the internet that he's not even sure he's compatible or attracted too. If I ask a girl out on a 1st date, i want her to go because she's actually interested in getting to know each other, not just because she's hungry and wants a free meal

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    • Girls can also be after free drinks and cups of coffee as well. I personally would never go out on a date just for a "free meal". You can usually pick up on whether someone is interested in you or compatible with you by communicating for some time before meeting or talking over the phone. The guys who asked me out on food dates, be it breakfast, lunch, or dinner, did tend to show strong interest in seriously dating me whereas the guys who offered drinks were only looking to hook up based on how they acted afterwards. That was just my experience though and it's for that reason that I assume that someone who cares more about his wallet than making the effort to spend more time with me is probably not as interested in me as I am.

    • "Girls can also be after free drinks and cups of coffee as well"

      That's the point. If they're just after a free outing, we don't waste as much money

      "You can usually pick up on whether someone is interested in you or compatible with you by communicating for some time before meeting or talking over the phone."

      A lot of people would rather meet in person quickly to see if they're actually compatible

      Lastly, I know it probably makes you feel "special" when a guy asks you out for dinner instead of just drinks, but he most likely does that with more than just you

  • Because so many women only date men to get a free meal out of them. Men want to prequalify women now by having a coffee date first. If there is nothing, no spark, no connection no harm no foul. A meal date usually cost between 100-200 and the guy usually winds up paying even though you half ass offer to pay.

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    • I'd never go out on a date just to get a "free meal". Women who do that are scammers and typically you can pick up on it based on their actions. Girls looking to meet quickly are often the ones looking for that free meal. I like to take my time communicating with the person, perhaps even talking over the phone and getting to know them...
      Of the guys I've dated before, the ones who were seriously interested in dating me invited me out to dinner while the fuckboys tended to be those who asked for drinks. That's why I assume that guys who want a quick date are probably not as interested.

    • great, you just saved men the hassle of prequalifying you.

  • I think the whole idea of a first date is to be short and non-committal. If it's too long, or involves a meal, then you're stuck there wasting both people's time. The second date should be longer, a meal or whatever, in order to figure out if the first impression was correct.

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  • Just respond with I'm hungry. They're not trying to pressure you into a commitment.

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    • Online they typically try to schedule for another day. How do you tell them that you’ll be hungry on that day?

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    • Do you tend to pay for dates or go Dutch?

    • I typically pay. In the past 15 years of dating I've been bought a handful of meals by significant others. The rest I payed for. I've actually never gone dutch.

  • Try counter offering them with a Lunch date.

    I think your assumption that they aren't serious about you is a foolish one. Taking someone out for dinner can feel like a lot of pressure, especially if they are a foodie, because agreeing on a place to eat can be hard, and if you disagree about where to go, it gives the other person a reason to say no. Once the date is under way, the meal makes for a several hour date, while coffee can just be a quick thing if it doesn't go well. Most people like coffee, so if the girl is someone you just met online, coffee is a pretty low stress option. The coffee date is about getting to know the other person, and lunch can accomplish the same goal.

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    • Perhaps I’m being a bit stereotypical, but I’ve been on food dates before and those guys seemed to be more serious about dating me than the ones who asked me out on drink dates. Just my observation. Usually we agreed pretty quickly on where to go.

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    • Lunch and dinner is all the same to me. I wouldn’t even mind a breakfast. If I may ask, how have dinner dates blown up on you?

    • Usually they cancel last minute or they just totally blow the date off. If the date actually happens, it has always gone well for me. Something as long and intimate as a one-on-one dinner gives her a reason to panic and say no.

  • You realise that you can make plans as well, right? Why don't you suggest going for food. Personally, i think drinks is a better plan than food.

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  • you know what would be funny though? like if those guys who asked you on a date asked for recommendations here on GAG and a bunch of people told them to push for coffee dates and nothing too expensive on the first few dates lmao

    did you hint it to him? that you love food and want to try different things or if there's a specific dish you want to try? but i think he might just be trying to play it safe, especially if he doesn't fully know your likes and dislikes yet and maybe he doesn't want to feel like there's no more chance after he takes you to a bad place on your birthday or something like that.

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  • I don't drink alcohol either. I'd prefer bowling and pizza.

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    • Is asking for food too demanding?

    • If you mean to pay for it, then I think each should pay their own way, or half at first.
      Asking for a particular type of date is fine.

  • if they ask what would you like to do for a date, just say a meal...

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  • Tell them which restaurant you like they should get the idea lol.

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  • What's stopping YOU from asking THEM out on a food date?

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  • Id only ask em out for a dinner date if i at least chatted with her for a bit.

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  • Spoiled woman, stay single.

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    • Ha, like I’m going to listen to a troll. Nice try.

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    • Women should avoid wasting their time and gasoline meeting cheap, lazy men like you. Most probably do. There are plenty of generous men out there such as the ones who have responded so far who care more about making a good impression than wanting easy access to women. Do yourself a favor: jerk off and stay away from women.

    • Because I don't want to spend 50 dollars on a random woman who I barely know? you're a cheap skate lol

  • ok let us go for a dinner wherever you want ;)

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  • The point of being quick and easy is because they're not difficult to do, they're less awkward, you can leave if you feel the time is right. Food dates get awkward unless you've known each other a while and get along well.

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  • Stop being so fucking hungry all the damn time and you'll be fine.

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    • It’s not about the hunger. It’s about showing appreciation and respect.

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    • Shit..

    • Eating a single meal doesn’t make you gain pounds. That’s irrelevant to the reasoning given here.

What Girls Said 4

  • I'm guessing you haven't had a horrific dinner date with someone that has catfished you or something. I get the respect aspect but honestly I'd prefer something quick with the option of a venue bounce if it's a connection. Good coffee and drink dates often become dinners that night.

    Im not a big fan of coffee or drinks either but if I get bored of them it's kinda on me to counter or suggest something else. In the summer I like ice cream. You can suggest sharing a killer appie or a tapa. If it goes well, you both can both decide to keep ordering.

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    • I get the whole safety factor, but shouldn’t you just walk out if you get catfished? I wouldn’t stay lol

  • I think meeting for coffee or a drink is a good first date, but it's totally legit to propose some other place if you don't like the date you get asked on.

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  • Where are you located? It’s probably just the guys around you. I haven’t had that problem

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  • I much prefer a coffee date first. Just time to relax and chat.

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