Pros and cons of 20 year age gap?

Hi everyone, thoughtful comments please, just hoping to get some pros as well as cons for a relationship happening between two individuals with an age gap of 20 years, given both parties love each other and are not in it for the wrong reasons. Guy is in his 40s, girl is in her 20s. Thank you.


Most Helpful Guys

  • I'm in this situation, too. I don't think it's really a problem, although the disapproval of some other people can be annoying. In my case, the cultural and linguistic differences are much more formidable.

    I think it helps if you are equals or close to it in at least some areas of life, it helps with compatibility, and seeing each other as equals in a partnership is definitely helpful. Also having some common interests.

    • I was too tbh and I agree some of the negative views are a bit annoying, but it's cos they are either jealous or dont understand how to treat women and why they would ignore them and go after an older guy

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    • couldn't agree more

    • Yeah I get glares from at least a few people whenever I am with him and we do anything affectionate like hug or peck on the cheek but we have so much in common and being with him is calming so it’s good to know everyone isn’t completely disapproving

  • I personally have dated a 20 year old and I am 40, and personally every woman around 18 plus who i've spoken to says younger guys are so immature and just cannot handle it when they get told no..
    whereas someone my age will treat a woman right and not disrespect her

    I see though from some of the comments cos purely out of jealousy or whatever their issue is, there is no need to belittle anyone or hate on anyone for their preferences... I mean for the record I have dated women my own age, it never works out... women younger seem to be more laid back and understanding...
    but then that is what I've noticed
    at least with someone older you aren't going to be used or treated like crap, or when you get older, feel unloved...

    • Totally agree, I feel respected by him, that he is more mature and there’s just a stability there that is calming vs drama with guys my age. Thank you for your insight

    • you are welcome and glad I could help :)

Most Helpful Girl

  • I believe that if both parties are equally invested, I don't see there being a lot of problems. This means realizing that other (non-important people) will have opinions about it, may talk and point fingers - however this is just to pass without comment. Stick together!

    Points (YOU decide whether they are pro's and/or con's)

    * You can be equals with an age gap of 20 years (my largest gap has been 19 years). Maturity or same level of intelligence is needed to make up for age gap sometimes.
    * It will push both of you to self insight and awareness; some things happen around 20 that a 40 year old often happily lives without, is self doubt and jealousy. Even though it can exist, there is a difference in behavior/understanding.
    * You can have the same interests, which is helping, although different interests still work if you have a respectful relationship with own time involved - we are individuals after all :)
    * I found that same values and same direction in life (both enjoy traveling for an example) as vital because one always wanting to be home/traditional and the other is a wandering spirit, will ultimately destroy the relationship. This goes for similar age relations as well though but the age gap makes it even harder.
    * You're most likely in different places in life, one has done/achieved more than the other. Life does teach you things so there will likely be a difference i problem solving, understanding, and communication.
    * Family may start sooner than you had planned
    * Age gap seems large now but the older you get, the lesser this gap will be.
    * Friends/family not understand the reasoning and you may lose people around you.
    * Questions will arise if the older person has children tapping in on teenage years. The younger person need to stay as a parental figure and not a friend to the kids, which is harder if the gap is smaller to the children.
    * NOTHING says that the older person will die before the younger person. This is not even an issue yet. Leave that for later.
    * Respect for life lessons and life measures is paramount - it should be in all relationships but here it is crucial - both ways.
    * Power play can be a problem based on age. Keep a look out.
    * Jealousy because of age gap is common. Support each other!
    * Openness regarding opinions and what to allow and not, is much more important here because the thought processes are different.

    My biggest age gap relationship was the best one for me - MY timing wasn't right, though. May be, again :( <3

    • Thank you so much ❤️ Really appreciate your words and the effort you put in to the response. I’m happy to hear your 19 year age gap was the best one and hope that he may come back or that you will find another one similar do not give up ! for me I have already been receiving negative public attention like glares and it’s good to hear what you said. I just feel he is much more mature, stable and sensible and there is just a comfort and calm I feel that I don’t feel with other guys my age.

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    • He and I bonded over deep conversations about lots of topics like you and your guy and it's that ability to talk to him about anything that I love, plus he shows his love for me every time I see him in little ways and big ways. Thanks again <3

    • Oh I'm so excited for you!! <3 Best of luck to you and yours!

      Thank you for the MHO! :)

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 8

  • If you are into fantasy, gaming, and stuff like that it could be a pro and have something in common.
    Your age group seems more likely to be nicer/more fair to men more often so he will probably like that.
    If he wants a family (kids) I hope he exercises so he will still be in good condition to play with them as they grow up.

    Just remember that he may expect to start a family sooner in the relationship than someone younger would. Not sure if that is a pro or con. It depends on what you want.

    • Luckily I don’t want kids and am choosing to pursue my career and he is fine with that (he has no kids) so it’s good :)

  • He'll die 45 years before you so pro if you want his money. You get to change the kids diapers and his. Depends on poop fetish level. You can use him in his wheelchair as a cart. I'd say that's a pro. You won't have to deal with a mother in law because she'll be dead.

  • I've been in age gaps relationships, both ways, and they have some benefits and some problems, but overall in terms of long-term relationships, I think that they only work under extraordinary circumstances.

  • For him:
    Get taken to the cleaners when inevitably you grow old and she wants to not go into retirement at age 40. Get stuck in an old folks' home at 60 after losing your house to your spouse.

    For her:
    Find out no man under 60 will want you after that shameful display

    • Last year in my country a 73 year old man stabbed his 46 year old lover to death and then killed himself by deliberately crashing his car into a moving truck. They had been in a relationship for 17 years and she had ended things because of his age.

    • @Dchrls78104 < accurate. This is what usually happens

  • I can't think of any real pros or cons... but kids might be an issue, especially if the guy is 50+.

    • Luckily I don’t want kids so that’s a big pro for me that he has no kids and is fine with whatever I want

  • There's no cons as long as you're mature enough to handle it

  • can't think of any :/

  • Just don't lol


What Girls Said 2

  • Cons: he'll look like a backed potato in a few years while you're still hot
    -probably very different interrest
    - there probably is a big financial gap
    -one part migth want kids and marriage soner than the other

    Pro: some old men look good

    • Thank you for your insight

  • As long as both are (relatively) young there's hardly anything to worry about. But lets assume they stay togehter. There won't be an "growing old together" since he'll always be way way ahead of her. When she's 40, he'll be 60 .. when she's 60 he'll be 80. She'll pretty much end up as his nurse.


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