Would you remain friends with benefits with an ex who still likes you if you've made your intentions clear with him?

It pisses me off when people say "no, you shouldn't because you wouldn't be caring about his feelings." But, what about my feelings? He's making the choice to give me what I want.

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  • If you've made your intentions clear and he knows that you're not interested in getting back with him, then you haven't deceived him and therefore you've done nothing wrong.

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    • Can you elaborate? There is someone on this thread who believes the complete opposite and says that 1. I am using him. 2. Says that I am to blame since according to him, "he can't make decisions for himself" even though he is a mentally stable man. 3. Seems to believe that everyone is responsible for the actions of other people. I've given him the analogy of a liquor store not being responsible for a drunken person's behavior in order to help him understand, but he doesn't seem to want to listen.

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    • Hey, sorry to come back to this post again. I just figured that you'd be able to give me some valuable insight on this question. The question is, Is it wrong to accept an invitation to go on a trip with someone who likes you, but you don't like back and he knows it?

    • No worries. He know's the feelings aren't mutual, so the same thing applies, it's not wrong. Now he might try and make some moves on you and he probably hopes through going on the trip with him, you'll start to fall for him... But if he's willing to take that chance, then that's his issue. As long as you're honest with him, you're all good.

  • As someone that has had feelings for a fwbs, I can say that this is a mistake for sure because feelings are uncontrollable. I felt the same way (I had that exact thinking), and you can make your intentions crystal clear, and the other person can know it, but the more time you spend together, the feelings are going to grow. Whether we want them to or not. He'll naturally want to spend more and more time with you. Then when it gets to be a problem or inconvenient for you, annoying or whatever, he's going to be hurt and rejected when you pull back and his feelings will be so deep by then likely, that he'll be upset, hurt and probably angry. This is only going to create a bad situation for both of you.

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    • He knows what deal is, yet he's consciously choosing to stay. It won't create a bad situation for me because I'm certainly getting what I want. Since I'm not a mind reader, I'll assume that he's cool with the arrangement. Actions speak louder than words. I'm not responsible for his feelings if I have not promised him anything.

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    • Just because I care about my own feelings more doesn't mean that I don't care about his. I am caring enough to be honest with him. Otherwise, I would have led him on and told him everything he wanted to hear. It's up to him to decide what to do with that information.

    • Just some food for thought. She told me everything to and it didn't matter in the end. If he does develop feelings, hopefully you'll handle it much better than my fwbs did. If she had talked it out with me, it wouldn't have been so bad, but she didn't. Just decided "she was done" and that was that. Then ghosted me on top of it all instead of answering questions I had and giving me closure.

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