I'm not saying you should be super mean by any stretch, but I think it's better to say: "No, I'm not interested in you and I'm not going to be in the future," then: "I'm really just not ready to date anybody right now, you're a really nice guy/girl and everything, I'm just really focusing on me..."
Most Helpful Guys
What good does it do to be sugarcoating the reality that stands between you and the person you're rejecting? If you come forward with being direct about why you're rejecting someone, it gives them insight of what could be improved for the next person they meet unless it's just simply a lack of compatibility which is understandable! Every time you beat around the bush trying to reject someone as nicely as possible, you'll begin to feel bad that they haven't learned anything from you and may make the same mistakes with the next person they meet.
I can agree with you that you shouldn't have to bash them down with criticism, negativity and harsh tones; just be simple and direct with providing useful information and feedback about what went wrong and then simply move forward after that! The more often you speak your mind of what you truly want to say, the more confident you'll feel in providing honest and helpful feedback to whoever you come across. I'd hate to think someone couldn't handle the truth and that you'd have to be soft on them so they don't act out like an immature person with their emotions running wild. Simply put, I'd completely agree with your statement and think people should be more honest and direct about rejecting someone instead of cowardly ghosting them or being too soft about it.
Well... depending on the wording. You can always send underlying messages...
but you have to gauge on how hard you were hit on. Like if they were just telling you that they liked you, the response would be different than if they just flat out asked you out.
A response i would use would be "I appreciate the gesture, you seem likable, but im afraid im not the one you are seeking."... its a roller-coaster effect. they get to land softly...
Well, its better than the time i looked that girl up... then down... then up again and straight up said to her face "oh hell no".. then laughed.
it all depends.
Most Helpful Girls
Hmmm, surprisingly, I disagree. I think thats a little much and not really necessary in most situations. I think all women have the right to handle it however they see fit though because men can be a bit much at the same time. I've been successful with the nicer approach and it works fine, accompanied by the right body language, tone of voice, and environment. I might say, "Im not interested" but I probably would never say "and I won't be interested in the future." there's also something about the "you" that seems especially harsh in this scenario, I don't know. Im just not into it. It also sounds like something someone with very limited communication/social skills would say, if its used as a first resort in all scenarios.
Ill give an example. The other day some cab driver asked for my social media. The first time I said no, because I usually dont use that one, then he asked for another one and I just said, "yeah I have one but I only give it out to my friends." And then I just changed the subject quickly. He kind of gave me this smile/what the hell no fair look, but he got the message. And I didn't have to directly tell him "ill never be interested in YOU, sir." Its just a bit dramatic for that scenario and most that I've been in.
I've also literally just said "oh, no thank you, but enjoy your drink. Love the shirt!" While walking away with a smile.
If its a friend, It does get trickier. One guy friend kept trying to break the "friend zone" with sexual comments. Id tell him you can't just say those kind of things but he wouldn't really stop completely. Then I just told him how I felt and why Id never do anything with him. (Was a specific reason in that case.)
In other cases, its as simple as "youre great, but im looking for something else. I do wish you luck in finding someone though and I hope we can be just friends."
You dont have to be nice, women are told to be nice way too often. So if thats your approach, by all means, let them know!
Still, I prefer something thats more of a kind let down personally, UNLESS he's an obvious asshole or is harassing me, in which case, my reply would probably be a lot harsher than what youve posted. And I'm actually a very direct person in general, but Im also conscious of the vulnerability it takes to put yourself out there and sensitive to the impact on peoples confidence I guess. If he gives me a reason to be harsh, I'll let him have it. If not, I have the communicative capacity to strike a balance of nice and direct.
Direct is bet I think.
Unfortunately when you’re nice about it can leave things unclear and possibly give hope to them that something could happen in the future. Like lying and saying “no, I’m sorry I have a boyfriend” that’s just saying if I didn’t have a boyfriend I’d totally be open to going out with you.
It sucks to have to be direct and it comes off as cruel but in the end it just makes more sense so no one is unclear about what is/could happen