Went through my boyfriend's phone and found some inappropriate messages to girls and pictures, what should I do?

So me and my boyfriend have been dating for 2 years we broke up about a couple months ago and got back together a month ago

I went through his phone the other day and found inappropriate messages to girls and inappropriate photos he claims that there were no photos but that's because I deleted them

and he claims that the messages were when we were broken up and that he isn't a cheater but the thing here is we were still living in the same house still having sex and doing everything couples do we were just not calling each other girlfriend boyfriend I need advice ASAP

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  • Since you don't want to leave him, you should still insist that he tell you the complete truth and assure that you there is Nothing else going on anymore with any other Girls. It is indeed a gray area when you're officially broken up, but if you were still de facto together and having sex, he should not have been contacting other women.

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    • We went through a pretty hefty argument after the entire thing because I may have lashed out on him in front of his son... How soon should I ask for a better explanation? I don't want to bring up the anger in the situation... He was super calm when I told him that I found the stuff and when he explained to me that it was when we were broken up, but then later we both yelled because he told me he was done with me pulling arguments in front of his son... so I don't want to bring up the bad part of the argument, so when should I approach the subject? A couple days?

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    • you're welcome :) So we finally talked about it. He refused to talk about it at first, but then he is the one that brought it up. He explained that he would never do that to me while we are dating, that he only did it because we weren't together. I asked why he kept the pictures and messages and he said, you know I don't delete anything from my phone. Which I know is true, ever since we started dating he never deleted any messages or pictures from his phone. I think it is safe to trust him again but if ever something similar was to happen again then Id be gone in a heartbeat.

    • OK, well, at least it's resolved. I hope things work out for you two.

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What Guys Said 12

  • were the communications more inappropriate than you going through his phone?
    you obviously don't trust. now he doesn't.
    advice: make up your mind about what your relationship is - convenient companionship, cuddles and sex - or something more. make sure he knows, too.

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  • still used u while not want be with u as well as with others same time, def not a good sitch, but you deserve better then that, if was with others wouldn't have used u because ment to have loved u, its your choice if want stay with, but u know he lied bout pics, he knows what he been doing it not a 1 off mistake, you def should stand your ground as deserve be treated better, & there is guys who will treat right if find

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  • Normal behavior. He was gearing towards single life and if you guys decided to break up already, then it´s all good. Been in that situation couple times in my life and did the exact same. Those photos and contacts should be deleted right after you decided to try again though.

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    • He doesn't delete his messages usually on the general... But the pictures and messages were all there... Its like 50/50 situation of whether he was in the wrong or not... Its so confusing :(

    • Yeah I see your point. He would´ve deleted them if you asked him for sure. I think there´s no harm done. Gotta move on...

  • Well even though I don't condone cheating I don't condone invading privacy either... It seems that a lot of happy relationships hit the hole once one invades the privacy of another. I'm not saying what sea doing is right if he is doing something shady but sometimes it's easier to be happy not knowing...

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  • I'd say dump him tbh

    cos he obviously doesn't respect you or care about you enough to stay true to you...
    but also you dont trust him enough to not go through his phone...

    my recent ex never went through my phone no matter what until i passed her it and told her to check through cos i needed to find something and couldn't, one was a text and the other a pic... and she never had any worries...
    hell I even trusted her with my log in details to emails/social media etc...

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  • Well I do the same thing and I mean no harm by it and I love my girlfriend and I've been with her for 5 years it's fun it's better than looking at the sports page and it's a Time filler

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    • its fun to ask other girls for sexy pictures? and to have other girls pictures on your phone? is she aware that you are doing that?

  • Could you please help be understand the rules? You both broke up, lets say that breakup happened on January 1st. Now I understand you said that you are still living with him and you said you are still having sex. What day is he allowed to start to communicate with other girls? Can he talk to them on January 2nd, February 1st, June 30th?

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    • I see your point... just didn't feel right that he did it while we were still living together and that he didn't delete any of it once we were official again...

    • Yes that is difficult to swallow.

  • Lol thats friends with benefits shit. On a real note, this can all r resolved with just talk about where your relationship is at and where you see it going.

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  • Why were you checking his phone? If you dont trust him, then maybe you ought to cut your losses

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  • If he admits the wrong before you interrogate him then it's worth to stay if he denies the walk away

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  • Tell him to fuck a cheap whore and enjoy the syphilis. Leave.

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  • Kick him off a short pier

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What Girls Said 10

  • If you were broken up, then he technically didn’t cheat. I’m not saying what he did was ok (it wasn’t) but he didn’t cheat. If I were you, I’d leave him tbh. It was disrespectful of him to do that.

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    • Thats my worry. I dont know if i want to or not... What he did ahould make me want to leave but he is such an amazing guy otherwise... Its a very difficult decision to make :/

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    • Thank you. I appreciate your honest opinion :)

    • No problem, and best of luck to you!

  • Speaking of inappropriate, was it inappropriate to go through his phone?
    Beyond that, living together and having sex but not calling each other boyfriend/girlfriend sounds to me like you’re both able to do whatever you want and talk to whomever you want. Before you decide to go through his phone, figure out your relationship

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  • If this was when you two broke up, there is no problem. I mean, he didn’t cheat then. But if he’s lying, it would be a totally different story.

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  • Did you check the date on the messages? That was your definite answer and to be honest he doesn't seem trustworthy

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  • I think that when you break up and get back together there is a lot of work to be done.
    What where the reasons you broke up? If it was something that has nothing to do with trust and infedelity (like financial issues) your behavior should be totally different than if he cheated on you or something like that. I think he tried to get back to signle life after you broke up and still kind of is bc he doesn't know for sure if you are staying together. For me you should talk it out demand full honesty on everything and then be together 100% bc this will only make things more complicated and you more insecure and paranoid (which is logical).
    I won't judge you for searching his phone, I think all of us have done it when we felt that something is not right. I have seen messages and realised what an ass my ex was and broke up otherwise I might still be with him...

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  • Dump his ass

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    • I did, but I don't know if it feels right or not... that's what im trying to figure out but its a lot harder on me then I thought... :/

    • Well dumping someone can be hard but remember you broke up because of being incompatible in first place.

  • Why did you break up?

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    • Because i was always accusing him of stuff that he claims he wasn't doing and because i was giving a lot of attitude... But he refuses to admit my behavior was partially his fault...

    • If you're finding conversations in his phone there's obviously something going on

  • I would dump him for sure

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  • Dump him. You can't trust him and life's too short to waste your time.

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  • Yep, leave the relationship. ASAP.

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