What would you do if someone threatened to hurt themselves after you reject them?

i recently turned down a guy who asked me out, he was kind of creepy and i barely knew him, so it was an easy and logical decision. as soon as i reject him (politely, mind you) he starts berating me for not giving him a chance and going on a tirade on how no one can love him and that he should just kill himself.

i know i shouldn't feel guilty, and yet i do. he said i led him on, but i never felt that i did, and often times i felt pressured to continue the conversation with him despite feeling uncomfortable (he once talked about sexual things regarding his ex, and got really upset when i said that i had to go because i had homework to do, which wasn't a lie).

are there any "good" ways to reject someone? what am i supposed to say to him when he says stuff about wanting to kill himself because "nobody loves him"?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • He's trying to guilt trip you into going out with him. I would stop all contact and block him etc. He's not your circus, he's not your monkey.

    As for the actual rejection, rejecting people sucks but you just have to be willing to be a slight asshole/bitch for a few seconds and pull that bandaid off the poor bastard. Having your dreams crushed always sucks but its not your responsibility that he put a ton of his emotions into somebody who just wasn't interested, thats his problem. You just need to be as kind as possible when telling him you are not interested in him in that way.

    I usually just say something along the lines of "I think you're awesome (usually I try to give a real reason if there is one but don't lie), but Im just not feeling it for X reason." Usually in my case there is some compatability issue I can blame it all on, I wouldn't usually say its because I didn't find them attractive etc as thats hard to hear even if it is true. I wouldn't lie but there's usually a secondary reason that I can just emphasize a bit more.

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  • This is hard. He is probably lacking in physical attractiveness. Lucky for him he is a guy, and can make up for this in personality, fashion, and money.

    However I do sympathize with him and have advice. I am attractive now but was once a giant nerd. I never learned how to interact with girls until my physical appearance began to bloom, and girls started paying attention to me. This was unfortunate because for a guy who NEVER BLOOMS, how will he ever learn to NOT be creepy?

    He needs female friends who can help him learn that women are not objects, and give him fashion advice, and confidence. The best thing for him is for him to make some female friends that are below his league. This will teach him to not expect romance from every female friend. And will give him empathy for when he is rejected. He doesn't understand that because he doesn't have any experience with women.

    Once he gets to the point where he can talk to women in his own league without being creepy, he can then begin friendships with girls like you who are out of his league. He will definitely have a crush on you but as long as you make him no promises, you are morally safe. As a woman he desires and respects you can, as a friend, compliment him and teach him to be a more desirable man. This will give him the confidence he needs to actually attract women like yourself, who are out of his league (hypothetically).

    Once he has the fashion, social skills, charm, and confidence, he will still struggle because of his natural ugliness. But with money, a prenup, and some luck, he might land a girl way outside of his league. One Who wants a real man and can look beyond fat and asymmetrical facial features.

    Either way, when you reject him, (and maybe you won't after all that work you did on him to make him desirable man) he will have the confidence to not want to give up and die. And hopefully also respect women enough to consider a girl who is less attractive or socially capable as you.

    It is a long read, so thank you, but I've been where he is and have gotten out of it. Your compassion for him is a good emotion. The kind thing to do is to consider if he is ready to be friends with a woman of your calibur. (Are you as much out of his league as you believe yourself to be or do you have physical and social issues as well?) If you are. And you decide he isn't ready for encouragement from a girl like you, walk away guilt free, knowing he could find companionship, but is too shallow.

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    • His expectations have to be realistic. Him wanting a hot, fashionable, socialite is as unrealistic as it would be for that socialite to expect to sleep with any married man she wants. Would you pity a hot, rich, slurry, husband stealing socialite who could have any man she wanted but wants the married men she can't have? No you would not. If she killed herself because she was rejected by married men, would you pity her?

      Then you don't have to pity the dorky friendless guy who only talks to hot socialites, and Stubbs the quirky and fat girls. But if you're a dorky, awkward, or fat girl, you should probably consider being his friend.

  • He's doing it to manipulate you. He won't do it, he's trying to guilt you into being with him and then staying with him. Ignore his whining and you will see I'm correct. You have 0 obligation and 0 reason to feel guilty.

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  • Reject them in the nicest way you can. If they still whine over it, let them.

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  • Where did this happen u did the right things in how u rejected him

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