Do you think it's OK for your partner to have a box of all their ex's letters?

Do you think it's OK for your partner to have a box of all their ex's letters?
Let us know why you think YES or NO below.
  • YES
    Vote A
  • NO
    Vote B
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Most Helpful Girls

  • It’s completely fine if they feel like being single 😐

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  • I think so, yeah. They're memories. And once we're older, maybe even a bit too old to remember, I guess it would be nice to have stuff like that so that you could remember your past. Just like I wouldn't expect him to throw away all the pictures he has taken of people who were once in his life, but aren't anymore. What's most important is how he treats the letters. If he keeps going back to them and obsessively reading them, then obviously I wouldn't be ok with it. But if he keeps them in the box stuffed away somewhere, simply because the memories were too precious to throw away, I would understand completely. Saving stuff like that doesn't automatically mean that you haven't gotten over it or that you're still secretly in love with the person who sent those letters. It has sentimental value even if things didn't work out.

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Most Helpful Guys

  • The past relationships helped us (not by design) to become who we are today. You can't, and you shouldn't, forget your past. Those letters are mementos of the past, like your old high school yearbook. She doesn't need to hate every guy who was in her life before me and she doesn't need to forget them.

    HOWEVER. . . if she is pulling those letters out every day and re-reading them. . . "Houston, we have a problem!"

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  • Sometimes, looking back at a relationship you were once in can help give you insight of what to do and expect for your current relationship. Sometimes, you'll have good memories of them and want to look back at the moments you shared with them. There's nothing wrong with wanting to keep contents from people you loved once before; it's only a problem if it affects your current relationship. I trust my girlfriend enough to let her keep her drawings and letters of her ex as a memento of the times they shared together because he was a respectful and good man, even if his temper caused a lot of problems in their past relationship together. You shouldn't have to force your partner to get rid of something unless it negatives impacts either of your lives or the relationship in general.

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What Girls Said 31

  • I'm not a sentimental person and tend to not feel attached to material things, so that's not something I personally would do, however I would understand why someone would do it. Perhaps to reminisce on the memories of the past or something.. but, again, not something I would do.

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  • Well if they're in some box in the attic with all her old stuff -no problem. But if she keeps them in her drawer and reads them as a Good night story and finds them so precious- them it's not ok obviusly

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  • I see no problem with it.
    I have love letters from a guy I dated when I was young. Its sentimental only.
    And I still have letters from a guy friend, he joined the military, got medically discharged, he moved and i ended up changing my number so we lost touch years ago.
    I think more women would keep things like that than men. I may be wrong on that though.

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  • Well it depends on what they mean to him and considering all his ex's are like crazy as shit... I'd feel about 50/50 on it. I think past relationships teaches lessons and are important things that mold people even if it's in small ways. However, it'll be awkward for me just a little. That's like if we broke up and his new girl saw all the videos, gifts, and pictures he had of me and he never got rid of them. It's like... aww that's sweet but wtf? Lol

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  • I’m not going to force him to burn them or anything. This is emotional. It’s not like he’s gonna go running to his ex because of the letters. It is always possible for someone to cheat even if it’s a 1% chance. But a few letters that remind him of a peaceful memory won’t be the trigger

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  • I dont care, some people are sentimental like that.
    Id be more worried if they constantly bring them up in a conversation and obsess over them when we are together

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  • Look, its all in the past.
    They were part of your life.
    I still kept all the teddy bears and cards my ex boyfriend had given me.
    And Im currently in a long term relationship
    It doesn't mean I want him back 😞

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  • I guess it depends on the reason why he has them.

    I wouldn't feel too good about it. But everyone is intitled to their personal space. If he loves me more and just has those letters as like mementos of good memories, that'd be ok.

    If he was still hung up on his exes, then no.

    I still think it is kind of weird to hold onto stuff from past relationships if you are really over them.

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  • I’m sure that they have let go but I don’t want to be reminded of their past because currently they are with me so I don’t think it would be necessary for them to keep those lying around. They need to show that they have matured and are done with their ex.

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  • Prob not. But i kept mine stashed in the closet somewhere

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  • Every person has a past, previous relationships that are important and were part of their lives. Hopefully we all learned something about us by being in those relationships and they have, like any other experiences in our lives, shaped who we currently are. You cannot expect someone to eradicate part of their history, of their lives because they are in a relationship with you. We are individuals and should maintain our own person, individuality etc.

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  • I don’t mind it. But maybe that’s because personally, I have letters from exes and they’re just scattered everywhere and I find them like years later. I have unwritten letters I never sent, I find YEARS later. It doesn’t bother me as long as they aren’t frequently being looked at like right in front of me.

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  • Yes. Because they are his past. Its ok to have things to remind you of people you once loved as long as you dont want to be with them again. They are ex-es for a reason.

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  • I have all the notes between me and my first boyfriend. I always mean to read them but never have time/never want to when I think about it

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  • Yes, they’re memories. I’ve got a box of sweet presents that my exes gave me, and if they would’ve written me letters I would keep those too

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  • Yes, because that is apart of their own past. Every one walks in their own shoes. Trying to control something from their past , present or future is abusive.

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  • Just move on. It is just baggage taking up space for your new relationship. Exes are part of the past and should stay that.

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  • Its okay...
    Throwing all stuff from ex doesn't mean we erase our memory about our ex... its our history.. part of us..

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  • I have not been aware that anyone still writes letters, or even emails, to their significant others, since most people text.

    It's hard for me to imagine, but I think... I would say that I'd be neutral about it, as long as he does not want to go back to her, and does not keep in contact with her in a personal way and don't see each other often (meaning regular friends but not frequently contacted).

    I'm a sentimental person, and I keep things, so I wouldn't tell somebody to throw away things they've kept, but if you asked me is it okay for my boyfriend to keep pictures of his ex? Heck no.

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  • I have letters from an x but that’s because he died.

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  • Your partner shouldn’t need the letters if they have you..

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    • Of course you got downvoted by chicks. They're all in denial of how much their exes mean to them.

    • I don't think it's about "needing" the letters, it's more about saving memories and them being a part of your past.

  • Depends on he situation really sorry not that helpful 😂

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  • That's his memories. You can't just delete people out your mind. Were not computers.

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    • Exactly what's on my mind! That's his memories

    • So let the dude relax n keep his memories that's all they are. Unless they are still friends. Then case closed. He didn't get closure.

    • Well I was agreeing with you, so I don't understand why you're saying "let the dude relax n keep his memories."

  • No, because it says itself- they are exes and they aren’t important

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  • I think it’s weird.. I got rid of mine.

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  • Yes and no. Depending on their situations.

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  • It’s okay

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  • It's a part of your life.

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  • No not at all

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  • Omg no of course not

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What Guys Said 41

  • It's fine. I would never try to erase someone's past. It's theirs to keep forever. Our memories are out most valuable possession and I would never try to take it from someone.

    I also wouldn't read them unless they told me I could. Even then I might not.

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  • I've tended to throw anything to do with an ex. Other people would be different. Tough question. If they really meant something and there hadn't been a bad break up, i think it would be wrong to object (say ex killed in cae crash, wouldn't exowct her to dump letters)

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  • If the ex took the time to write actual letters, yes, I wouldn't object. Those make for great memorabilia and I wouldn't fault someone for wanting to remember what I'd presume is a rather important time in one's life, considering how few persons would craft letters to write to a partner.

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  • Absolutely not. To keep letters = keeping memories and feelings of past relationship = still not over the feelings from ex.
    You should stary a new relationship when you are absolutely certain that you are over the past, otherwise you won't be able to give you new relationship a 100% chance

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  • are you going to demand your partner destroy them? they're deeply personal, so they've been kept for a reason. you CAN mention that it bothers you; however, be prepared for the fallout and resistance that goes with prying into a more secretive part of their world.
    best thing i think one can do is note where they are. watch to see when they disappear and figure out what you did to make that happen. THAT'S where the good stuff is.

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  • As long as it’s out of sight, out of mind from me, I don’t really care. Depends on the reason they’re keeping them, though. If it’s just because it’s part of their past, fine. If they’re continuing to harbor feelings and longing for their ex, not fine.

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  • No, simply because if any part of her/him is still missing them or in any way has some feelings for them, then they can't give all the love to that One persone that they should.. I hope you understand what i mean

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  • It's obnoxiously controlling to expect your significant other to rid themselves of fond memories of former loves over your own insecurities.

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  • I think it's good because that happened before you came into the picture. Also that person made good memories and they are in the past. The person is with you and that should be the one thing that matters. You are the chosen one don't waste a good opportunity just for something insignificant.

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  • Yes, it would make enjoyable reading, better than ASSTR.

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  • If someone has to keep physical stuff from a previous relationship they have serious psychological problems.

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  • No , because why would I keep my ex letters with me when we're no longer together? unless I still love her.

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  • Yes because they are memories and I really wouldn't want to just throw them away. Don't deny your past.

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  • Of course it is. Why would I ask my significant other, someone I love, respect and cherish, to retcon their past, deny it, dump it or anything. It's what created the person I am with today, and she's not here for my leisure and gratification but to form an equal bond. Also, I would not deny a partner - even a female one - the chance to be honest in our relationship, and that she might remember the past fondly or have feelings for someone else is something that also belongs to her and without all the scripted "relationship"-nonsense we can share these emotions and feel good for each other. But then again, I'm a hopeless romantic who just so happened to find the perfect mate for life after throwing all of those antics out the window (seems quite a few of them crashed onto the users on this page though, sorry...).

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  • I kept mine, and I wouldn't have an issue with her keeping hers. Why? Because it's a part of your personal history. I am very serious about chronicling my life and saving documents and memorabilia. Your past experiences (even with a now-ex) helped make you the person you are today.

    However, I treat them the same way I treat what I like to call: Diary Media. These are confidential media that no one but myself can/should access. That includes a personal journal/diary, smartphone, laptop... etc. i. e. for my eyes only.

    However, it's one thing to keep things in a sealed box at the very back of a storage unit, versus sleeping with a bundle of said letters under the pillow.

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  • I keep some things... Like it or not, our past partners play significant roles in shaping us as individuals- and especially as partners. I wouldn't be the person or the boyfriend I am today if not for those people. Our present is simply the culmination of our past. So yea, its like a memory book to me. Not something I pull out to cheat or something- more like something you randomly stumble across, and then enjoy a quick laugh at memories. It would of course be an issue if a partner is living in the past- but that isn't so much the items themselves as some hangups your partner has

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  • I have no reasonable response as to why someone would keep letters from exes. Sorry

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  • I wouldn't. They aren't dating anymore, it's time to move on.

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  • Yes its okay ones last is therr own and even thought it did not work out, they are some beautiful memories which can not be faded even if we get better or the best.

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  • Ex is past... So for any guy or girl to carry on gud relationship must forget their past.. And concentrate on present reln

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  • Those are good memories. If you truly trust & love your partner then you won't be skeptic about it.

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  • I don't know what the consensus is but i have a full box of stuff from my ex. My current girlfriend knows about it and she doesn't care.

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  • That someone prefers living in the past. Unless they died, I really can't understand why you would put your current partner through that.

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  • They might as well tell you they'd have sex again when you're not looking

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  • There's only 2 kind of people who write letters anymore... Old farts and prisoners

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  • Sure, it's their memories. I don't want to throw those away.

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  • No it would be inconsiderate selfish selfabsorbed behavior will end in Divorce

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  • What age are you? Who has written a love letter in the past 20 yrs?

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  • If she share all things with me and now her ex is only ex not present or future

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  • It should be clear with your partner, about your past

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