Guys, how do you get your girlfriend off your back?

I met my boyfriend about 8months ago. We started out (not proud to say this) but as friends with benefits and then he "ghosted" for a 1month work trip which I didn't know of. So when he returned and texted me, I flipped cause obviously I thought he dead. 3-4months after that text, we hang out casually out of the bedroom and got to know each other. Slowly he stared showing interest of wanting to be a couple. We did trips together, have sleepovers, do brunch, movie dates yet we don't communicate much.

We've been exclusively dating for 3-4months now and his work has done a lot to us. Because I know he travels and is always tired, i try to be patient and clear my calendar when he is around. At the same time, I feel like i dont know anything about his life.

At the moment, im not ready to give up and want to work it out. We have had arguments so many times when I tell him we're not spending time and not communicating. He user to rarely texts or call me for 2-3 days. Now he makes an effort to text daily.

I would like to improve how we communicate and grow together. Im guessing the easiest way is to ask him how we can do this? But I don't want to ask or talk to him about it as we have had arguements on lack of time so often. I just want to try on my side, so at least when im done and calling it quits.. i know i did my best.

Guys, whats the best way that you feel your girlfriend can connect and communicate with you? If its true activity, what kind would you suggest?

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What Guys Said 1

  • "But I don't want to ask or talk to him about it as we have had arguements on lack of time so often. I just want to try on my side, so at least when im done and calling it quits.. i know i did my best."

    Right there, the core of the communication breakdown. You expressing concerns over not feeling your needs are being met (making time for you) shouldn't be an argument it should be a discussion on tweaks to try to make more time or make the time that exists more impactful.

    Not blaming either one of you there, its both as it almost always is in a communication breakdown.

    Also one person can't fix a communication problem because communication is a two way street, the unfortunately reality is you fix a communication issue by communicating more.

    Something like the 5 love languages might help, it sounds like he's not showing you affection in the way that it is meaningful to you.

    My guess is he's probably doing it in the way that is meaningful to him, in my case my partners sometimes feel ignored because I can be quiet and just want to be around them, though I'm also quite supportive and complimentary, I spend a lot of time boosting my partners self esteems. For me just being close/touching and helping support them emotionally is how I show my affection naturally. In that case I had to make a point to do things like activities with them, bringing them flowers occassionally or something similar to help hit the buttons they needed hit to feel like their needs were being met.

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