Girls, how can a guy tell when a girl wants them to escalate a sexual encounter?

I think a lot of guys on GaG (including myself) could benefit and learn a lot from what women make of this issue. This isn't one of those sob stories, but I think it's something objectively confusing and fair to ask:

So last night, I was with this girl and we did the normal progressions, beginning with kissing and ending with sex. However, while going from one "base" to another (I know, I sound like a 7th grader), I was stumped as to how to judge whether she was down to escalate the situation. I kind of kept going where I was at, only eventually, and probably after way too long, she signaled she was bored and made the move to take my shirt off. And she did it with an annoyed eye-roll type thing - like a "wow, you're so clueless" kind of a look - Almost like how girls make fun of guys for not really knowing how to unhook a bra, lol.

And that happened every step. I wasn't completely comfortable asking outright "do you want to..." or "is it ok if..." blah blah blah. Maybe she was trying to give me signals I wasn't picking up on, very possible, but it kept happening while going from each stage to the next and definitely made things a little uncomfortable from time-to-time.

Guys get flack for not knowing how to conduct themselves with these situations in today's current social climate, particularly with the #MeToo movement, but I would argue that's unfair. I think a lot of guys like myself genuinely want to respect women and want to find the right balance between being too passive out of fear of a misunderstanding about consent, and being too aggressive to where the girl is uncomfortable and/or gets creeped out.

Girls, any tips for guys about how to know it's okay to move from one step to the next during situations like these?


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What Girls Said 1

  • As a girl who likes confident, bold guys I would say just go for what feels right. I personally like it when a guy takes control of the situation. Just make sure there’s not too much pressure, then she still knows she can stop it if it goes too far. I usually just stop the hand in motion or say “not yet” and then continue making out or whatever it is we’re doing.


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