What are your "non-negotiables" when it comes to dating someone?

I was watching the Millionaire Matchmaker (I am ashamed to admit that this is a guilty pleasure of mine) and on one episode, she was telling her clients that they needed to make a list of "5 Non-Negotiables," as in, what does the member of the opposite sex HAVE to have when dating them.

I'm just curious to see what you all say! And feel free to elaborate!


1. Loyal. This is the most important to me because if someone is loyal to you, they will always have your back, and in a relationship, that's necessary! Plus cheaters are the worst.

2. Nice. You can be sarcastic and loud and swear a lot, I don't care! But as long as you are nice to me and will treat me well, that's all that really matters!

3. Trustworthy. Liars suck! Enough said.

4. Some level of physical attraction. He doesn't need to be amazing looking. I actually like some physical flaws! There just needs to be some chemistry there!

5. Social. I like staying in, but I also love to go out and socialize. I am pretty outgoing and like to make friends, so the person I'm with has to be social too.

so tell me yours! :]


Most Helpful Guy

  • 1. Not Promiscuous: I live in a country where women are far more promiscuous then anywhere in the world with the national average for sexual partners for women being 20+. Sorry to say but this shows that relationships with promiscuous women don't last.

    2. Loyal: Links back to the first one, faithfulness and cheating.

    3. Intelligent: I've seen too many women drop out of uni/school and try to trick a guy to provide for them for the rest of their lives. I want an equal not a leech. I would prefer if they put their career before me and allow me to be their support.

    4. Takes the lead: I've seen too many women who complain about things but pass the blame to their man instead of just taking the lead and making it happen.

    5. Physical attraction and style: Physical attraction is important to me, if you have no self control with what you eat and are 200+kgs then there is no physical attraction, I work hard to look attractive so can she. Style is important because looking like street trash is not attractive.

    • good list!

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    • Gosh I didn't know that about New Zelands Gosh that's a lot...

      What about the guys? Probably the same right?

    • Ironically it's not the same for the guys, happens to be a lot lower. The doctors who did the research concluded that they were witnessing the pareto effect 80% of the female population are sleeping with 20% of the male population.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 36

  • LOL! You based chemistry on looks, that's pathetic for a girl.

    Anyway for me the non-negotiable.

    - Sex or foreplay with another man or men, and that goes for me or her, such requests are not allow in my book.

    - No wanting kids, if this is a serious relationship I want to have kids, I'm not the adoption type of guy.

    - Cleaningness, I don't want a girl with yellow teeth, bad smell, dirty nails, unshaved, allows the toilet or shower to get dirty, doesn't wash her hands, her hair smells, her armpits smell, uses dirty dishes, you get the idea.

    - Blowjobs. I can't live with a girl that wouldn't give me a bj, I know some girls that don't ever want to do that, but that's ridiculous. And that goes for swallowing, facials and anal. I'm not saying you have to do it often, but saying no for life it only means she doesn't love me and she is with me for the convenience.

    - Shopaholic, I want a girl that likes to dress good and with style, but I don't want a girl that wants to buy useless sh*t all the time and fill the house with garbage.

    • pathetic? chemistry is a mixture of things, and yes, looks are part of it. that's not pathetic at all, its a fact.

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    • Yeah, go f*** yourself, you lonely ass lame pathetic whore ****.

    • chemistry is just that chemistry. it is all about your physical hormones you produce in your sweat glands it makes you happy to be around a person. so looks has little to do with it

  • 1. Loyal, I think that's a must for any sort of functional relationship, and loyal to the point where we can trust each other no matter what.

    2. Beautiful mind, if they don't have the sort of mind set/style of thinking or at least very similar it's not going to go very far.

    3. Cute, she has to be absolutely adorable/cute, if she's hot, but NOT cute I don't care, I'm not really interested.

    4. She has to not only have a good mind on her shoulders capable of "deep" thinking, just putting deep, because it's easier for most people to understand, but also been a bit driven to improve, improve her life, the lives of others.

    5. A good heart, if she is all of the other things, but is not sweet and kind, then the other things don't matter, all of these things are things I would never negotiate or accept any less.

    • BeautifulMind. Deep. Cute. Good heart. Make perfect sense to me- I take loyal for granted because the relationship is over the second its broken and you can't know about her disloyal tendencies-- until you do:)

    • Yea, but some people are easier to pick up on their "likelihood" of being loyal or not, generally by looking at their connections to their family and or friends.

  • Well I'm not single (and thankfully, my Girlfriend ticks all my requirements), but here they are.

    1: Athesit. - I'm not rude about it, but I don't want to be with a theist all the time.

    2: Intelligent and critical thinker. - They don't have to have PhD in physics, but the ability to critically think and reason is a must for me. If you believe in astrology or homeopathy you need not apply.

    3: Generally nice person. - I don't want someone that complains and bitches about 'friends' etc.

    4: Not shallow. - Not sure how to word this but, if they look at the brand of clothing before deciding if a person is worth knowing, then they can jump off a bridge for all I care. I hate "image" centered people.

    5: Non smoker. - Obvious reasons.

    6: Not 'clingy'.- I like being independant. I like being able to play a computer game or watch a movie or go out with some mates without having to be around my Girlfriend 24/7. Couples that seem to need to be with each other all the time freak me out.


    Of note:

    I didn't put physical attraction in. I find most girls appealing in some way or another, unless they're extremely over/under weight or, say, a meth addict. But a "plain jane" that meets the above 6 is to me far more hot then, say, a hot girl smoking in church and complaining I'm not with her.

  • 1) Nice. Easily the most important thing. She has to be nice to me.

    2) No big lies. I don't mind a little white lie here and there, but when you say you love me and want me to be the only boy in your life then have sex with someone else, I'm going to get annoyed.

    3) Pretty. I have to think she's pretty.

    4) Has to be a good influence. I have to have a girl who would be a good influence on my little sister. I think she really needs some good female role models, because my mom doesn't set a good example, and she watches a lot of TV, so I'm pretty worried she'll end up acting like all those dumb tramps on TV.

    5) Has to like me. If she doesn't actually like me, she's just going to hurt me.

    • aw that's a really nice list! especially the part where you want her to be a good influence to your sister, that's cute!

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    • whats wrong with growing weed, that's like I don't know what that is but there is nothing wrong with growing weed, it makes you a farmer is a farmer a bad person I don't think so

    • I don't want my sister around that sh*t. I never said anything is wrong with growing weed dipsh*t.

  • I really like your answers. I don't know about my personal must haves. I think there's a million combinations of personality traits, and they all fit each individual differently. To comment on your selections, which are great: I think loyal and attractive are must haves, to some extent. Trustworthy is very similar to loyal. Nice is good; but too nice could be bad, especially in situations where I don't deserve it. Social I could care less about, as long as you like me, you don't have to be social to others. But again--it depends on each individual personality.

    Good question, though, it made me think.

  • 1) brain. I can not stand talking to some nincompoop. I can't stand the "ditzy little girl" stereotype. I pretty much had to start only dating girls with college degrees to have any chance of this one. Talking to someone half retarded, though cute... is kinda like masturbating with a cheese grater. Amusing, but mostly painful...

    2) reasonably nice to ME... life is too short to kiss someones @$$ every day.

    3) reasonably polite... to others. WOmen that are b!tchy and catty to all the other women, then are sweet and nice talking to me? Right, that's an act...

    4) have a career, not just a job. NO, I'm not willing to make twice as much money as I have to, just to give 3/4 of it away to some lazy bimbo.

    5) looks... I started out dating hot chix in college, because I'm not ugly, but... it got to be a pain in the rear, and I sorts came up with this list. Attractiveness, I'm kind of negotiable on. You cangt be fat and ugly, but, as long as you meet minimum specs, I can work with it.

    I've had the same ol lady for 20+ years, so... I can afford to do this:

    When "hot girls" start to act like a priss, I stop talking to them socially. I refuse to do their work for them at work, too. I deliberately make it a point to be nicer to "regular girls" when I am out, and ignore the "hot princess" in the group. Even though I'm not "in the market"...

    this system bore out well for me... the little lady has more college degrees than I do (I only have two, lol) and we can actually have a conversation, which by MY age is as important as anythign else. She doesn't understand my electronics, but, since we both have computer and math degrees, she understands what I do with software...

  • 1. She can't be a slut/hoe/whore/psychobitch

    2. She must respect my family and friends as I would reciprocate.

    3. She has to treat others how she wants to be treated.

    4. No backstabbing.

    5. No using me for personal gain.

  • Sexy/hot nice body

    Shorter than me

    Can support herself financially

    Can make me sandwiches

    Funny - someone who can take a joke, and be sarcastic at times.

    • bahaha number 4 made me laugh out loud. thanks for your feedback!

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    • Sure, if she can support herself. I only want what I deserve.

    • lmao... I make some AWESOME sandwiches... guess that's why I'm not single;)

  • 1) She has to be pro-life...I'm all for brith control but if it fails...I don't believe in abortion...unless its for serioushealth reasons of course...I wouldn't expect her to die! just saying that I would want a girl that really values life of her unborn baby. so abortion would be a last last LAST resort in extreme situations.

    2) She Can not like the movie "Teeth"

    3) I'm not anti-religion but I am a non-believer...my girlfriend could be relgious and I wouldn't even mind attending church...but I don't want her thinking that I'm going to hell and trying to preach to me.

    That's pretty much it...but truth be told...Most girls I tend to have a shot with don't fit either of these 3.

    • i am literally shocked that you cannot find a girl that doesn't match up to those. I feel like there are lots of pro-life people, no one ever liked the movie teeth, and I think its actually more unusual to find a girl who is really religious. you will definitely find someone!

    • i hope so lol...idk why but that movie really upset me...to see girls so happy about it really disturbed me...like there hostile toward men or something...the girls I watched it with teased me over it...i never told them but it really upset me.

  • 1- No ex boyfriends in the picture

    2- Doesn't hang around with males, or likes chatting about personal/emotional stuff online or on the phone

    3- She wants to have many children one day

    4- She is physically affectionate, even outside of sex

    5- We are sexually compatible (frequency and in terms of what we want. there is no way I've been a "nice guy" all my life only to have plain vanilla sex once per month because that girl now feels used due to having had so much fun with players before)

  • 1) Loyalty. I don't want to be with anyone I can't trust.

    2) Communicative. I don't want to have to guess at what she wants or thinks. I want her to talk with me and tell me and be willing to talk about all sorts of fun things which leads into...

    3) Intelligence. I don't want a girl I can't have an awesome conversation with. I want one who I can talk politics, sciences, philosophy, myths, games, anime, etc all sorts of things with. If she wants to talk about things that are shallow like things that enhance or detract "beauty" then that's not so interesting. But, even then, if she can make it interesting I'd be happy.

    4) Loving. I don't want a robot. I want to feel love and see my love given to her appreciated.

    5) Willing to try new things. And I mean anything and everything. And this includes helping encourage me to try things too. There are going to be times we might both feel a moral area where we just can't accept doing something, that's fine, but be fairly open.

    Other things are like hygiene are an obvious must, but I'm not going to include that in a list of 5 since it's kind of an unsaid must for EVERYONE :P and being cute is always nice. Cute in appearance or personality.

    Note: numbering doesn't mean priority, was just me keeping track of only being 5 :P

  • Can't limit it to five points:

    1) Intelligent, articulate, tolerant and unaddicted (eg to nicotine)

    2) Independent and adventurous, works for what she wants

    3) Open and honest, mutual respect, responible

    4) Loyal and sexually exclusive

    5) Doing nothing, makes me feel the luckiest guy alive to be near her

  • 1) sluttiness - if she was a slut in the past I doubt I could overlook that, regardless of how much chemistry we have amongst us...i just couldn't bare the thought that she had chemistry with all previous 30 guys and I'm just gonna be number 31...no thanks.

    2)materialistic/stuck up. I am not into girls that are all about wearing the latest clothes, coach purses, blah blah blah. mainly because I myself like to dress casual most of the time and I just feel like its kinda pretentious do dress up fancy all the time. also...these are the girls that usually get pissed that you made them something from the heart for their birthday or whatever because it wasn't worth like $300 bucks.

    3.) too flirtatious - I guess this kinda goes hand in hand with the sluttiness but its different because...i myself like to flirt a lot but...when I'm interested in a girl, I definitely tone it down and flirt exclusively with her. I don't know if this is weird or not but its just really disheartening when you think you have something going on with a girl and then you turn her back and you see her flirting her ass off with another guy...its just like...oh...okay I get it now.

    4.) sociability - like you said...you want to have a partner that can socialize and not just be dependent on your attention like a little puppy. you wanna go out somewhere and not have her make everyone feel weird or like, even just get along with your friends and family so that everyone can have a good time and no one is like man I hope that guy doesn't bring his girlfriend next time...

    5) crap I totally had a good one for this but I forgot it while typing number 4, so I'm just gonna jack your number 3. definitely honesty is a MUST and if she's dishonest...total deal breaker! even if its white lies kinda crap its like...why'd you have to lie to me?

    • What he said. It's amazing how many women I meet who can't pull off at least 3/5.

  • Heyyyy

    1. She has to be skinny, can't stand fat chicks sorry, its not that you can't control it.

    2. She has to be nice, I don't like in your face aggressive girls

    3. She has to appreciate what my background and my Hispanic, Latino heritage. I can't stand Xenophobia.

    4. She has to be talkative, its okay if you are shy but keep the conversations going, don't let them die.

    5. She has to be honest. She can't be a liar and she shouldn't play games. Games to be are dishonesty and they say a lot about their personality.

  • -Loyal



    -Good family/background

    -Must understand/appreciate/respect me and my ways

  • 1.) No children

    2.) No smokers

    3.) Must have a big booty (hey, you said be honest =/ )

    4.) Must be under 5'11"

    5.) Must not be high maintenance or obsessed with traveling.

    6.) Must share at least 1 of 3 things in common with me (taste in movies, taste in music or other interests) I don't like girls who are opposite to me.

    7.) No black girls (live for a month with my mother and this will make a hell of a lot of sense... my Mom is black).

    ...That's pretty much it.

  • 1. Boobs. This is important to me because I like boobs.

    2. A bodacious badonkadonk. This is important to me because I like a firm, round bottom.

    3. Will do whatever I feel like in bed. All the time.

    4. Wears sexy lingerie. All the time.

    5. Appreciates my occasionally offensive sense of humor (gotcha XD)

  • I don't think that's what they meant by non-negotiable.

    NOBODY is supposed to WANT to date someone who's not nice, loyal, trustworthy, or whom they don't have any attraction to... This is COMMON SENSE STUFF.

    Non-negotiable things would be like : "I like guys who are in to sports, so he has to be in to sports" or "His job has to make so much money" or "He has to get along with my friends"

    I'll say again, the things you named off are just common sense things.

  • 1. She has to be cute like Cassadee Pope or be a good looking classy and sophisticated woman like Lauren Conrad.

    2. Has to be faithful.

    3. Has to have a huge heart.

    4. Be down-to-earth

    5. Be interested in a lot of the things I like.

  • 1- has to be trustworthy, I completely agree with you on that one.

    2- has to find me attractive, if she doesn't, I'll be worrying about her wanting other guys more.

    3- has to be attractive to a certain extent; if she isn't, I won't get turned on when it comes to sex.

    4- has to have a good, healthy sex-drive; I can't be all non-sexual with a girl I'm going out with.

    5- she has to have a good sense of humor, no sense of humor and I just won't bother with her.

    6- down to earth, not stuck up or egotistical.

  • Charisma


    Open Mind



  • That they be themselves... NOT a person who they think others will prefer

  • You summed mine up better than I could have... Nicely done (LOL)

  • no multi year relationships

    no live in relationships

    no threesomes

    no sex within the last few years

    must want kinds at least two and is OK with adoption

    this is just to be considered and of course she would have to have personality traits for me to marry her but these are just the things I will not accept

  • kind hearted

    not addicted

    spiritual but not religious

    open minded

    healthy life style


  • no drug habit (weed is not a drug)

    no kids from a previous dude

    no violent outbursts

    not a cheater or liar

    must be able to hold a decent conversation and have necessary social skills

    must be able to laugh at herself

    must be able to call me out on my own flaws because no one's perfect, not even me :)

  • 1. Must be a virgin-virgin

    2. Must be loyal and trustworthy

    3. Must be able to support most of my dreams

    4. Have a job * Not required but preferred*

    5. has to have a stable mind. don't want any psychos, and not socially awkward

  • Butcher me all you want, but she HAS to be a Believer.

    Around that, the rest is semi negotiable.

    • I'm not a believer but I do understand what you mean with that. I think partners should have similar beliefs and moral values and never one should believe the other one is going to hell. I wouldn't want a girfriend who was devoutly Christian and thought I was going to burn in hell for eternity, so don't worry you don't deserve butchering lol.

  • 1. Christian

    2. Loving

    3. Smart

    4. Attractive

    5. Can hold a conversation

  • 1 under 5'4

    2 nice

    3 level of physical attraction

    4 common sense... Doesn't need to be smart just have some common sense

    5 straight

  • More from Guys

What Girls Said 35

  • My Expectations...

    1. No Hypocrisy - for example, I can't stand the guys that went out and slept around in their early twenties, but now that they're going on 30 and want to settle down, they want a "good" girl. They think a girl that has slept around in the past is unacceptable when they had done the same thing in the past. I was approached by an ex-marine once because he said he was ready to settle down, so now he was looking for the 'good' girls, and all the girls his age were the sluts he used to screw in bars/clubs. That's just one example of hypocrisy, but basically, he needs to have the same expectations of me that he has of himself. This goes for all things.

    2. Trust and Honesty - Honesty goes hand in hand with trust. I need to be able to trust him to be honest with me. If I do something he doesn't like, I want to know about it. Or if he wants something, I need him to trust me enough to tell me what it is.

    3. Willing to work hard - I need someone that is going to do more than just come home at the end of the day and sit their ass in front of the TV. I want someone who can work alongside me towards goals we decide together, someone that inspires me to work harder, and in turn, hopefully I can further inspire him too. I want someone that I can be a team with.

    4. Someone willing to take things a little slower than what might be considered the common norm. I won't sleep with anyone I can't trust, and I'm a little slow to trust. I have reasons for those, but I'd have to trust you before I'd feel comfortable explaining them.

    5. Someone that wouldn't mind a little bit of necessary baggage. My childhood wasn't rainbows and ponies, so there's some baggage there. I'm not the kind of person that makes my life revolve around my issues, I rarely talk about them with even my closest friends. However, I'd need someone that will be able to recognize that I do have them, and while I always do my best to make it as non-issue as possible, he'd need to respect its existence, and not think less of me for it.

    • the first is not hypocrisy, you show that you know little of male and female chemical make up

    • It totally is hypocrisy if someone holds their partner to different moral standards than him or herself. "Chemical makeup" is just an excuse. If he never slept around, then he totally has a right to look for that in someone.

      And I meant that as just one example of hypocrisy. A different example of hypocrisy would be both people having a full time job, but the guy still expects the woman to clean the house, do laundry, and be the one that makes dinner because he's been working all day.

  • #1. CLARITY. Ambiguity is great for music , poetry, art. With a person, with in a relationship , CLARITY is essential.

    #2. Thinking. I would not get along with someone who does not like to think. intelligence is cool, but if they do not like to think its no use to me.

    #3 World consciousness. Interest, awareness of cultures other than his own. I would not date a close minded self-centered person.

    #4 Important traits. Respect. Dignity. Consideration. Caring. Acceptance of differences. Logical. Compassionate. Passionate. Not melodramatic. Not petty. Not manipulative. Not calculating. Not underhanded. No game playing. Patient.

    #5 Similar world view.I would not date a fascist Or bigot.

    #6 Discussion. Willing to discuss if there is a problem. I do not want to read their mind nor have them think they can read mine-should I have to. If they do not respect themselves and me enough to take us both seriously and discuss problems, then we are not actually ion a relationship- no point pretending to be together.

    #7 Loyalty. This one is so obvious it seems silly to put down, because if they cheat , there is no point being together. Really its a moot point. It'd be OVER.

    #8 Curiosity. curiosity, is very important. People who are not curious create very somber suffocating environments.

    #8. Physical. if he does not like to move well never see each other. I can not stand being still for very log. feel as tho I am wasting the life I have been graced with.

    #9. Music. Similar taste in Music is pretty important because I listen to music 24/7.

    #10. Traveling. Interest in traveling.

    #11. Language. Interest in foreign language.

    #12. Politics. Interest in what's going on in the world politically.

    #13. Philosophical. Will ask many questions and look at things from many angles.

    #14. Is capable of being patient, in terms of sexual activity.

    #15. Comfortable with his sexuality and mine.

    #16. Does not confuse sex with affection.

    #17. Does not confuse affection with sex.

    #18. Does not have a problem combining sex and affection.

    #19. Is not generally, arbitrarily looking for someone - anyone- to be with.

    #20. Is specifically looking to be with me.

    (We should specifically want to be with each other and be comfortable with both sides of that.)

  • Hmm... I'm told that I choose guys rather arbitrarily, but a few factors (for a longer-term partner) that come to mind are:

    Open-minded/intellectually explorative-- I hate narrow, limited people. I invariably prefer those who seek out new experiences and ideas.

    Witty-- this is completely indispensable. I simply cannot tolerate people that lack a sense of humor, let alone be attracted to them.

    Attractive-- this doesn't mean he has to be an Adonis; in fact, I get bored with excessive good looks. There must, however, be chemistry between us and I must enjoy looking at him. This is pretty basic; nobody dates people that they find repulsive.

    Ambitious/driven-- I have high personal standards of performance, and the people I respect generally do as well. I have never fallen for anyone who did not want to excel in one way or another.

    Intelligent/talented-- I respect people based on my perception of their talents. Needless to say, I cannot in good conscience date someone whom I do not respect.

    Principled-- everyone should have a code of conduct for themselves, make their code clear, and do their utmost to stick to it.

    Confident/good self-esteem/emotionally stable and self-sufficient-- if you do not love and respect yourself, how can I be expected to? Dealing with a self-loathing emotional wreck is no-one's idea of a good time, and I will avoid it like the plague.

    And lastly... Different-- no matter how kind, civil, and affable someone is, I just won't care unless he sets himself apart.I like people who are the exceptions, not the rules. If someone can't surprise me, I can't really single them out as a significant other.

    ... and this is why I will die alone...

  • 1. Respectful - Respect for himself/me/others. This ties in with honesty/loyalty, trustworthiness, etc.

    2. A belief system of some sort - I'm Christian, but I'm not overly religious. I kind of hate people who try and force their religion on others because that's where people get the "she's a crazy Catholic" idea from. I'm perfectly content with a guy who isn't a Christian, but I want a guy who believes in something bigger than man/science. Whether he's a Buddhist or has a high respect for nature, he has to have a sense of something greater.

    3. Driven - I grew up in a household where education was limited and opportunities were missed for my mother, but she always pressed for us to get educated and be able to support ourselves. I need someone who doesn't settle for the part time job and living in the same life. He has to have ambition. Even if he doesn't have a Bachelors degree, he has to have a passion he's willing to do anything for, but within reason.

    4. Tolerant/Willing to try new things - Get out of your comfort zone. No racism, holding onto stereotypes, superficial judgments, and unwillingness to try things out like food from different cultures or a new dance class. I want a guy who will dip his toes in the water and then dive right in. Be adventurous and spontaneous. Live outside the box every once in a while.

    5. Laid back/nice - I just want a guy who will stop to help an old lady put groceries in her car and hold the door for me. A man who blesses you when you sneeze and says thank you. I'm not asking for Prince Charming, but give a little bit of love/acknowledgement to those around you. I'm big on offering a smile or a helping hand. I also want a guy who doesn't want to spend a million dollars on fillet mignon, but will make some pasta and pop in a DVD. I'm happiest in the simplest moments and I'd love to find someone who reflects that :)

  • 1. Successful - by this I mean intelligent, motivated, either potential to do well for himself or doing well for himself. I want him to at least equal my accomplishments.

    2. Atheist - I would never ever ever date someone who was not atheist. Immediate turnoff no matter how amazing the guy is in every other respect. For others this would probably be "Same religion"

    3. Really adores me - I want a guy who doesn't really look at other girls, only sees me, accepts me entirely the way I am

    4. Good Chemistry - personalities mix, physical attraction, it just 'works'

    5. Interesting - he has to have a lot of interests that he's passionate about - hobbies, fields of study, things he likes to do...

    Already caught one =) Good luck everyone else.

  • 1. Loyal- always a good trait. I don't want to have to worry about him going after some other girl. he's gotta be trustworthy.

    2. Funny- not always cracking jokes funny, but he's got to make me laugh. I want to enjoy being with him.

    3. Responsible- he's got to have a stable job and be financially responsible. especially since my #4 is...

    4. Family man- I expect to have kids with him someday if I'm in love. so he has to be open to the idea and looking forward to it. also, a good relationship with his parents.

    5. Sensitive- to my feelings. I'm not good at expressing myself so id like if he paid attention enough to tell when something is wrong. and he has to feel comfortable enough to talk to me.

  • Mine aren't too difficult to live up to.

    1. Trustworthy- Above all, I want someone who I know I can trust.

    2. Kindness- All I ask is that they treat me and the people important to me with kindness. They don't have to have a sweet personality, but should be able to treat people nicely.

    3. Intelligence- I'm not requiring a rocket scientist, but just someone who I can hold a good conversation with.

    4. Independence- I'm not the clingy type and I don't want the person I'm in a relationship with to be like that either. I'd like them to enjoy spending time with as well as doing other things without me. I don't want them to ONLY be happy/enjoy life when they're with me.

    5. A certain level of outgoing/adventurousness- I have a variety of different interests and I'd like for my guy to at least give some of my hobbies (such as horseback riding and swing dancing) a shot. They don't have to love them like I do, but maybe at least occasionally make an effort to take part in them with me.

  • 1. Honesty

    2. Social - I need someone who gets along with my friends and knows how to have a good night out on the town.

    3. Not controling

    4. Attractive

    5. Not overly cheap - I once dated a guy who took me out to dinner. He said he was paying so I left my purse at home. When we got to the resturant he told me he wouldn't pay for drinks (this was in Germany, so water wasn't free). In his car he had a bottle of water and told me if I drank that before going into the resturant it would keep me from getting thirsty and it would save money because drinks are expensive. Then he got mad at me when I didn't finish my food because I was too thirsty to eat. Now, I am not expecting a guy to pay for everything and buy me gifts... I just don't want to date anyone who takes being cheap to such an extreme.

  • I love that show too :D

    There are four things I think are important:

    1) Respect. He should respect himself, others, & me.

    2) Morals & Values. I'd prefer a man who had my same Christian values, but if a guy who wasn't a Christian seemed to have strong morals, I'd consider dating him.

    3) Not an alcoholic or drugatic. If a guy does drugs or drinks alcohol everyday, I'm not going to date him, period. I've seen too many women get hurt by those kind of guys.

    4) Career. I'm not saying he has to be millionare, but he has to be able to support his end of the bills. My sisters make the mistake of dating men who don't have jobs, & have to support their butts. I've learned from watching them to never date a guy who doesn't have a job. But that doesn't mean I wouldn't date a guy who doesn't have a job because: He is in college, he is actively looking for a job, or he was laid off.

  • 1) Must be funny.

    2) Must be manly-ish. He doesn't have to like sports or anything, but he can't be a wimp either. I need to know I can be protected/defended if anything happened.

    I honestly cannot think of any more. I guess the rest of my non-negotiables are kinda obvious. No jerks, no liars, has to be nice etc...Looks are not so much important. I have to like the person you are first. If I do, then I'll think you're the hottest guy in the world, even if you wouldn't be considered that by the general public.

  • 1) Truthful, a man of his word

    2) Respectful

    3) Has a job

    4) No piercings or tattoos

    5) No criminal record

    • no criminal record is a good one too! I overlooked a lot when I made my list lol


    • Show All
    • it depends on what they did.

    • well I live in Australia and if you've been arrested, more often than not, the cops were right on. So I'm sticking with "no criminal record"

  • 1. Intelligent. Since I have high intelligence myself it is hard to be with a guy who is even just... average.

    2. At least some looks. I hate to be shallow but... if the attraction isn't there, the relationship won't be.

    3. Easy to hold a conversation with. I'm pretty introverted so sometimes I lack in the conversation department, but any guy that can pick up the dead ends in fantastic in my book.

    4. Humor. The world isn't always a serious place, so you shouldn't always be serious.

    5. Kinky/good in bed. I'm sorry but if the relationship is going to be anywhere close to serious, you better know how to make a girl feel good. ;D

    6. Religious compatibility/open-mindedness. As an atheist, I like my guy to either share the same beliefs, similar ones, or be open minded enough that he would never push anything on me.

  • 1. Honest

    2. Sense of Humor

    3. Smart

    4. Driven

    5. Patient!

    • oh my gosh you girls are all reminding me of things I wish I thought of when I made my list. I'm gonna have to re-do mine at some point lol.

      thanks for answering!

  • Must believe in the love of Jesus Christ.

  • 1. Loyalty. I want someone who is going to be on my side.

    I had an ex who always sided with his friends and bitched about me to them- it really hurt.

    2. Honesty.

    I am honest to a fault and therefore I don't understand why people are constantly withholding info or telling me outright lies in return.

    3. Self sufficient.

    I will not pay your way, nor do I expect you to pay mine.

    4. Similar values.

    Don't want to date an alcoholic druggie who has a potty mouth around young children and my parents.

    5. Sexual chemistry.

    Don't care what they look like- if there is chemistry, then to me they are the only man in the world.

  • He CAN'T smoke or do drugs/ be an alcoholic

    He HAS to be taller than me

    He HAS to work out/take care of his body/ have good teeth

    He HAS to be attractive to me

    He HAS to have ambition to get a good job and be a hard worker

    He HAS to be smart

    He HAS to be accepting of my hobbies

  • Loyal/Faithful


    Respects others


    Clean (don't mind messy, there's a difference)


    Not a smart ass/sarcastic

    Knows that there is a time and place for certain behaviours and acts accordingly.

    Non-smoker/ no other drugs except alcohol, and in moderation.

    Has a life separate from me and allows me to do the same.

  • 1. Similar political and religious beliefs or in other words cares about people... no racists, no homophobes, etc.

    2. Emotional chemistry... includes trust, etc.

    3. Work-ethic... no lazies

    4. I must be the most important thing in his life. :-D J/K... I'm at the very least above work, gaming, beer, and other women.

    5. Must have what I like to call "throw down" or in other words sexual chemistry and is adventurous! Hubba hubba! ;-)

    6. Humor

  • 1. Less than 4 sex partners

    2. Intelligent / intellectual

    3. Spontaneous

    4. Family-oriented "Bring home to mom" type

    5. Not awkward.

  • 1. Honest/ loyal .

    2. Either athletic or musical..

    3. Pretty eyes, <- only physical quality that means anything.

    4. Able to hold a conversation, without resulting to one word responses.

    5. Caring .

  • 5 is not enough But ok...

    1)Funny guy, that makes me laugh that would make me like him right away

    2) Cute looking to me otherwise he will be just a friend

    3) He desires me, that's pretty important

    4) He has integrity that means morals...

    5) he is spontaneous, as I don't like routine

    If a guy had all of that I am pretty happy

  • doesnt do drugs




    of some ethnicity-Im not really attracted to Caucasian men

  • 1- honest, we have to be able to be open with each other.

    2- respectful, of me and my family & friends.

    3- chemistry- it has to be there.

    4- he has to be able to make me laugh

    5- trustworthy, no cheating.

    (in no particular order.)

  • He has to be taller than me!

    He has to have good teeth!

    And has to like the same music as me or has to introduce me to good different music, because music is my life.

    It sounds weird but it is true.

    • thats not weird at all! I totally understand lol I was contemplating putting music on my list as well.

    • Oh GOOD! Oh one more thing, he has to make me laugh. If he doesn't have humor, I'd die of boredom.

    • yeah I definitely need to put that one on my list too haha. my list needs some serious work!

  • Someone who gets my dry sense of humor, who is cute although they don't need to be gorgeous, and generally a nice guy. The best saying I've heard is that you should be with your best friend that you want to have sex with...

    • i agree with the best friend who you want to have sex with, but also must inspire you and give you a thirst for life when they are there.


    2. HONEST



    5. SOCIAL

  • christian, not a weed smoker and not doing any drugs, respectful, decent, loves me for what I am.

  • Must be responsible, honest, and trustworthy.

  • I must find him attractive.

    He must be honest.

    He must be respectful of me.

    He must treat me the way I deserve to be treated.

    He must be loyal.

  • 1. Kind

    He must be compassionate

    2. Reliable

    If he says something then I need to know that I can count on him to do it

    3. Funny

    He doesn't have to be funny, he doesn't even have to make me laugh, but he needs to be able to laugh at himself and life

    4. Easy going

    Not intense

    5. Good temper

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