Do you have closure on old relationships before you begin a new one?

How important is it that both partners come to the relationship with closure from the past?Do you have closure on old relationships before you begin a new one?

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Most Helpful Guys

  • That's the ideal, but sometimes there is some lingering pain or another type of effect, even if it is as benign as wanting someone with a very different personality. We cannot simply erase the past in our minds.

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Most Helpful Girls

  • For me it would be really important, but I have learnt that it is not usually even possible to get closure. Sometimes you have to make the closure yourself.

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  • Very imporant! I need it or else I will ruminate trying to make sense of everything. Sometimes it's hard to get closure depending on the break up situation. I think it's good to settle down and then talk about it after a little bit of time has passed

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What Guys Said 30

  • Is best to end and cleanup before dating again. I've heard a rule of 1 yr off for every 3 years in relationship... wow! I've not come to closure on priors and it caused a lot of havoc (e. g. emotional pain) in relationship as she was insecure with other women (most are). A friend had the same scenario and his wife reacted terribly until he cleared out his X wife. I've learned it is key to protect the emotional relationship and so do whatever that takes! If the persons are secure it may not be a big issue, but I'd err on the side of clear out. This is hard though... as it means disconnecting from part of our life (loss, loneliness) or boundaries dealing with those you have kids with and it's not easy. Um... were not supposed to have all these breakups like we do today... that's another matter. Funny, I asked an 86yr old couple about relationship and they said they don't understand the word! That isn't how they think... its a marriage! Maybe our generation has a flawed concept?

    Not only that but you get a lot of lessons learned out of relationship.. what is important to you, your must haves and where you can flex, what is good for you, learning about others personality, and how you need to grow and heal as a person. We all have emotional baggage influencing us and guiding us in the wrong ways and trashing our relationships.

    There's also the internal healing... we bond emotionally (chemically?) to each other so it takes time to diminish that hold so the old relationship isn't casting a shadow on the new one.

    People, due to their schedule (clock ticking) or emotional wounds (I can't stand this feeling of alone), can run from person to person to fill a void. Not really good as they drag their problems around until they process those emotional issues. Again, reason to pause and learn to be emotionally stable in your own space.

    That's what I'm doing now, taking space to process and learn so next time is better. Lesson learned.

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  • Without a closure, the pain persists.. and it may not be possible to invest 100% in the new relationship. Also, a closure conditions the subconscious mind that the only way is forward - no lingering longing to go back.. memories - sweet and painful - will remain, but a closure definitely helps to move on.

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  • I find closure is something you can do on your own during the recovery phase, not something that both parties has to help with to do. But yes, it is important to do before you move on to a new relationship for sure.

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  • Lol, no. If your the self-reflective type you probably won't find 'closure' for a very long time. Not until you have buried all of the memories under a sea of new ones.

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  • I think before you move on, one must have put the other to bed... or in the grave, so to speak... If you dont, you end up in a rebound relationship that you think you wanted and later regret it.

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  • I have always been the guy that gets dumped and have a hard time getting closure. Its been 9 years since I last dated or been in a relationship and the last one still hurts now.
    I now accept I will never find a woman that is even remotely interested in me. I waited too late in relationships and life to decide and as a single never married and no kids man women just label me as single for a reason.

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  • I think closure is important but how quickly that happens depends on the individuals. My experience has been that women find closure almost instantly compared to what men go through.

    When I am in a new realtionship I never mention the past unless I am asked and even then I keep information to an minimum. I don't think people want to hear about an ex anyway.

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  • I wouldn’t attempt a relationship until I was over my ex. It wouldn’t be fair to the new girlfriend and would probably be a waste of time for the both of us.

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  • I've never had closure. Once, I kinda sorta did. I accidentally met my ex after almost 20 years. We talked a bit. I told her it was nice to see her. She said thank you. It felt good. Haven't seen her since. Hope I never do.

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  • Of the relationships I have been in it was like they dumped me (or I dumped them) and move on. The only 'closure' was simply not seeing them again.

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  • I never understood what it meant exactly. I think ideally a relationship ends on not-so-bad terms. If not though, I tried to get over it on my own.

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    • Like I understand the dictionary definition, but not the nuance. I had an ex one time talk about this and I didn't know what more there is to do now that we've broken up.

    • Funnily that ex broke up with me, only to start dating another guy, then wrote me saying she missed me and wanted closure. So I felt kind of strung along and maybe a bit hurt by it all but my thought was like, "What more do you want from me? What further information is there to exchange besides the fact that it's over between us which you already emphasized several times?" So I really didn't understand the nuance of what "closure" even meant here.

  • Closure is a very important thing for me before I start a new relationship. Closure or lack thereof is one of the main reasons why I haven't been able to be in a relationship for the past 3 years...

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  • What exactly does 'closure' mean to YOU?

    If it's over it's over. It doesn't even need to be over to begin a new one. Or many.

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  • You don't always get closure. You just have to move on best you can

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  • It is quite important, as repressed feelings from the past are said to come up during new relationships and cause deeply psychological, almost unsolvable arguments...

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  • Very. Middle School EX cheated on her husband when we reconnected. Current ex did not give me closure nor broke up with me so what she's doing is considered cheating I guess but I'm past her and don't care anymore, it just would have been nice to know after a year of no issues why. I've always given closure and besides those two I think they've always given closure. Turns out Middle School ex became my friend with benefits though, what did make time for a real relationship and wouldn't come around unless she was getting served

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  • I know that I needed it. and I am glad that I found it. If I didn't, I would have destroyed some poor girl's heart.

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  • I don't know about everybody else but for me it's very important that I have closure.

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  • Most times yes. But not all relationships you will have closure. Just move on all I can say.

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  • Not important at all I don't do endings. The relationship may change, but to me it's still there.

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  • Heh. Like women find closure unless it’s vindictive. Just need to move on

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  • hell no. I do not want either, because only one thing out of her mouth was a lie

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  • Lol... nope. I just replace em and work my way up.

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  • I always need closure.

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  • depends how dramatic it was

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  • No closure: too much drama.
    We just grew apart.

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  • Closure is preferred but not always achieavable.

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  • Closure is overrated. Just move on

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  • Usely yes

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  • Thats the best way

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What Girls Said 12

  • It helps, but sometimes it's just not possible. It really depends on how things ended between the two of us

    For example, the last guy I seriously dated cheated on me. I vented and expressed my thoughts to him so I could move on. It took a while to get over him but I did!

    Then you have instances where you just can't or rather not see the other person again for whatever reason. You have to move on regardless

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  • It's extremely important to have closure from past relationships, in reality very few of us do, not having closure could jeopardize a new relationship or feelings fade in time depending on if the past lover has moved on with their life leaving you little choice but to move on with your new life as well.

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  • Do you mean that you're status is broken up and you're both aware or do you mean that you're both completely over each other? Because yes you must be broken up, and I'd recommend time between, but if someone won't get over you you can't help that.

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  • I have always had closure when I have closed the book on any relationship first.

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  • No... with time I can figure out where I went wrong. I don't need the ex to do so. I DO stop to sort myself out first tho.

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  • Usually not.

    Coz I am hurting is why I look for a new relationship

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  • I don't understand what that means. If a guy broke up with me and gave me his reason. That would be enough.

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  • It is very important for me to get/give a closure. I always gave closure to all my exes I broke up with. My last boyfrienf just disappeared after I tried to confront him about lying and cheating. Didn't tell me why he did it. Didn't even let me say goodbye or said goodbye. He just disappeared. After few months, he comes back and tells me how much he missed me. I told him to never bother me again. I've moved on.

    There were two people who saw me how shattered and devastated I was- My boyfriend and my best friend. They helped me move on. If they were so understanding and weren't there for me, I would have still wondered why my ex dud what he did? What did I do wrong? Etc.

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  • Very important!!

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  • Usually

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  • I get closure by moving on with someone else

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  • I try to but some guys aren’t always willing (a minority in my experience though).

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