Is it normal for someone to bring up their ex constantly while they’re in a new relationship?

My boyfriend is super sweet and treats me really well but I have one complaint. He is ALWAYS bringing up his ex. I don’t think a single day goes by where he doesn’t mention her multiple times. When he brings her up it’s always for the sake of comparing her and I and he’ll always say that I’m better, he’s never compared us and put her above. Despite this, it still doesn’t make me feel great knowing that he even thinks about her that much. Maybe I’m being paranoid but I can’t shake the feeling that he isn’t completely over her. I finally asked him about it today and he apologized and said that he does that because his ex was his first experience for everything so he feels the need to compare us.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Was that his first gf?

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    • 4d

      He had girlfriends before her but she was his first “serious” girlfriend. They were together for almost two years I think.

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    • 4d

      Me for instance, my ex and I were together for 2 years and he was my first boyfriend and we are still cool with eachother and I wouldn't being him up often but i do still think about our relationship bc 1, I've learned a lot and i changed. It affected me a lot so things like that when it really affected ur life u can't really just let it go like that if it makes sense.

      So if u have an issue with it, don't get mad or anything. One thing i find i always mess up when i assume something and I dont look at it from the other person's perspective. So just ask him and have a convo about it. U can even ask questions about things in his past and it'll bring u two closer to eachother. People who really love eachother have to except them for who they are but also for who they were😉

    • 4d

      MHO right here!

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What Guys Said 15

  • How long were they together and how recently did they break up?

    My girlfriend and I were both married for many years before getting divorced and we got together while those wounds were still fresh so early in our relationship we both talked a lot about our exes. That didn't mean we wanted to go back to them because neither of us did, but neither of us had fully healed from the breakup of those relationships. Part of what we bonded over was helping each other through the difficult process of dealing with the divorces.

    Over time, we started talking less and less about the exes but even now, several years later, we'll still occasionally bring them up in the same way he is - a comparison where we're happier with our current partner than our previous one.

    If they were together for a while and the breakup is fairly recent, my opinion is that you should give it some time and let him heal from that. If it goes on for a long time though, then I'd start questioning why he doesn't seem to be getting over her.

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    • 4d

      They were together for almost two years. I think they broke up around March.

  • I admit I've done it, the fresher the break up the more you will hear. I wasn't completely over her yet and I've had girls do the same and vent about their ex's to me. I think it's normal and maybe healthy to an extent but if it's EVERY day and constantly then it's way too much. At least he knows about it, give him some time to adjust, he seems like a halfway decent guy if he at least apologized for it.

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  • yes and no.

    It's common, and a regular occurrence. And happens often in relationships. but it's annoying. and i feel sorry for people i those relationships.

    Help us all make it NOT normal by no longer tolerating it and going after people who don't do it.

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  • Probably isn’t. My friend used to do this all the time after his breakup from a really hot and nice chick. She realized what a loser he was and ended up leaving (the ex). The new girl, who he brings up his ex to, is now his wife.

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  • You need to tell him how you feel. Tell him it's not the same thing. You need to smack him on the nose.

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  • He's not over it, maybe he's not over the pain or maybe he's not over her I think its one or the other, talk to him and find out

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  • It’s common but that doesn’t mean it’s a good thing, because chances are they haven’t moved on and are just using you to get over them.

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  • Yes i would ask him why he does that cause i believe no one
    should compare their ex with their present significant other.

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  • Not normal.
    Underlying unresolved issue (s).
    May not be completely over the ex.
    I'd dump a girl like that.

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  • Maybe it helps him, but he really needs to separate you two completely in his mind.

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  • Yeah it probably is as he is telling, he only dated once and it's only reference he has

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  • Tell him to shut the fuck up ! Or dump him. You're way above this.

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  • no that's not good. means they are still hooked on there Ex

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  • nope

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  • It's not at it means they're not over them. Sorry

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What Girls Said 8

  • I've experienced this. It could be that he's not over her, and I feel that was my issue in my case, though he says otherwise.
    Just tell him to stop. Maybe he doesn't realize that you shouldn't constantly compare y'all, even if you do come out "on top" in the comparisons. I get that it was his first experience but just tell him that it's not respectful to continue and if he doesn't stop, he'll be comparing you to the next one soon enough.

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    • 4d

      Lol a guy would never dream of telling a girl that

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    • 3d

      @chris_987 Yes. But I don't think it's extremely polarizing

    • 3d

      Maybe in a society where it’s less equal it is but in a society where men and women have no barriers I think ever fits into there genders more comfortably.

  • Hmm.. I can understand that it can get annoying. But he does have a good explaination. Maybe wait a few weeks, im sure he'll stop talking about it once he had some more experiences with you, too ;)

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  • Nah it’s not normal, he probably has feelings for her. I was talking to a guy who kept on bringing up his ex and I told him to stop because it was annoying and he did. If he doesn’t stop then yeah like I said before he probably still has feelings and you should leave him.

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  • That's just not right comparing your current girlfriend to the girls that came before even if you are better in his eyes..

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  • I don't think it's normal. It makes me think his mind is elsewhere.

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  • Sometimes it seems normal for those people. I would not date them. I learned.

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  • No. It’s not normal

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  • Shut up

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