Why do I not get many dates even when people tell me I'm beautiful?

So I'm a female woman in her late 20's with a good education and a career that I'm really passionate about. I'm very calm-natured and easy to get along with maybe because I'm generally a positive person and don't take myself too seriously. But also fiercely independent. I've been told quite often that I'm beautiful, gorgeous, stunning etc. Yet I find it hard to find someone to date and go through long periods without seeing anyone. It never bothered me in my early twenties but now I'm at the point where it would be nice to find a good man. I've been using tinder on and off for years and although I get loads of matches and guys tell me I'm too good to be true (I try not to let it get to my head as no one's perfect), the convos fade out although I know I can hold one, and those I've dated from there turn out horrid. Offline I only get stared at but never approached and the ones that do are never my type. But my friends seem to get dates easily and find boyfriends. What do you think could be the cause of me finding it so hard to find someone, even though people tell me that I shouldn't? I know this is quite vague, but anything would help. Thanks!

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What Guys Said 2

  • First, identify what you want in a boyfriend. i'd wager that sort of guy is seldom, if ever, found on Tinder, so you need to meet him somewhere else.

    Also, get some honest feedback on how approachable you are.

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  • Well, all of the qualities you mentioned have never guaranteed you'll get asked out. There's more to it than that. The people who are complimenting you may very well be blowing rainbows up your ass as well and you're overstating your attractiveness because of it. Regardless, you do say that you do get approached, so maybe if you lowered your standards you'd go out on more dates *shrugs*

    Now, let's for clarity's sake, say that "never getting approached" means the number of guys who approach you relative to the number of guys who look at you is very small. There are several reasons for this. Firstly, you probably don't look at all approachable. We live in a culture, now more than ever, where guys are vilified for giving women "unwanted attention", like approaching when she doesn't want to be bothered. And women these days do so much to signal that they don't want to be bothered, whether they know it or not, like wearing their earbuds, being on their phones, appearing busy, being with their friends all the time, resting bitch faces, etc. So guys are very hesitant to approach women who might very well be a bitch because she didn't want to be approached by anyone at that particular time.

    Also, guys are generally cognizant of the fact that attractive women likely already are taken or have lots of guys chasing their ass. So any guy you're talking to, even if it's just a casual acquaintance, is assumed to either be your boyfriend/fiance/husband, or has a better shot at you than he does.

    Then there's the whole issue of how one would go about approaching and striking up a meaningful conversation with a women that may or may not already be taken and may or may not be annoyed by a random guy approaching her, which has no easy answer because it's all situational and not every guy can pull something captivating out of their ass at the drop of a hat.

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    • 2d

      I'm sorry why would someone feel the need to blow rainbows up my arse? I don't need to prove anything to anyone so if someone says I'm beautiful then they mean it. No one's forcing them to. Doesn't that seem more logical? I think that comment was unnecessary, but in regards to the approachable comment, I believe that I am. Most people get tired in the morning on the commute to work or school, so they will be on the phone etc to fill their time.

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    • 2d

      Firstly those downvotes are for you, not me. Secondly, yes your comments may have some truth in some people's cases. But definitely not mine.

    • 2d

      But thanks for the 'advice'.

What Girls Said 2

  • With no pic for perspective it is hard to figure out why. But Tinder? You can't be that desperate and that may be part of the problem. Isn't that for hookups? That would be like trying to find a man in a dive bar.

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    • 2d

      To be honest I don't use it often. I've been using it on and off for about four years. I've just started using it again because my friend said she's met some good guys there. And my sister met my fiance via tinder, so not everyone there are after hook ups.

    • 2d

      Maybe not, but it has that stigma attached to it.

  • First off, stay off of tinder: bad! You're not going to find anything serious on there, just flings or guys looking for a hookup. Actually dating in general just sucks nowadays, no matter who you are.

    Guys probably assume you're either already taken or seeing someone, especially if you're attractive and seem to have your life in order. Or they might just be too intimidated to approach or try to date you for fear you'll reject them.
    Try going out more, especially with your friends to meet new people, or to places you have interests at- you might meet some guys through mutual friends or doing some of your favorite hobbies.

    Also, don't be afraid to approach a guy you're interested in or ask them out- maybe if you make the first move, he'll know you're single and interested and want to see where things go with you!

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    • 2d

      Thank you. You're right maybe I do need to try asking them out! And yes it may be time to quit tinder.

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