Is he a keeper or is it time to let go?

My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly eight months. At first, I felt like I was the only person in his life. He didn't really have anyone to hang out with and that's why we were always together. Now he seems so distant all the time that we barely hang out together as a couple. The only time he would offer to spend time with me is when I get mad at him. I feel like my boyfriend shouldn't offer dates with me only when I am mad to make me feel better. Well the biggest reason why we haven't been seeing each other is because he works full time and volunteers. He hasn't been there for me during Christmas and he decided to spend new years eve working. And just now, I went through his phone messages and saw that he hung out with an old friend who is a girl and never told me about it. Should I be concerned that he hasn't told me? I'm not sure what to say to him or what to do. Looking through his phone, he seems more animated in his texts with two other girls other than me. Oh and to top all this off, no one knows we're dating...and yeah that's his choosing only cause he doesn't want to weird people out by our age difference which is 5. I really need some advice! I've just been feeling down in the dumps.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I wouldn't worry, there are plenty of things you've mentioned that could actually and oddly indicate that your fears are wrong.

    I think you ought to try improving things before you make decisions about the future of the relationship, and you can't make anything definite until you've really tried.

    You should really try and at least just talk to him more, spend as much time with him as you can, even if you're just sitting quietly in the corner of his room while he does some work (maybe do something of your own when it's like this). DON'T do away with communication! As far as I'm concerned that's a recipe for disaster, too easy for too many new problems to develop, too easy for existing problems to worsen, makes it near impossible for you to understand what he's thinking, increases the distance between the two of you. You'd just be abandoning the relationship to chance. Granted if you then break up it'll be a lot easier on you, but is breaking up what you really want? All those things I've said are bad, you've got to put effort in to get the opposite, get their good counterparts, improve their good counterparts, and if you're already trying, don't give up! Persist! Change can be a very very slow process, as well as a fast one. Fast changes can easily take a long time to revert.

    Don't give up is my advice. Not giving up improves your chances a lot. Giving up hurts them.


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What Guys Said 2

  • You are mad at the loss of your relationship internally and have no clue how to get it back. Everything you do drives him farther away making him spend time at work and communicating with others. Whatever you do to pursue this course of control aimed to get back the status quo will end in ruins: a) you SUCCEED in capturing him back = crystal ball says your future ends in divorce ... and eventually you stray looking for more controllable men; b) you FAIL in attracting him back, leaving him to stray back to you if there's really something there and you find more time to communicate with others more willing to share time.

    Summary: endue the pain of giving up on him but treat yourself to hair & makeup, workouts, dining, Dancing (at least classes if you don't know how) and outings with your most attractive friends to network your life back into a new relationship or two. Treat him like a brother, not an ex but do not allow conversations, et al. that make the pain meter get higher.

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