I had a first date last night, and I want a second one. What do I do now?

I'm 28, he's 35. I liked him a lot but I'm scared he didn't like me. We stayed out for 2 1/2 hours talking and it was fun. He kept saying I could order whatever I wanted though we just ended up splitting a pizza (I don't really like spending a guys money a lot, especially on the first date just to be courteous when he's paying). We left, he asked for a hug, and I gave him one. I asked him if he wanted to do it again sometime and he said he did, but I think there was a hesitation. I told him he could text me tomorrow (which is now today). I also text him last night this:

Me: Hey, I really enjoyed going out tonight with you. Good night! I'll talk to you tomorrow.

Him: You too, sleep well!

I'm not sure if he really wants to see me again or if I should text him. Should he text me first? I don't really know what I should be doing. I never get a second date the rare times I get a first one, and I'm not sure if he genuinely liked the time we spent together so I'm confused on what's supposed to happen now. I don't want to sound desperate but I also don't want him thinking I wasn't really interested when I was. Him being 35 makes it more difficult because I feel most guys his age are past game playing and I've never really been one to play games like this but I also have a tendency to ruin things pretty fast because I end up doing all the work talking to someone, and I don't want to drive him away. We don't have plans yet, but we also haven't spoken since the text I sent last night at 9:30pm. It's now 11:50am where I live. Do I wait a couple days or should I just wait for him to contact me first? I kinda told him to text me first but then the message I sent last night sounds like I implied I would talk to him first.
Updates:
I texted him and he called me back. He said he felt bad leading me on but that there was no chemistry and that he’d go out with me again if I really wanted him to like I’m some charity case. So that was a waste of time. Again.

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Most Helpful Guys

  • I have a few comments in no particular order:

    - Trust your gut: twice in your opening paragraph you predicted no 2nd date "I'm scared he didn't like me" & "I think there was a hesitation"
    That was your guy sensing his lack of chemistry.

    - Order you own food: Don't ever feel badly about a guy treating you on a 1st date, that's our job. You are the prize and it's our opportunity to woo you, show that we can take care of you. By not choosing something and worrying about "spending a guys money a lot" it may send the wrong signal to your date. Just know going into it he is prepared to spend money and it's your job to enjoy yourself and feel like he I treating you.

    - Be open to a kiss on Date #1: I also didn't used to kiss on the 1st date out of respect for the woman as I didn't want to signal I just cared about the physical. But it's 2019 and it is acceptable these days to kiss someone especially because there is usually some communication online before the 1st date and it can help judge if chemistry is felt. Obviously I agree no sex on date #1 but if you feel it go for the kiss or do whatever magic you ladies do that makes a guy want to kiss you.

    - Dating isn't a waste of time: I know what it feels like to have a dozen 1st dates and the rejected feeling they can come with. But you probably know the experience is never a waste of time. Be sure to reflect on the night and find a lesson, something you learned about yourself or something about him you either desire or would be a red flag in your next relationship. If you see dates as wastes of time it will be hard to match to someone eventually without this experience. I applaud you going on the date and good job getting closure, most people don't.

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  • You said that you'd talk to him the next day; so you should talk to him the next day. Leaving it a few days to see if he texts first is (a) playing games which every guy hates, and (b) going back on something you said even when it's something you want to do and takes mere seconds.

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    • she told him he could texr her the next day though and being the guy she should allow herself to be courted and not make the "guy moves"

    • @mialimil

      "Me: Hey, I really enjoyed going out tonight with you. Good night! I'll talk to you tomorrow."

      You say things like "if they want something they go for it" - well, women have agency too; they should likewise go for what they want.

      Sitting back and expecting men to chase is how men get the impression you aren't actually interested; especially if you're telling her to refrain from doing as little as initiating a text exchange.

      It seems in this case he wasn't interested, though.

    • if he cares enough he'll put himself out there. I've seen when a guy is interested and they never leave you wondering, you always know. And apparently you didn't read closely before leaving she told him he could text her the next day, fyi never say that to a guy. If he wants to, he WILL text without you telling him to.

Most Helpful Girls

  • Good you gave an update it’s ok it was like passing time off from your work. That’s all you can take in your stride and he’s given you honesty but that word stings. Sometimes it’s not about looks it’s the pheromones. You can’t control that it just exists.

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    • He wasn’t really honesty because I asked if he wanted to go out again and he said yes. Then he called and told me he actually didn’t really want to.

    • Forget him Allie I hate such guys I had a recent experience. He hurt your feelings and you have personal pride too. You can spend time pampering yourself and feel like a gem. Let them try to impress you even if you wear smile.

  • Be patient; it's still early in the day. Unless in the past he's texted or spoke to you that early in the morning, give him some time. However, I don't see the issue with you texting him a "Good morning or good afternoon" text, let him know you had a really good time last night, and hope to meet up with him again sometime. Basically keep it simple and courteous.

    There is nothing needy, desperate, or bad about that. If anything, it lets him know you're interested in him and you do want to see him again.

    Now if he doesn't reply to your text today- then I'd be getting some red flags from him and back off or wait for him to reply to you.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 20

  • Yes, your good night message created a bit of ambiguity. He sounds like a fairly traditional guy so he probably expects to make the next call. I would wait for him to call you.

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  • If he hasn’t talked to you by maybe 7 or 8pm think about texting him, but he’s probably just busy now.
    It likely wouldn’t hurt to text him first - we aren’t as turned off by someone getting pushy as girls are, but I think you’re getting worried too soon here.

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    • Someone just said Guys don't like constant contact & now your saying Guys don't mind when girls are pushy? Which is it?

    • @Terra1984 Pushy is probably the wrong word
      There is a difference between being clingy and being willing to take some initiative. All I meant to say was the whole idea of playing hard to get is bullshit

  • Wait for the message. Give him a few days. Hopefully he will text you the next day if not just wait. If he doesn't then break the silence. Just dont over think it or rush it. Give it time let him think of you. If he honestly enjoyed your company he will get back with you.

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  • Don't let it get you down, dating is like riding a bike, or filling out a tax return, its just something you do, to meet people, but you have to practice in order to get good at it. So just date some more people try to dates a week. Some you will like and be attracted too, others maybe just for friendship.

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  • Ok, you hugged but did not kiss. That could mean he didn't like you or he's very shy. I'd say he likes you because he wouldn't have spent 2.5hours with you...
    You've got to hold back and let him make the next moves... If not you can send him a ping text in a few days :)

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    • wth are you telling her and you're 43? why would he kiss on the first damn date wtf and people like you are on here giving advice

    • @mialimil. Please refrain from castigating others who offer her. If you have an issue with my age or experience then that's what it is, Your Issue.

    • well your advice was clearly wrong.

  • I'm sorry to hear that, dates are not my area of knowledge, when I spend a day with a girl or go to the cinema toghehter we already know each other well its something more fluid than just setting up a date

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  • Hmm a tricky one, usually ending a date with a hug means it's going to end in friend zone down the road, either that or he's nervous. If you like him a lot, then simply message or call and set up another date then and there.

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  • Ok good but just wait and c y ur confusion ur self its a date right... dating is also a good relationship ok u both have to enjoy it if u r him refuse it its not ur date yar ok cool and wait if he like u to date really he will back to u

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  • Well you left it as you would be in touch the next day, so it would be best to do that. I'd recommend far later in the day, like towards the evening and not first thing in the morning

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  • Sorry that happened. I was going to recommend asking him out but with that update, i wish you good luck.

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  • Life is too short to feel shameful. Leave all of it and go for it. at least you will know if he wants you or not.

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  • Re update:

    Well that sucks. But I’m also hadn’t you texted and found out. On to the next one.

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  • Did you have sex on the first date? No. Then your second date will be great.. if you did have sex. It won't last long.

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    • All we did was hug. I don’t kiss or have sex on the first date.

    • Get to know him more and more. Then give in. You've done good so far.

  • You're over thinking it. Make plans to go somewhere and ask him if he wants to go with you. If he doesn't want to go, then go anyway.

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  • Text him later this afternoon or this evening. If he likes you and wants a second date he'll probably be happy to hear from you.

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    • Update: I'm glad he was honest with you, but im sorry you're not getting a second date. Hopefully you'll have better luck soon.

  • Go for it

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  • U should wait for his message

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  • You're seeing it way too negatively

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  • Contact him again

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  • Let it see where it goes

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What Girls Said 8

  • Give it a couple days. If he doesn't text back send a casual text like "'Hey just making sure you didn't die or something. Lol"
    If you text back too soon some guys can see it as needy.

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  • I would give him a couple days to text. This way it shows your not overthinking and it shows your busy and have a life of you own. If he doesn’t text within a few days I’d text him and say “hey, hope your having a good day. —“ and then you can try and make more plans to see him

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  • Wait today and enjoy your day, you can text him tomorrow if you want to and if he isn't really talking to you and just texting to be polite, let it be and move on

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    • Sorry that this didn't worked out but honestly I like how he told you that and that he even told you what's up

    • Show All
    • Oh sure, don't know right now where he lied, but yeah agreed, still he called and told you

    • The lie was that he said he wanted to go out with me but he told me he really didn't but he would if I really wanted him to.

  • Listen girl plain and simple, if he wants you he will reach out and come after you. Just remain in your place and wait for him to come for you and court you. You already showed PLENTLY interest you told him to text you when you really don't need to. A guy that likes you WILL text you and oftentimes or in my case they text the night of thanking you for going out with them then follow up in the morning. Put it bluntly if they want something they go for it. Imagine if you want a slice of cake in the fridge REALLY badly, are you going to sit and wait for the cake to come to you? No you're going to get off your butt and get the damn cake. Now you're the cake, he knows where you are so let him show interest and come after you. This will also fell better to you.

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  • Wait a week and ask him out yourself.

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  • Ask him out again

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  • Just ask him its 2019!

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  • One down more to go

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