Is it ever okay to date your friend's ex boyfriend or girlfriend?

Is it ever okay to date your friend's ex boyfriend or girlfriend?
  • YES
    Vote A
  • NO
    Vote B
  • Only with their permission
    Vote C
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
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Most Helpful Guys

  • I voted "yes" because I can think of one circumstance in which it would be okay. If your friend died, it would be okay to date someone that your friend had dated.

    Otherwise, dating a friend's ex is probably going to lead to the loss of the friendship. Even if you ask them, they may say "okay" because they feel pressured - either internally or by you - to agree but they will harbor some resentment and that will grow as you continue to date their ex. They may be tolerant initially but if it becomes obvious that the relationship has become sexual, things will unravel very quickly.

    Would you want your friend to date your ex? Probably not. You can't expect your friends to treat you better than you treat them (Golden Rule) so don't do it!

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  • When is it not?
    A relationship is a commitment between two people not 3. Just because that guy is an ex of your friends doesn’t mean you need their permission to find the love of your life.
    Half the people you dated already probably know a friend of yours do you ask that friend of friends permission to date that ex? No so why is a friend any different?
    Relationships are to find a person to marry not for reputation.

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Most Helpful Girls

  • With their permission. But I couldn't do that. Too weird.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • uhm ya whatever. he's not in my life anymore. depends on how close I am with my friend. If she is my bestie, hell no. She should know better. But if we just regular friends, yes date away. marry my leftover idc lol

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  • I don't think it will be good...

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  • You'd better get their OK before doing it.

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  • I wouldn't go there.
    Even if she's okay with it, you have to wonder, "Why did things end with them?"

    And even if she claims she's okay with it, we all know they're going to be a little jealous! It's human nature. She might not ever want her ex back, but the thought of having her best friend sleeping or dating him? Lol, NO. Drama waiting to happen.

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  • About a year ago, I would have said No 100%. However my current roommate started to date his friend's ex about a month after his friend broke up with her. It was a little bit weird, but they are all good and there was no serious fighting. However the friend dumped her, and had already moved on. I will openly admit that they probably got lucky that nothing ended up worse and they were all adults about it.

    I would say that some of this depends on your relationship, if you have the friend's permission, if the friend broke up with the ex or vice versa, and is the friend already dating somebody. In general if the relationship is truly positive, if the friend broke up with the ex, if the friend is already dating again, and/or the friend gives permission, it is more likely to end up okay. NOTE that this is not an exhaustive list of criteria.

    However it is important to tread very carefully. If any of those are not true then it makes it very easy to hurt feelings and feel like a back stabber

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  • Really depends.. Yes, if I wasn’t good friends with the guys ex. I mean, if they’re broken up.. Then he has a right to be with whoever he wants. If I were to ever date my friends ex, I wouldn’t date him right away... I say give it time and keep it Lowkey.. if you immediately date that person after they just got out of a relationship, it’s gonna look like something was going on when he was still with his ex girlfriend. I would definitely talk to your friend first before making anything official..
    .
    .
    That’s how I see it. If my boyfriend and I ever broke up, (which I don’t see happening ever.. we’re way too into each other to even think about splitting... about to disappoint all the chicks I know that are into him.. 😂😂) I wouldn’t be too thrilled to see him dating one of my friends.. especially ones that I consider good friends.. At the end of the day, I’d have to be respectful of his relationship and accept it. No girl ever, wants to see their ex boyfriend date their friend or just anybody.. Who wants to see their ex, who they spent so much time and had created a bond with, be with someone else? whether they broke up on good terms or bad terms... and whether they admit it or not... Easier said than done.. but that’s just how life is..

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  • Well none of my friends are exactly the same as me and vice-versa, so it's not ridiculous to think that someone else in the same circle of friends wouldn't be a better match if the previous one got some things right.

    Now in my experience when I've seen this happen, it's more because one of the parties involved just needed a sex partner and it had nothing to do with a meaningful relationship. Or there was some cheating going on already.

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  • It's not the best idea, and it really isn't ok in my opinion. Here's why.

    When you date someone you grow attached to them. Your friend and the Ex are the same. If they break up for what ever reason the feelings will still be there for that person and will always be there even if faintly.
    Now say if you ask your friends permission to date them. I have seen a lot of situations where the person is insecure about it and are trying to lie to themselves that they are over the Ex, so in some cases they will say yes when they really wanted to say no. and that causes some real tension, jealousy and strain on your friendship even if they never confess to you or they are very good at hiding it from you.

    In short it's a bad idea, most people aren't confident enough to speak their mind, even fewer will have the courage to confess to you afterwards that they aren't comfortable with it. It's always the best idea not to date a friends ex and find another fish in the sea, all situations are different and call for different medicines. But they broke up for a reason and you have to ask yourself if you are being selfish and unthoughtful to your friend.

    Summary -
    1. There will always be a bond or feelings for someone after you break up no matter how much you try to cover it or lie to yourself.
    2. read 1. Your friend is the same.
    3. Your friend if they do say yes is most likely too insecure and not confident enough to say no and tell you how they really feel about it because they are still trying to convince themselves that #1 is correct.

    In my opinion of course, I hope this helped a few people comment if you want to have a mature discussion about this.

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  • It depends how close of a friend he/she is and how serious were they. if its just some friend you hang out with I bet its not a big deal unless they were very serious and she broke his heart or something like that. if its a close friend out of respect you should give them a heads up before making a move.

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  • **I chose yes, with permission.

    Because you don’t want to miss an opportunity that maybe this person could be your soulmate.
    (Cheesy.. I know.. lol) BUT there is a lot of factors that should be considered.. which could change.. if the decision is a good or bad one.

    It all depends on..

    -How serious the relationship between them was.
    -Serious (it would be Awkward.. especially if plans to have a family was intended)
    -Quick hookup (Not so bad)

    -If they still have feelings for each other.
    -Yes (You don’t want to get between that and affect their chances of reuniting)
    -No (Fair game and you deserve a chance to see and try)

    -How close are you with that friend.
    - Very close (might ruin friendship over this person.. I don't know if that’s worth it)
    - Not close (Then it won’t matter)
    -If you’re aware of all the things they did in their relationship (Intimacy) due to your friend gossiping about it. (That would be awkward and they’ll be no mystery/Excitement if you do take a chance.. but you’ll know exactly how they are)

    Also, it seems to guys.. it wouldn’t be much of an issue. Wether they get their friends blessing on not. But I have seen some get married.

    For Girls it seems to be a big NO! Lol but then again.. I have heard and seen dramas dealing with said topic. Where it ruined friendships and even got physical to a point where girl fights eve involved their bf’s.

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  • I think it would be highly awkward but if it ended amicably and you ask your friends permission, then ok but it never will be ok actually.

    It might be a snub in your friends face. Anyway there are many to be friend and romance why your friends’ ex? As if numerous other gorgeous women or handsome men don’t exist? Some outdo your friends ex.

    Bringing the ex around in familiar circles will hurt your best friend or regular friend.
    Don’t risk that for romantic gratification.

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  • YES. ABSOLUTELY.

    Anybody has a right to date whoever they damn well please. A true friend would not and does not have a right to tell their friend who they can or cannot love. Furthermore, love is not something that is merely logical but something that people cannot help.

    YOUR FRIEND IS NOT YOUR PROPERTY. YOUR EX IS NOT YOUR PROPERTY.

    The very minute that a relationship ends, the bond that you have with that person is no longer a matter of your life. The moment for example, you break up with someone, you have no right to complain if he goes out and fucks 20 girls within 30 minutes. I am sick and tired of people, especially women, cheapening their decisions to break up with someone. You shatter someone's heart and then demand that you have a property claim over them or somehow a claim to how they mourn or get over a relationship. uhm... no dude or madam... no you do not.

    Maybe... just maybe... if there were consequences to breaking off relationships, people would treat them with more care rather than just another flick of a thumb on tinder. Maybe.. just maybe... if someone knew that by breaking up with someone another person and yes even their best friend might be the one to lie underneath that person with their legs wide open... maybe then in realization to that type of possiblity.. we would have more compassion to try to work things out rather than have 50% of marriages end in divorce and a tinder slideshow of exes that could be the faces of 20 carousels.

    Before I was born it used to be that it was more work to date someone and be in a relationship. You had to actually ask that person out in person. You had to knock on the door of their parents and ask to be with them. YOu have to ask the parents for their hand in marriage. Or maybe you were John Cusack standing outside a window with a boombox on top of your head. But you see the work made relationships actually matter. Now, a lot of people are on dating sites and swiping thumbs for the next option even while in a relationship.

    This doesn't mean I am religous. I am not. It doesn't mean that I despise non relationships. I don't. As a matter of fact. I encourage people just to have fun and have sex and then after the honeymoon phase of several times having sex---then decide whether a relationship should be tried. That's how you know it is real. But I think it is differently. I am a helpless romantic and a nostalgic type of guy so here is what I mean.

    Let me explain. I"m 32 years old. When you are in the workforce you realize that you are just a kid at that age because I will be working for another 30 to 40 years. But you know what? Life is short! There are so many people I had a crush on as a kid that I missed out on a chance with. I didn't think I was good enough, social pressure, stigma, or maybe that person was my friend, or maybe that person was my friends best friend. But who gives a fuck? I would take all the risk in the world if I could just go back and have the courage to offend for the possiblity of a love that lasts a life time. Love is love and life is short. Go for it! Have fun! Have sex! enjoy it! But love is the most important thing you can ever find in your life. And when you find it--i mean TRULY find it--then when you are old an looking back you won't give a shit about the fact that your best friend 30 years ago was pissed off because at that point you are retired with three kids with a life well spent.

    "So I be written in the Book of Love,
    I do not care about the book above.
    Erase my name , write it what you will--
    So I be written in the book of Love."

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  • No matter if they say they are okay with it, no one truly is. Now, I guess it does depend on how close you are with the friend, but I would hope you realize that if you did start dating a friend’s ex, a wedge may be created between you and said friend. The relationship you both once shared will not be the same. Sorry. No lies here.

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  • I'm fine with this. I don't see why I should stop two people from dating just because the guy and I dated before which never worked out. Those toe people could be the one for each other so I won't want to get in the way of that.

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  • It'll have to depend on the reason
    Why we broke up

    If I broke up with him, because he was cheating on me or abusive then no. Friends care for eachother, and that would not be caring nor supportive to me.

    The only reason I'd be ok with her dating my ex, is if we both simply lost interest in eachother or if we realized we just weren't the right person for one another. We would probably remain as friends

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  • Not that I would wanna date my friends exs anyway (they all ugly)
    However it would HIGHLY DEPEND on the circumstances of the relationship.
    How long was it? Were they in love? Who dumped who? What kind of person are they? How good of a friend is she? Is she currently dating someone else?
    If (friend) got dumped by ex, than thats a NO.
    If ex got dumped by (friend), than its more reasonable.
    But no matter the circumstances ALWAYS ask permission.

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  • Yes, they don't own that person after they broke up. If they were actually engaged or married though, then at that point I think it would ruint he friendship if you dated their ex.

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  • Simply Put...

    Yes

    Just because you are friends doesn't mean they control you, and love doesn't work in terms of "oh but you dates my friend" If your worried about logistics when it comes to love, then good luck finding real love.

    Sometimes you find love where you least expect it, sometimes it's your friends ex😅🤞🏽

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  • If you talk to them before, see where your friend stands with said person first.
    Though, I went out with someone and I'm now friends with three of his exes - two were with him before we got together and the other one was after. I didn't know any of them before we got together. Just means we have something to laugh about (the guy is an absolute tool), though it might not always be the case that you'll find you all get on after..

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  • A lot of people would tell you that yeah, they are fine with you dating their ex, but in reality they aren't fine with it, they just don't want to sound petty or vindictive.

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  • It's only okay if your friend is fine with it. Everything else only creates unnecessary drama. My ex who I am good friends with even actively encouraged his best friend to hit on me. Now we're in a relationship since over 4 years.

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  • I want my friends to be happy, so as long as the breakup was over incompatibility and not because she was evil or crazy, I wouldn't care if one want to date one of my exes. I, however, would probably would not date one of my friends' exes because they tend to go for the party types, which is not my thing.

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  • In some rare circumstances maybe yes. But only if it was for true deep love and only if the ex didn't do something horrible to the friend that ended the relationship

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  • Even if it’s cool by them, I don’t do second hand lovers 😂

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  • I dated an old school friend's ex after they broke up. I also dated another friend's ex after he messaged me days after they broke up. If I was really close to someone and they told me they wouldn't want me to date them, then I wouldn't.

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  • I would say is fun but not ok cause is awkward. Oops I am old fashion why some out there will b ok with it.

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  • I mean I don't have much experience with this dating shit, nor do I want to, but in general I'd say that with their permission it's okay (ish).

    If you love your friend's ex THAT much, and you're that close... then go for it.

    But generally, I'd say there's enough people in the world to just take the safer route and go for someone else.

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  • it depends on the past relationship. was it serious? how old were they when they dated? how do both people feel about the relationship.

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  • It should. The point of a free society, is that you can choose your own path. If you like someone, go for it.. as long as they aren’t in a committed relationship. If they broke up with there ex. Then, your friend should understand that this is life. Could be awkward, but two consenting, and functional adults don’t need to answer to anyone about what they are doing. That’s my thought

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  • I would say discuss it with the friend first. It could go either way.

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  • Sure. Just because your friend doesn’t want her anymore doesn’t mean she’s not a great girl. It’s probably best to know for sure that he doesn’t want her anymore though.

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  • If they're really close to me and are okay with it, then sure why not, I don't want that to affect our friendship

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  • Your friend's ex isn't their property, they can date anyone they want. Obviously they broke up for a reason. Unless they were forced to separate then you should be able to have a chance. Honestly if a friend of mine told me he was attracted to my ex then I'd support him.

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  • No, very unlikely for me bc it would feel wrong. However if there were some circumstance that I really wanted to date someone my friend dated, I’d clarify that it was okay first.

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  • I think it depends how serious their relationship was. Like if we were together for years or something I'd probably have a problem with it but if we broke up after a couple months then sure go ahead lol

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  • I wouldn’t go there haha. Conflict awaiting to happen because no matter how many times the friend says she’s ok with it, the majority of girls wouldn’t be ok with it.

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  • I voted yes because the friend doesn't own the guy.

    Though in the end it ends up with the friend probably wanting nothing to do with you.

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  • Well, of course it depends on relationship you have.. Some couple have a kind of "free" relationship & they dont care who & with whom is. My personal opinion would be: not to date with ex..

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  • I never date anyone that's dated one of my friends. Someone else can do it but it can risk maybe ruining your friendship.

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  • I don't know. Depends on the relationship between the friends. Since he/she is the friend's Ex, they don't need to worry about their Ex cause they're no longer in a relationship anymore?

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  • This sounds like such an awkward situation! It's hard to say! Maybe with your ex's permission, but then again, in the end, it is your choice.

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  • If you ask permission it's okay. We are all adults here. Just because it doesn't work out with you doesn't mean that it wouldn't work out for one of your friends. I only date the types of people that would be my friends anyway so it is not unusual at all for my other friends to be attracted to them too

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  • I don't understand why lots of people say either with permission or no.
    You're not in charge of their life and your ex is out of your life. What right do you have to choose who they date. Stop poking in.

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  • If you want to end the friendship then go ahead lol

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  • I mean, if it's been a few years, like 5 or more, I don't see a problem. Earlier than that, it might be awkward.

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  • I remember in school, I broke up with a guy and a few days later, he asked out my friend. She asked me if it was okay and I said it's fine. I never really had feelings for him anyway. So I guess, it depends on how serious they were.

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  • I tried that once. In high school, I ask and he agreed that it would be fine. We didn’t speak for over 10 years after that.

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  • I can't I be just thinking they fuck my friend I feel gross. I wouldn't fate my ex-friends they pretty ugly.

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  • Yes they are divided by their own means. What does love have to do with friendship. She didn't like him so she likes me now. Big deal. If he dated my ex I wouldn't be upset that's childish.

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    • What if you started dating your best friends ex and he said we can't be friends anymore... I can't believe you'd do this to me and he looked sad and angry

    • He got issues he hasn't resolved within himself. Nothing to do with you.

    • If person like them they would still be lovers. Not ex's so why the selfishness for standing in the way if love for u?

  • Would feel weird but yes. It also depends on circumstances, if I haven't overcome the breakup yet I would feel bad about that situstion. If a friend of mine start dating a really old ex I have almost forget his existence, it's pretty fine.

    About asking permission that's awkward. I wouldn't like nobody to ask me permission to date someone. My friend or my ex are not of my property, so I'm no one to tell them what to do. They should do whatever they want as free humans. My feelings about it are my own business.

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