Should single moms talk about their kids on dates?

Now before anyone gets triggered or anything it’s just a question I’m trying to process in my head.

I recently started talking to this woman who seemed cool and mature which is what I’m into and has 2 kids who she’s been looking after and is in the process to adopt them. I kept shifting the conversation towards other things to get to know her but she keeps finding a way to talk about them or make a joke about something similar with the kids which makes me uneasy.

Now I feel like an asshole because I’m starting to distance myself from her but this isn’t the first time this happened to me.

So back to my question, should they or should they wait a bit and only talk about themselves?
Should single moms talk about their kids on dates?
  • They should talk about them freely
    Vote A
  • They should try to avoid bringing it up on the first date
    Vote B
  • They should do it gradually over time.
    Vote C
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
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Most Helpful Girls

  • This woman's whole world is her kids. She is just living her truth. You're allowed to be uncomfortable about it because you dont have kids. It is a challenge to date someone with kids because you just can't relate. Being involved with some with kids is tough not going to lie. The reason why women with kids bring them up is to weed out the people that dont want to date someone with kids. Because, technically you will be getting the whole package. There will be times where she can't find a sitter for date nights. It is a way to mentally prepare you and her for what will be next will you be interested? Or will she keep looking. I hope this was helpful sorry I rambled a bit.

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  • It’s okay to bring them up but the point of the date is to get to know YOU, not your kids. If you only have your kids to talk about then I’m going to assume you don’t have much of a life.

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    • You're very one sided and small minded.

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    • 🤣🤣 she's acting crazy

    • It is rather easy to lose yourself or your life (if there’s a difference) in your children unfortunately. But there are probably other problems within your life. My husband and I were married over 20 years before he died and when we went out to dinner we talked about the kids. When we made a rule not to talk about them, we talked about the dogs. We had lives but we lost our way and didn’t know how to talk to each other any more.

Most Helpful Guys

  • Single moms or dads will always talk about their kids. You should probably try and avoid it on the first date and once you get to know the person gradually... then you can bring them up. What you don't want to do is use your date as a therapist to vent to them about your kids. Venting can come in the sense of bragging about them or letting your date know how much they don't listen, they fight an argue, etc etc. Remember this is a date... not a night out with your friends.

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  • Kids are usually the most important thing in a parent's life so they're going to be focused on them. That said, she should make some allowances when she is talking to a non-parent.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • If you don't want her talking about her kids, then don't date her.

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  • I think most people with children talk with other people with kids, so they get used to talking about their children. So when it comes to dating, it seems natural to talk about the things that take up a lot of their time.
    I think people with kids should try to limit how much on the first date, because you aren't trying to date the kids, and like you said, your trying to get to know that person, not their children. That can come later.

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  • I'm gonna try and say this without sounding offensive but, personally in my opinion as a single mother myself i would not share anything about my baby to someone im trying to get to know. I perhaps would slide in somewhere in the conversation mentioning I'm a mom out of courtesy for the other person since I don't know what other people are okay and aren't okay with. I would definetly never bring up my kid like that though because it really is a safety issue. You never know who you're talking about your child to and there's A LOT of sick ass people in the world. I would rather keep my baby a very PRIVATE part of my life as i think other moms should too. moms should definetly consider that instead of just talking about their child like that to guys you're going on dates with. I Also think people who upload A LOT of pictures of their kids shouldn't for the same reasons. Pedophiles hardly go to parks anymore because, all they have to do is open up instagram and see kids there. Parents love to post cute pics of their kids and its not bad and i know talking about your kid isn't bad either but, we have to be choosy with that! P. s i know you have no Ill intent but mom in general should but a little more cautious than that !

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  • The best defense is a good offense.

    My belief and strategy is always to be totally open about myself and only when I have nothing to hide do I have nothing to fear if my chat partner, date or anyone I am seriously considering to share my life abides by the same rule.

    What good is it to get head over heels about this person, just to find out that on your wedding day he/she says "oh by the way, I have 2 kids waiting at home, would you mind hurrying a little".

    This is a very important "luggage" that a person is logging around with her/him. To me, it is a total no go to be silent about that fact. Better be disappointed on the first date than when you are about to go to 3rd. base and are interrupted by the baby crying.

    Be honest enough and not let the other having high hopes if this person is not willing or capable to accept you and your toddler (s). It is the basics of decency and honesty.

    And if you feel that this news is not a handicap to a future common life, then hats off to you for being a person that places true love above all other obstacles.

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  • You contradict yourself. Being a mom is her. As a mom, it's a huge part of our life and identity. It's hard to not think about them as they are our whole lives. Especially a single mom, she's probably been out of the dating scene for a while so it's all she knows. If kids aren't for you, then don't date mom's. Kids are our world and they come with the package. Just some friendly advice😉

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  • I can see where you’re coming from. The thing about moms is they are all about their kids. I’m a mom. When I’m asked what I do for fun I say nothing. My kids are my life. She might not realize she’s only talking about them. It’s not easy to talk about yourself when all you’ve become is a mom. If you really like her you’ll need to understand where her head is.

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  • Ofcourse she should mention that she is a single mom or has No interest in having children with you.

    Because then you can drop her Like a hot potato and look for another woman.

    Don't feel like an asshole, you shouldn't take care of someone elses mistakes.

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  • Two answers here. One, I think regardless of sex, the female or male should disclose they have children obviously. Two, the whole conversation should NOT be about the kids. In this particular case I’m assuming she’s exited about the adoption and plain being a new mom. Or she could be testing you as to whether you’re interested in her new little family or are you supportive of her. However I feel you have a right to distance yourself naturally because you’re interested in HER. You want to get to know HER. Your interest (or not) in the kids will come later if things work with her. I’m sure subconsciously (or not) you’re feeling neglected and ignored because you failed to get to know her as she paid all her attention about her kids. It’s natural and it’s a fine balance for parents. If you like her enough, then just say I’d love to here about your kids, i think it’s great your adopting, but right now, Id really like to learn more about you and ask a question specifically to/about her maybe why she wants to adopt.

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  • When a woman has children, they are her whole world. Women talk about experiences more so than things about themselves, and a single parent will share most experiences with her children.

    I dont think its unnatural or uncommon for a woman to talk about her kids all the time. I would say to just hang in there, you'll get to tall about her soon enough!

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    • Interesting that I got thumbs down from guys. That first paragraph wasn't even an opinion. Do I think they should talk about kids all the time? No, but I do recognize that that's just how it is.

  • Maybe there's a limit to how much they talk about the kids, but of course they should to some extent. It would be weird not to. If you're getting involved with someone who has a kid, that's going to play a part in your relationship and you'll be expected to have some sort of relationship with the kid. You should have been aware of this beforehand...

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  • Sorry, if you're uncomfortable dating someone that has already kids you should leave her alone. The world of someone that has kids already is totally different of someone without. Either you join wholeheartedly or you don't' join. Mother nature will force her to place the interest of her kids before anything else. If you continue a relationship with her they'll be a major part of that relationship too.

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  • Yes they should. Making another assume and guess causing miscommunication and problems. Nobody wants to deal with a person who's going to commit fraud. You decide how serious you want to be in your relationship. Because people that are serious about their relationships wants to know everything before they commit to somebody that they don't want to commit to.

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  • If the kids are a big part of her life, it’s best that she expresses that so you know they’ll probably be a big part of hers. But there should still be a happy medium in terms of balancing out her life and yours.

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  • As a single mother, I'm interested in dating men who are parents. Yes I will talk about my kids. They come first, as they should. A partner who is also a parent will understand this responsibility. If you don't want someone to talk about their kids, then date someone without kids or adult children.

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    • The point of the date is to get to know you, not your kids.

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    • If you're going to make assumptions about me then I am going to make assumptions about you.

      And I don't believe you. You're not wasting any more of your time yet you found the time to go to my comment and call me closed minded and small minded lol. You're so petty lol

    • @Allie_Oops I'm siding with you. Maybe she's a childfree-phobe?

  • Ok I get it, the kids are her whole world. But she shouldn't be going on and on and on about it on a date. It's excessive and annoying. This personality type is an egotistical and narcissistic one. They love to talk about themselves.

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  • Single moms should not be dating - period. Whatever time they have left over after working and running a household they OWE to their kids. They NEED her, whatever she has left.
    And a string of strange men in and out of their lives servers zero benefit, can actually be deleterious.
    She's already fucked up their lives with a broken family, no need for more.

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    • Wow, seriously? So I should stay celibate until my oldest graduates from college? Is the same true for single dads? There is a definitely another option besides a string of single men in and out of the house. What if Mom heads out here and there when there's a babysitter or the kids are at the grandparents' house? What if the kids want to see Mom happy, not just a vacant shell if a provider and parent?

      And why is "she" the one who f***** things up for her kids? It could have been he. It could have been mutual.
      Stop representing us older folks so poorly with that bad attitude.

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    • Ignorant and butthurt lol, never seen someone so passionate about someone ELSE’S dating life 😂

    • @Allie_Oops - Dumb and dumber. I've never seen anyone argue about nothing so much. This will be your undoing in every relationship you have. No wonder you're here arguing - no guy will put up with your bullshit. And we have to put up with dipshit women like you here.

  • Well, if you don't mind always being second to the kids then go for it. She is signaling you that even on dates all she thinks about is her children.
    I personally could not accept that but to each his own.
    If you think this is too much for you no one blames or judges you. It's your right. Find another woman. This one comes with baggage in form of children.

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  • Absolutely. If they’re a loving mom worth their salt, then damned straight you should talk about what matters so much in your life. Happy trails to any a$$hat that isn’t into it. My god, mothers may be one of the most beautiful things in the history of existence. Not to take away from the super gorgeous reality of wonderful fathers, best friends, supportive girlfriends, kind boyfriends and cuddles from dumb, fat cats. By holy wow, mothers? Divinity!

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  • She wants to know how much she cares about them and that they are a priority for her. Also, she is testing you in a way, to see if you care or if you would be a good father figure in their life. Also this shows that she's not selfish which is good. If your kinda weirded out by it I would maybe say something in a subtle way, about how you want to know more about HER.

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  • Well, I think they should be able to talk about their kids but she doesn't have to say EVERYTHING, maybe some general info about her life and her kids and that's it. I think it is important to know on the first date if one of you have kids.

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  • Generally I don't talk about my self unless people ask me

    But there are people who like to talk about therm selves and their plans... etc
    so you should make sure about what she wants and what you want too

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  • I agree with you. It's ok to mention you have kids, but it is wrong and a red flag to keep going back that and talking over and over about them. Like you said, I want to learn about her, not her fucking kids, that aren't even hers ffs!

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  • Honestly, if I were dating a single dad and he talked about his kids, that would be more attractive to me. It shows he's a good father even while single so I would already have that box checked. Also, it shows love and loyalty to family, which is another check for me.

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  • Single parents absolutely should talk about their kids openly. I don't plan on ever having kids and I'm looking to be a stepmom. The earlier I know that someone I'm interested in has kids, the better. That way I can avoid them.

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    • Contradicting statements

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    • @smg99 I'm not going to change my mind about children. My god didn't think someone had so many thoughts about a choice that I made that affects only my life. Yes, I can choose to not date single parents. In fact, I choose who I date in general.

    • That is true lol 😂 I don’t disagree I was just trying to understand personally that’s all

  • We all tend to talk about major events in our lives. Especially while they are taking place. That is probably the biggest thing going on in her life at this time. It’s normal. If it were me, I would be excited that she can carry an a conversation. I haven’t had much luck finding one of those lately.

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  • They shouldn't AVOID the topic of their kids if the subject comes up in normal conversation. That said, the first few dates should focus more on the individuals. But DO expect that a single mom WILL have a strong focus on her kids and they WILL get discussed sooner if not later.

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  • They should talk about them freely and bring them up immediately so the guy can realize "oh wait, oops, I didn't know you had a human being come out of your pussy" and then not go out on a second date with her... or, if he has no standards and is a beta, can go right ahead and go out with her again all he wants. There's no point in hiding kids. Females who have them should be honest about them and up front.

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  • They should get it out of the way and not waste anyone's time. Weed out those who don't want to deal with children and the baggage of a single mother.

    I don't want to find out on the second date she has kids when I've already put some money into her (a date) and emotional potential. Then come to find out a deal breaker of mine shows up after all this has occurred? No. Tell me, get it out of the way. In fact, I should know before the first date.

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  • I would be little observant with a person that does that you describe.
    She avoids to get a proper rapport building, especially on the depth.
    It's a sign she tries to avoid deep feelings and connections.
    This kind of people tends to be problematic in relationships, usually very shallow relationships.
    Not worth the time if they keep on avoiding.

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  • No. It comes off as you’re looking for a father to parent your kid, and not a partner. He shouldn’t have to parent your kid.

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    • That's true, I see your point. If a woman is looking for a co-parent, big difference than looking for someone who understands the role and responsibilities of a parent. Me personally in my 20s, I wasn't there yet. Many people are ready to take that on, some aren't. I never considered the step-parent role until recently.

  • Anything that’s a big part of a woman’s life is important to hear about. But if any person attempts to monolpolize a conversation, in any subject, you may need to think if that’s the type person you are intersect in.

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  • Single moms should talk about whatever they want. Did it occur to you that they do this on purpose, to see who will run and who will stay when the word "kid" is uttered? It's a big consideration for them, and they want to find out up front where you stand.

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  • You should know that she is not doing it deliberately to make you feel bad. Women are just too connected to their children, so she is probably doing it subconsciously.
    Just be patient with her if you realy like her :)

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  • I'm guarded about my children. So, i know I would basically say I have kids and then sit back and observe you to see if you were someone I would have a problem with around my kids.

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  • She should mention that she's a single mom and just say how many kids on the first date. No more details. The rest should be revealed only if things are working pretty good.

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  • I think there needs to be a balance. I am a single Mom. Dating is a complicated and unfamilar arena. When your life is consumed with work and kids it can be hard to find things to talk about. This might sound odd, but ladies if you are a single Mom trying to date think of 10 topics of areas of discussion that are thought provoking that don't involve the kids. Use those as ways to keep the conversation going. If your date asks about you life or kids answer freely but don't linger on the subject. Its healthy for a Mom to take a mental break and carry on an adult conversation.

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  • I think that if a woman brings up her kids in a conversation she wants you to be aware of what you might be getting into. If you don’t like her talking about her kids just kindly ask her to speak only about herself so you can see if you like her and not only her kids. Women who bring up their kids want to see if you are a good fit with them or they just love them so much they want everyone to know how awesome they are. It’s kind of like when your parents tell all of their friends “ my kid got an A in AP physics he’s about to go to Europe to study abroad “ etc. ( doesent have to be that example ) but it’s a way for a woman to show that she has something she is proud of. She wants to see if you’d be a good fit to share something like “family “ with you.

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  • I think it is natural for a single mom to be absorbed in what her children are doing. My mother is single, and she has gotten used to being completely responsible for my well being.

    I think this tendency to talk about her children shows that she cares a lot about her family. She may not realize what she is doing. It may be an unconscious habit of hers.

    For example: Until very recently I slept in the same room as my mother. I did not feel safe sleeping in a room by myself. She was fine with it. When I finally moved to my own room, she said that she noticed that she was sleeping more soundly. When I was a baby, she slept next to my crib, and sometimes she would lay awake listening to me breathe, just to make sure I was doing okay. I think on a deeply unconscious level, she was and still is always reaching out to make sure I am all right.

    So I think the fact that this woman talks about her children shows how dedicated she is to them. You can make of that what you will.

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  • It should be know you have children, but they shouldn't be the subject of conversation. It's a date to learn about each other and find if you're a match. It's not an opportunity to discuss your little one's grade school class project.

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  • Single parents in general.

    Well personally I believe that while you can talk about them. It should not be the main focus or subject during the first few dates. That being said. You should disclose that you have kids to whomever your looking to date. This way it does not come as a shock to them later on.

    I myself have 2 small children. So I know some of the stress it can put on a new relationship.

    However I try not to bring them up a lot during conversation while on the first date. Unless I am asked about them.

    I do tell them person I am on a date with that I do have kids. But unless they ask me questions about them. I try to talk about other things like myself and more general topics.

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  • Gradually and very slowly. Definitely not on their first date.
    (At first I thought it said “take their kids on dates”. lmao)

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  • Yes but gradually. On the first date I want to know if she's got kids and how many, but ideally the entire date shouldn't revolve around talking about her kids.

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  • Certainly I think she should mention that she has kids and their ages and maybe at a high level what the custody arrangement is with the father (like does she have them all the time or half the time or some other amount) because I think those things could be relevant to whether you're interested in pursuing a relationship with her.

    If she talks about the kids pretty much the entire night though then I'd be concerned that she is so totally focused on her kids that she won't have any time to focus on a romantic relationship. I have dated women with kids (and am in a long term relationship with one now) and those have been fine because she was able to balance the needs of the kids and the needs of our relationship, but if she was never going to have time to spend with me because her total focus is on her kids then that's not a relationship I'd want to be in.

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  • I think the problem with parents is that, they can make their children their whole world to the exclusion of themselves. It not only disadvantages the adult (as they no longer hold any interests outside the child), but it’s at a disadvantage to the child. It doesn’t allow a child room and freedom to develop into their own little person. Develop their own likes/dislikes. Have their own experiences. We are really doing children a disservice by helicopter parenting. (which seems to be the norm today)

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  • You both should be clear or what you want or what you expect from the beginning

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  • Kids are an important thing in her life. She can let you know gradually. I for example talk about my dog because I love him and he is very important to me. Think about it like that

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  • I view this about the same way as I do peoples talking about their passion. I want a well rounded conversation. I want to get to know her. If she's one dimensional, I'll quickly lose interest.

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  • Kids are an important art of a family, if they are present. I make no secret that I'm a single mother. I would gladly date another single parent. I think kids are wonderful.

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  • Whenever they feel like it. They shouldn’t hide them at least

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  • Oooo if she does it all the time, thats a red flag. Run joey run!

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