Let’s be honest: is being single generally a choice?

There are those that say it isn’t and those that say it is.
Is being single generally a choice?
Is being single generally a choice?
  • Yes
    Vote A
  • No
    Vote B
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
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2351

Most Helpful Girls

  • Yes.
    Sometimes by accident, we put out a lot of different types of energies out Rather people are aware of it they push people away by default.

    I know I stay single because I have commitment issues and I am highly aware of it. I also just can see myself putting that much trust in another human being for that matter. I just do better by myself in most cases.

    When or if ever I decide to deal with it only then can I have a healthy somewhat normal relationship. But at this point Im fairing just fine in the single lane.

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  • Yes and No. it’s a choice at first but you also can’t control what the other person wants. I chose to be single and live my life after my last break up. Now I want a relationship with a guy who doesn’t.

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Most Helpful Guys

  • I am happily single but flexible. Flexible for the right person to come into my life. Being single is a choice until it is not! If I meet the love of my life I hope to god that I don't think for one second that I have a choice in the matter. Lover does conquer all if you believe it does. You sitting on the couch playing video games the rest of your life could be a choice too. Too each their own!

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  • Not always. Can be bad luck too since meeting someone is often completely random.

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What Girls & Guys Said

2149
  • Yes it is, when you're tired of people's shitty behavior you can choose to be single

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  • It was not my choice that my mother beat the shit out of me daily and didn’t allow me to shower or wash my clothes during my childhood.

    It was not my choice that I stank like shit at school because of how disgustingly I was raised.

    It wasn’t my choice that all the kids in school and even teachers hated me for this. I was a shy kid who was very respectful and nice I didn’t deserve the punishment I got for the way I was raised.

    It wasn’t my choice to have ZERO social skills or friends until I was an adult. I couldn’t make a friend to save my life I was terrified after the life I lived. I was bullied and attacked relentlessly. I used to fight DAILY. Luckily I had taken karate and a bit of boxing as a kid so I never got beat up and I was always naturally big strong and fast so lucky for my my genetics helped me as a kid and teenager.

    But I wasleft with nothing. My mind was broken. Girls actually did like me I came to find out. Despite being the one kid in school everyone hated, I was a cute kid. I am attractive.

    But I didn’t know. The abuse left me feeling worthless. I felt life would be nothing but pain and suffering and that’s how I lived for so long.

    Eventually I realized I could learn social skills. Recently I learned that I have extreme social anxiety and it can be cured with therapy. I’m working on it myself till I get there.

    I still have constant feelings of worthlessness and such, but I’ve come a long way. My life really fucked me ip and I always wanted someone to love me.

    I did get married that helped me. Am divorced now, I didn’t know what I was doing.

    Now I’m still single but I’m happy. I’m doing well, making friends, flirting with women, getting phone numbers and such. Life is improving.

    It’s been hell but I’m finally ready to live and to date and find a new kind of love and new experiences. But my life was not a choice and my life left me unable to get a girlfriend for most of it.

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  • No, it's a choice to not be open to someone, or to not work on yourself, or not develop dating and relationship skills.
    some people just have bad luck, bad skills, wounds that limit them. and others make the choice not to.

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  • There are people that want it and can’t get it and people that can get it and don’t want it. Not everyone is dealt the same hand in life. Single is just single and depending on who you ask that can be great, OK, or suck.

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  • Short answer, yes.

    Long answer, I genuinely believe that in most cases being single is a choice, not necessarily directly per se, but rather a person might be single as a consequence of choices that are completely within their control.

    For example lets call a guy Tim. He's a bit nerdy and slightly out of shape, dresses like a bum, does the bare minimum when it comes to grooming, and spends most of his time at home playing Xbox, but he's otherwise average in terms of looks. From time to time he gets a few "plain Jane" type of girls who are interested in him but he doesn't pay them much attention because he wants to date a girl with model good-looks. However, he's too shy and can barely even say a few words to them, let alone get one to give him her number. He constantly complains about being single when he could be dating if he made different choices: for example he could settle and give one of the plain-Janes he has more in common with a chance, or he could work on himself (clean up his style, get in shape, improve his confidence/social skills) so he'd have more in common with the model looking girls, but he refuses to date a girl that has more in common with him because he thinks that the model-type girls should accept him for the way he is (which isn't necessarily impossible but the chances are likely slim), so he's ultimately single because of his own choices.

    sometimes people are just stuck in circumstances where getting a boyfriend/girlfriend is difficult or impossible. For example, if Tim lived in a very small town in the middle of nowhere, every eligible girl his age is in a relationship or married, and he has no means of getting out or meeting someone elsewhere whatsoever then his predicament is probably much less voluntary. But even then, he can still actively make a choice to work to get himself into a position where he's able to leave his current situation for a better opportunity.

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  • Depends on the person. I have two friends who are single by choice. In their 40’s and they had one girlfriend.

    Many though are not fully single by choice.

    I’m partially single by my choice, and partly not. I COULD choose to be in a relationship that would be very unhealthy for me. But part of me is waiting to find women who would be a good fit.

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  • Yeah, you can choose to be single. Not everyone falls into that category as I know there are several people on here that would happily jump in a relationship if the right person came along.

    But for people like me that are just tired of looking or content single? Yeah, it's a choice.

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  • The stark reality is that those who are less attractive are going to throw in the towel before even trying. It's true that good looks and beauty makes the dating game a whole lot better, but not neccessarily easier. It has its downsides as well. It might be hard, as someone of poor genetic luck to find someone, but far from impossible. It only becomes impossible when you refuse to try.

    So all in all I'd say it's a choice, yes, for everyone.

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  • It varies, you have one side who are single because they are not able to get someone, either do to their own shortcomings or because of certain societal norms, then you have the side who chooses to remain single for what ever reason, be it waiting for the right one or simply wanting to be single.

    Personally, I am waiting for the right woman.

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  • For guys 99% of the time it's NO. Guys do not want to be single.
    The rare case is if the dude has to move out of town soon and doesn't want to complicate things.

    100 of women is YES. No matter what the case is women always volunteer to be single due to various reasons such as waiting for the perfect dude, etc.

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  • Yes. Of course. If you don’t want to be single, go out and do something about it.

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  • It's not always a choice because some want to be in a relationship but they can't find someone no matter how hard they try and this leaves them sad and desperate at some point.

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  • My initial reaction was to lie, but since you asked for honesty... yes

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    • What was the lie going to be about? The opposite?

  • At first I was single because I wasn't brave enough to ask someone out. Then I got used to staying single and now it's a choice because I choose not to date.

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    • But wouldn’t you prefer to be taken? It’s more along the lines of being comfortable over putting yourself out there again.

    • Well, kind of. You could say that because I've dated, I subconsciously prioritized other activities and now it's more like, I don't want to give my time to someone else unless I feel like it. So in that way, it's both, I'm in my comfort zone being single and I don't want to give it up.

    • Wait I meant to say "I've NEVER dated" in that second sentence.

  • Yes. I choose to be single because I’m not ready. I still have old feelings and it just wouldn’t be right. Doesn’t feel natural and I have no desire to be with someone.

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    • But do you think it would be difficult to seek someone when you’re ready?

    • Probably will. Knowing me ! But i guess till the time comes I’ll just go with the flow till i can’t anymore. X)

  • I am by choice. Just not ready to commit to one person again

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    • If that is actually you in your profile picture, you are hot as hell. Just saying.

    • Thanks hun 😊

  • For some it is. For some it's not. It all depends on their ability and desire to connect with someone else.
    Love is about GIVING, not what you GET. And some people just never quite get THERE.

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  • Some choices to be single, and some are single because they rather be alone then with the wrong person, but some are single just because they are hard to like or are in some situation where it's hard to find love.

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  • I think it can be, but usually if you hear someone say they are single by choice, that's not true... because people who are, tend to have valid reasons, the others usually use it as an excuse

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  • I chose to be single for a while... now I just find myself lonely at times. I just wish I had someone to share things with. I’ll keep hoping 😊

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  • People who think it isn't a choice do so because they make the wrong choices.

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  • Depends, for me it is, because I didn't found my soul mate, but a few months ago it wasn't because i was having hopes for the wrong person.

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  • It can be. I have ignored every pass a man has made at me cause I'm just not interested.
    On the other hand, if ur ugly and can't dress and have no people skills then ur toast.

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  • I am single by choice. Can’t speak for others though.

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  • I would say yes and no. Some people choose to be single, some not. I didn’t choose to be single.

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  • Depends on the person. No one and I mean NO ONE can really ever tell anyone that it wasn't their choice. To assume that of someone would mean that you live their life by osmosis and that's just a ridiculous thought.

    I do believe that there are those who delude themselves into thinking it their choice, but again I'm no one in particular to call that out on someone else. I'm not them. I don't live their life. I can only speak for myself when I say that it's possible to fool yourself into believing this because at one point (before I became more mentally competent) I was this person. Now I know it's my choice and it always was.

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  • Depends on the person. Some people hate being single but they do very little to change the situation.

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  • Yes it was for me. I had a few that wanted to get something started. But I don't go for promiscuity and therefor past them up.

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  • Many people can settle for someone in an instant and be unhappy yet in a relationship so it’s a choice

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  • Not for some people. Some people want a relationship but are unattractive and undesirable and can't find anyone

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  • Kinda? Some people stay single because they are unable to find a partner, and others just choose to stay single because they prefer being alone.

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  • It can be. I purposefully don't go to clubs and bars because I can't sustain a relationship now. So I guess it's my choice for now.

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  • I wouldn't say it is for everybody. But speaking for myself, yes being single is generally a choice.

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  • It is a choice, just like it's a choice to be with a girl/boy.

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  • It can be a choice but that's not how it goes most of the time.

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  • Depends on your gender... in general , for a woman , obviously nearly always by choice , there are considerably more available males than females , and it is much harder for the average man to win over the average woman , than vice versa , even really repellent women have options. For me , by choice , I am a single dad , working FT , so simply cannot be bothered , and dating to me = yet more work / time lost and potential expense , and after the marriage I ended , never ever want to endure another relationship again ! Also , being real here , no woman wants a single dad anyway , and don't blame them either , there are vast numbers of available men without my baggage.

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  • No, its difficult to get a girlfriend in my experience.

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  • Depends on the individual. You can't claim a general statement holds for something like that.

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  • Not for me, wish it was but sadly I don't have a choice.

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  • You have to put the effort in, like anything but that is how you get what you want ...

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  • I did not want, need, cared, or wanted to he single. I was forced when my wife passed away

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  • Depends on the person. MGTOW are all single by choice but no incels are single by choice.

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  • Well, I'm single, I choose to be because I don't want a relationship.

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  • For Some, hun. xx

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  • Sometimes

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  • It can be if that's what the person wants

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  • Not for everyone

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  • Yes.
    No one can force someone to date you.

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  • For girls, absolutely. For guys, of course not.

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  • It is definitely a choice for women.

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