What stage am I in or am I even in?

OK...I am clueless when it comes to this...Here is the frequency of communication with a female colleague (we work for the same company but not the same boss):

1. We email each other every day (both professional content and personal content)

2. We talk on the phone pretty much every other day and each phone conversation is around 30min to 1 hour always early evenings and one time at 9:30pm

3. We have both showed interest in one another..

4. We have met up for lunch 3 times

So the question is..What is this and what do I do next?

Thank you all for the responses: Question though, she does not work in my building and she does not drink..Suggestions?


Most Helpful Girl

  • First off- careful of the lunch dates. That is a fast track to the friend zone as far as office romances go. If you work in the same building, ask if she would like to come to happy hour at a local pub etc after work one day. This is a more direct date then grabbing lunch, but still less pressure then going for dinner. Use this opportunity to gauge her feelings. Is she flirting with you or complaining about the annoying habits of Joe in the copier room AGAIN?

    Make it a rule on this casual "drinks after work" date NOT to talk about work. You don't want to fall into the role of her office confidant


Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 2

  • If you work together it can be tricky. Lots of companies have rules about employees dating. The next step I think would be to go out for drinks and see how things go from there. Try casual physical contact, a hand on her shoulder or something, and see how she reacts. Obviously do this outside the workplace! Good luck!

    • answer to your update: not drinking is trickier. Ask her to a pub quiz or something? I know that can involve alcohol, but I go to them and I don't drink. Something like that would have lots of other people around, so it's more casual and less awkward than a straight-up dinner date, and you get to tell her that you "need" her for her mind! What's sexier than that?

  • This is a friendship with potential for more. Someone needs to make a move for a kiss, then it is more...KISS HER!


What Guys Said 1

  • I am impressed. kandy_canelane and spicyavacados's answers are AWESOME and you should do exactly what they say. Combine both answers, and DO IT.

    Read kandy's answer daily until you internalize it, as far as the "fast track to the friend zone" is concerned.

    Finally, forget about stages. You aren't part of the concert yet. Lunch, interest means nothing... You will know whether the is real interest, or a "stage" once you go for drinks, and start physically flirting with her. Since it will be awkward because of going from ZERO physically contact for perhaps months to having SOME contact, you'll want to get her to drink a little. If possible make sure she is not driving, or that she knows that you will drive her home, get her a cab, or that you plan to go out for at least 2 hours so that she can get some drinks in early and sober up to drive later.

    A good way to plan this is to let her know (once you are actually at a pub) that you're gonna drink, get a bite... and THEN go play pool or go to an entertainment place (with alcohol) so that she won't be afraid of being bored to death sitting with you for 2 hours... and yet, she will be willing to drink a bit since she'll know she can drive after she's sobered up.

    You'll want to get physical early enough. Start with light touching, like putting your arm over her shoulder dragging her to the bar, then LET HER GO. Think in terms of two steps forward, one step back. Except you start with only 1 step forward at first haha... then you stop. Then next time you touch her, maybe you high-five her or pinkie-swear something with her. If she plays with her hair, locks your eyes, tilts her head sideway, these are excellent signs. The only bad signs are if you see her muscles tense up when you touch her.

    Move forward. Always forward. You got nothing to lose. At worst, you'll be a bit awkward at work for a week, then you will move on by hitting on some new girl outside of work.

    At some point, you can increase the time holding her and touching her. At some point, lock eyes, look at her right eye... then her left eye... then her lip, then move in for a kiss. You'll know she doesn't want it during the eye-looking part and before you try to kiss her, if she is not interested. So it won't be weird if she doesn't want it. Do this within an hour of meeting her at a pub. Not too late (ie. a good night kiss is too late), and not too early (ie. 15 minutes into entering the tavern, without her getting tipsy and getting comfortable with your light touching and flirting first).

    Good luck!

    Send me a private message if you try this and let me know how it went.

    • And I just thought... when you invite her for this do NOT use the word "date" or admit interest in any way. Just make it sound like you wanna have some fun after work, and "do you wanna come and join me? come on, it'll be fun". Do not do NOT use vocabulary and grammar to let her know of your interest!