Dating a guy who now says "he wants to hold off, so no none gets hurt."

I'm 25 and I've been dating this 31 year guy for almost 2 months now..

when we started dating he was working all week and weekends (because he works for a pro football team, his weekends were taken up)

I knew all of this and it didn't bother me because I was busy as well. we spent Christmas together. I was seeing him at least 2 times a week..

He text/calls/facebook me everyday even when he is busy. he says he is extremely attracted to me, likes me a lot, the sex is fab.. we have a great time together but he always is so tired and does have legitimate family drama going on right now because he lives with his mother whom is an bad alcoholic..

OK with all of this being said.. I'm not the type of girl to be played or put up with not being treated equally. Last weekend we were suppose to go out on Fri night and he ended up getting stuck at his friends dads house with no car until 1am. I didn't hear from him until Monday afternoon.. he text me and says: "hello beautiful, happy Monday.. how was your weekend?"

and of course, I feel like a piece of meat and I reply "My weekend was good, how was yours?" and I sent him another text saying

"I'm really glad I decided to go out with a guy this weekend who wanted to spend the day with me and isn't so dense"

He replies to me saying: " I'm sorry, but you probably had more fun without me and the fools, right?"

my reply was this " I'm curious, why are you texting me? when you clearly lose my number on the weekends.. You know I like you a lot but I'm not going to let you be an asshole to me".

he replied with: "I might be a dense, but I do care for you and your feelings. I don't want to be that guy you described above. my life choices shouldn't make you feel neglected because I'm not 100% happy with my situation in life right now and I don't mean to be flighty. Maybe we should hold off so no one gets hurt, my last 2 relationships hurt me a lot and I don't want to pass that hurt to you"

I replied to him (being hurt) "I don't have time for immature bullsh*t, call me when your happy"

He has continued to text me and message me on Facebook every time I sign on.

How would you take this? I'm curious as to what others think.. I've never had a guy say or do anything remotely like this to me.. so I'm a little confused.

Do you think he truly has too much going on right now or what?


Most Helpful Guy

  • People find time to do the things they really want to do. His behavior can be based on a number of actions I can't pinpoint which one at this moment but this is what I'm getting based on your post. He may just want sex but at the same time doesn't want you going out with other guys(some men can be territorial) that's why he'll communicate with you like you're in a relationship with him but he doesn't actually want one. His agenda may have changed early on he wanted a relationship but now he doesn't but he still wants the sex which is similar to my first point. Also you mentioned he has some serious personal issues going on and that could keep him from committing but if that's the case do you really want to deal with somebody like that.


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • If you really like this guy you should definitly tell him that he can't push you away and If you can handle him being away then you should tell him that. If he is really worth it you should tell him that you won't be hurt if he gives it a chance and see where it goes.


What Girls Said 1

  • First, he should have apologized for bailing on you that Friday instead of just acting like nothing happened.
    I think he is genuinely dealing with a lot especially if he is dealing with an alcoholic mother whom he lives with.
    I myself have been there...when I didn't have my own life in order, I kind of felt like I didn't want to be with anyone or be too serious until I got that sh*t taken of. Yet, @ the same time, I do want someone there with me while I'm going through the sh*t (so, I think he's reaching out to you when he texts you and messages you on FB)...however, he is doing so when it's convenient for him as I've done (which isn't cool).
    I think you two want/need different things. If you care a/b him, of course you want to be there for him when he is going through a lot but you also don't want to be taken advantage of or taken for granted.
    I think him telling you he doesn't want to pass that hurt onto you is a legitimate warning and you should listen to it. He is telling you he hasn't dealt with his past fully and doesn't want to f*** things up because he's got other stuff to deal with. And, being in a new relationship may be too much for him, right now.

    I think the most honorable thing to do right now is to let him know you'll be there for him because you care (if you sincerely do, haha) but like you said, not let him be an asshole to you and thus, may have to move on.