Do you have the "right" to know about your partner's past?

Do you have the
  • Yes
    Vote A
  • No
    Vote B
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3d
Does that include traumatic events if it makes them uncomfortable?
2d
I Didn't expect so many answers! Thanks guys!

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What Girls & Guys Said

3746
  • If it impacts the relationship at all. Or if there were kids or STDs. Otherwise, I dont really want to know.

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    • 2d

      You don't wanna know about your partners past? Woah... I wonder what being in a relationship with you would be like 0. o

    • Show All
    • 2d

      You're a stubborn one arne't ya :P reminds me of myself.

    • 2d

      Very. 😊

  • yes especially if my life depends on it...

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  • Some things, yes, but not all. Depends what it is.

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  • If I'm making a commitment to him, and he expects to know about my past, you damn right I have a right to know his: background, if he has a criminal record, how many partners he's been with, and anything else relevant.

    If someone is uncomfortable telling you about their past, it makes you think they're hiding something or not being honest with you... which isn't the type of relationship I'd want to be in.

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  • EVERYTHING. If you're going to share a life with them, you have to know. Otherwise, your being used. I have no problem telling a person I trust everything about me. If they cannot expect that, then that means I am not compatible with that person. I rather know it all before even thinking about wanting to be with that person. I rather know what I am getting into. Lying by omission is an automatic dealbreaker, especially if I find out the whole truth from somebody else. Don't date liars.

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  • A right no, but I'd expect the honesty in aspects that might effect me or my children. And no, I'm not I'm not looking for a relationship, but I'd make sure I have the time get to know a person and what I need too before I open that door; And this is why I'd say build on a friendship, let them unwrap, learn, and listen... because the truth has a habit of coming out for better or worse, sometimes you've got to know how to listen and look for it - and that's something I learned the hard way.

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    • 3d

      In regards to your recent add no, or they can tell you what they feel comfortable with, for example, 'I've had a bad experience I'd rather not talk about it'. In my case I can't hide it. But it doesn't mean that because you'll know one aspect of it, you'll know all of it, (Or all of it until I'm ready, if I'm ready).

  • Not all of it, no, but I think I should know the important stuff in their past that impacts my partner today and their future. Because then it impacts the relationship, and myself. And I have a right to know how that came about so I can understand my partner better. As well as any situation that is present or bound to come.

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  • You have the right to know some things like if have a criminal background or anything that could negatively impact your life. I don't believe you have a right to their sexual or romantic past. And I don't believe you have the right to know something traumatic. All those things will come when your partner feels they can trust you enough with those personal things.

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  • Simply put, the answer is yes. If not, I have the right to terminate the relationship. I need to know EVERYTHING before I will let a guy into my life and my body.

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  • Only if you believe that if you don't, you are in serious and legitimate danger. Otherwise, mind your own business! They'll tell you on their own eventually (if you're a good person) and even if they don't, does it matter? No! Just appreciate them for who they are now without their past! You don't have to know everything.

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  • Not unless you suspect they could be an abuser or murderer. Otherwise it's none of your business and you shouldn't have to know unless they want to tell you, for example my boyfriend doesn't have a dad but he never talks about him so I never ask. My dad left when I was little and I don't like talking about him.

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  • It would depend, sexual past yes but childhood past then that is up to your partner to open. Up to you, I had a very horrible childhood and hardly ever talk about it even friends of 5 and 6 years dont even know about but only because I want to forget about it all

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  • I feel like having the "right" doesn't seem appropriate but I would hope that my partner would want to share their past with me. If there's going to be something that's likely to affect me/us or play into our relationship then yeah, I'd like to know.

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  • My partner will never know everything about me. Some things are better left unsaid.

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    • 3d

      So it would be ok for him to withhold him being a murderer, a rapist, a child molester and any other things you care to name.

    • 3d

      some things are better left unsaid... well said 😀

  • I think it's not about "rights," it's about trust and intimacy. It has to be earned and develop over time, but if you never disclose your past, you limit intimacy and it's sad if you do this for no reason since this is your intimate partner.
    disclaimer: I'm not talking about information that could put a person's spouse at risk such as an STI or illness or violence or addiction.

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  • I don't see it as a right, but I see that if one asks the other should have no problem talking about his/her past, it helps to know each other and build trust

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  • It is not a right but a piece of our "new relationship starter pack" ... and you better not lie.
    Past behavior is the best indication of future behavior. Don't buy the "I changed" or the "I am not the same person anymore" bullshit.
    If you want to know a person value look at what they did not at what they are saying.

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  • No, you do not have "a right" to know anything more than what your partner chooses to disclose. You have the right to end the relation if what they share is not enough for you but you don't have the right to try to violate their privacy by other means or to constantly manipulate and push them to disclose more.

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  • Knowing someone’s past, even that of your partner, is not a right, it’s a privilege. Only your partner can decide when they’re gonna talk about their past, and inquiring without them being ready might only get you lies, which will gnaw away at the trust in your relationship.

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  • yes, but only if it would possibly affect the relationship in anyway. if it won’t affect it and they’re not comfortable about it, than i don’t see a reason for me to force it out of them

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  • There is no 'Right". However things that could affect your relationship my need to be reveled. However and a big however, their ar things that shoul be buried and remain buriuied. Some things can not be knowned by others and never should.

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  • I believe if it’s a serious relationship, and you’re actually in it for the long term then yes. Definitely.

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  • I have a boyfriend, I know he lost his sibling, he’s only child, he has a daughter, his father died. I didn’t ask him about his sibling & father. We still learning about each other. He knows I have Cerebral Pasly, Aspergers, Psoriasis & Dyslexia.

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  • Yes people need to know about each other past..
    Weather it is bad or good or whatever they went through

    If they dont tell u about their past then I bleirve they might be hiding something

    But it can also help to tell about the past because then u can see what u need to work on

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  • Of course! You try to ask her, if she really doesn't feel like it and it's uncomfortable, don't talk about it.
    You're team since your still friends and time heals all wounds so just try and maybe it is not much of a pain for her or just a little or it is not painful anymore or she forgot these traumatic events.
    There are times the heavy feelings gets light or no more and she needs a crying shoulder to lean on.

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  • Not all of it. As far as Trauma is concerned if I think you "need" to know it I will tell you. Everything else is shared on my schedule and if you try to force it, you're smart enough to find the door.

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  • I find this to be a yes and no situation. You don't necessarily have the right to know but if you have chosen to spend even a part of your life with someone in an intimate I feel that they should get the privilege of knowing. I feel that they deserve it, and if they don't then you shouldn't be with them

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  • They dont have to tell you about the past and it would benefit for them to open up later down the line. Being open is brutal and they may not be honest with themselves.

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  • Yes for things that will/could affect them or your future family together. So that does include sexual past/reasons/types of partners/if they are in contact with any of them.

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  • Yes. I think it's necessary when getting into a relationship.

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  • Not if you will judge them or act like an asshole and hold it over their head.
    You have a right if you want to know the person you love/your partner, but for that to happen you have to have the mentality to accept things, and to also have honest and open conversations and agree about the past together (i. e find a common lense in which you both conclude about their past).

    The person telling you about their past needs to also be able to express and communicate their reflections about their own past. Otherwise, it's useless facts. What matters is what the person learned, and thinks about their past. That's what makes you feel closer to them

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  • A criminal past yes as I'd want to know if the guy I'm dating has ever been in trouble with the law but I don't think dating history is required.

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  • Only things that might effect me. ... Namely children, past marriages, STDs, extreme debts, if he messed with the wrong people.

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  • Yes, you need to know. He or she can then place their cards on the table. You can then stay or leave.

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  • I want to know if she's ever been with a Darren. Gotta' watch out for those ambiguous mutha flippers.

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  • I wouldn't call that a "right", but a possibility. The right goes to him/her to let me know about his or her past.

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    • 3d

      Honestly I think traumatic events should be shared because they affect your present behavior and your relationship

  • If it could impact the future or someone else then yes.

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  • You don't have the right to know, but you do have the right to terminate the relationship if you consider the information important and your partner refuses to volunteer it.

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  • If you’re considering spending your future with them, you deserve to know what formed the person they are today.

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  • No, you do not. If your partner wanted you to know he/she would tell you. Sometimes it just takes time.

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  • I don't think so at all. I prefer to not know, because whenever I learn something about my girl's ex, it always makes me respect her less.

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  • You can set the terms of the partnership so if that's what you wish then yes.

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  • No, I don't think you have the right. If your partner doesn't want to give all the information you want, you must accept it.

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  • No, because you have the "right" not to talk about your past. But you also have the right to walk away from a relationship with a person who doesn't want to reveal their past.

    But that's a weird question. How healthy a relationship can be if you go "Hey, I have the right to know your past, so now tell me all about it!". Also if one is not willing to be open about their past, it's not healthy either because there is lack of trust.

    In a healthy relationship both needs to feel comfortable and trust so they can naturally be open about their past without the need to pressure the other to tell you because in your opinion you have "the right to know".

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  • Yes. My future depends on it. I need to know who this person entering my life especially intimate life.

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  • Yes and no. You don't have a legal right but if they don't tell then you probably should probably ditch

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  • You should know the kind of life your partner leads and the kind of family life his/her parents gave him while he/she was growing up.

    You don't heve to tell each other your whole history at once. But ot should be one of the main doscussion topics. Because how else will you know how to give them pleasure if you don't know eho they are and how life shaped them.

    It's important not to judge. But still know, that these discussions will be, to an extent, the deciding factors wether you two are a match. You should look for as many similarities as possible.

    And don't be afraid to share. Everyone likes to think that they are some kind of main character of their movie and that no one understands them. But once you spill it, you will see for yourself how there's nothing special to hide from people in there.

    The only thing you don't need to know about your partner's past is their past relationships. Telling each other about this does more harm than good.

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  • You have a right... this information is very important for whoever is dating them

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  • no, but i have a left to know my partner's pass... and a permit

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  • You don't have a 'right' to anything.

    Don't kiss and tell. EVER.

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