Who, oh who to choose?

I dated X for two years, until I moved abroad for a year, which broke both of our hearts. When I came back, X was embittered by the fact that I had casually dated while abroad, though X and I had broken up. I was still very much in love with X, and he with me, and so we started sleeping together and acting like we were in a relationship, although I was more a dirty mistress than anything else. This went on for over a year, with him stringing me along, manipulating me, and being somewhat emotionally abusive. But when it was good... It was veeeery good, and we loved one another completely. Truth be told, X is a very gentle soul, and his manipulation stemmed entirely from his unresolved anger at what he saw as my "betrayal".

A few months ago, about a month after X told me that he wanted to get back together and then changed his mind the next goddamned day, I met Y, who is intelligent, veeeery good looking, extraordinarily talented, is sweet and would never hold anything over me. We share all of the same values, and get along great, but I can't stop thinking about X. I like Y, and I know that Y is good for me, whereas X is poison, but X was my first love, and, although I know he doesn't want me back now that I'm with Y... I can't help but hope that X and I will have a future together (he once asked me to marry him!). I just need some objective commentary on the situation, as it has become far too convoluted for me to figure out at this point. Thank you so much!


Most Helpful Guy

  • Those are very interesting names. Is your name Z? :)

    I would go with the non-toxic relationship. Yes you love Mr. X but just because he was your first love doesn't mean you're bound to him forever. Give Mr. Y some more time and then make your decision.

    • You're probably right.. I'm not giving it enough time! Thank you!

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What Guys Said 1

  • I would recommend leaving X alone. He's not ready for commitment. And if he is, he's not ready for it with you. Moving on from him would be the best thing for BOTH of you. See where things go with Y, and if they don't work out, BE SINGLE. Don't go back to X. You need to do the right thing by X and remove yourself from his life, at least for a while (if not indefinitely).

    • It won't be easy, but you're right that it would be best to remove myself from X's life. Love gets so meddled with reason... So complicated!

    • Complicated is life. As I say "There are easy decisions, there are hard decisions, but there are no simple decisions." Everything is always vastly more complex than we could ever understand, we just try to make the best with the scraps of information we are given. The scraps of information you have, the scraps you have given us here, say that things with X carry too much history (read drama and emotional baggage). To me, a fresh start is what you need, and Y offers that.

What Girls Said 1

  • Okay, well X doesn't really seem like a bad guy, neither does why,

    so we don't need to eliminate any of them...

    you LOVE x

    u LIKE y

    do you see yourself with Y for a long time? rest of your life?

    are you ready to LET GO OF YOUR GOOD PAST WITH X?

    well just answer those questions and you'll know what to do,

    if you love him... stay with him...

    if you lost feelings for him and are trying to convince yourself you still do love him.. that's a dif story.

    but honestly... its up to u, do what your heart tells u...

    but I don't understand how your confused on choosing between someone you love and like.

    and by the fact that your having seconds thoughts about him, and liking another guy shows you don't love him... so maybe if you figure out if you do or dont, which kind of seems like you just love the past, and memories not him... but when you figure it out ull know.

    dont lie to yourself, if you don't love him move on. are you ready to move on?