We never got close back then. He respected me in that matter and he didn't want me to infatuate on him because of sex, so he never touched me. I knew that he had the desire, but he was a gentleman.
During all those years we have met several times and on different occasions, kept a light communication, lost touch but got back in touch again, he always shows interest in what I am doing and how my life is going when we meet randomly.
We've been out many times, more than I can count really, and with time we became more intimate, like he always kisses me on the lips when we meet and by now we also had sex, but only twice. (That's to make clear that not every date ends up in bed. So I know for a fact that he's not trying to use me for sex)
I can't say we're JUST friends, I can see the spark in his eyes when he looks at me. I know he's sexually attracted to me, he doesn't hide that.
But the strange thing is, although I've known him for half my life, it never gets easier when it comes to going out together. Always the same heart beating, the same anxiety, as if we're meeting for the first time...
I don't know know to describe it... and the funny thing is that he seems to be anxious too...
Why doesn't it get easier?
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heart beating fast, having anxiety, feeling like a teenager means YOU ARE REALLY INTO HIM. It can also mean that YOU BOTH DON'T HAVE CLARITY on what kind of relationship this is...
So the anxiety will come down a little once you two have a chat about what you guys want and where you are going!