Why are guys like this?

why is it guys never want to be friends with a girl?it seems when I meet guys or even guys that i,ve known for many years they always wanna date or end up hitting on me.i don't flirt with them,i don't dress sexy and I don't do anything that would lead them on.when I try to be friends with guys they get angry because I don't wanna date,then of course they dissappear like cowards! I don't see why they can't still be friends with you and just date all the other beautiful women in the world! I think lack of maturity definately plays a part.any thoughts? or suggestions on how I can change this?


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What Guys Said 2

  • This is going to SOUND a bit more sexist than it's actually intended to sound, but I'm trying to be truthful here, so bare with me.

    Guys.just don't associate with women for all of the same reasons for which women associate with men.

    Women often keep guy friends around because they're usually far more laid back than females and are prone to causing less drama. They're essentially just like female friends but with less hassle, with the exception of the issue that you just mentioned.

    It's an issue because many guys see every girl that he associates with as a potential opportunity. Even the one's that he's not particularly interested in are essentially idle dating options. They are women with which he frequently associates, and thus has numerous opportunities to flirt in hopes of initiating far more than association.

    This is not to say that guys don't have a select few close female friends whom they wouldn't consider dating. But when you've only known a guy for a short period of time, you're less of a friend and more of a pursuit.

    Even when guys have been friends with a girl for a very long time, they can find themselves very attracted to her very easily.

    Here's why:

    While women separate guys into friend and boyfriend material based on their heart's attraction and interaction, guys approach the process a bit more logically.

    Guys figure that if they've known her a for a while, enjoy hanging out with her, know about her background, and know all of her weird and unattractive traits, but can still stand being around her, then she may be a stable relationship choice.

    The problem that this form of process presents for women is as you stated. Girls are usually looking for just friends. You look at a chill guy and see a friend. A guy looks at a chill girl and sees potential.

    So you don't have to dress sexy or flirt with a guy for him to fall for you. When a guy really falls for a girl, they don't fall for the outward front that most girls put on when they want to attract a guy. They fall for who she really is as they could only see her upon befriending her. They find themselves utterly intrigued with all the qualities of this girl to which they've become so close. This, however, is only distance in the sense of a friendship that they've built. But in most cases, if they'd approached the relationship initially as anything more than a friendship, it would have ended there, and they never would have gotten to know this girl.

    Basically, men like to get close enough to a girl to know she's not crazy prior to dating her. So you know you're not crazy because you have a lot of guy friends that still want to date you.

    My best advice is to make it known from the start that you don't become involved with ANY guy friends. That, and learn to cope better. Know that just because a guy hangs with you, doesn't mean he even considers himself a friend.

    I can elaborate more for you, but I'm currently out of character space on this post

    • Well how could I could more of an opinion from you?

  • Well, I think it just boils down to how you look, and your personality. Essentially, who you are. Unless you manage to completely alter how you think, act, and look, guys are going to find you very attractive and want to date you.

    As for finding friends, you've just got to keep looking. Eventually we all find someone who doesn't cross that boundary of friends to lovers.

    • Well basically, when interacting with a guy friend, you'll need to verbally make it apparent that you're just friends, often if need be. You'll need to make it obvious that you're not looking for anything from them other than friendship.

      Say things like "You know, a lot of guys just pretend to be my friend so they can get in my pants. I 'm glad you're not like that. I'm glad we can be real friends."

      You may find that a few friends withdraw from you. You've successfully weeded out the straglers

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