I am 30 he is 21, is there anyway it can work?

I met a guy 4 months ago. I knew his friends were 26-27 years old and assumed he was the same age. We began seeing each other and got on very well. He has a caring, gentle nature, a great sense of humour and is very loyal to his friends and family. He possessed many qualities I admire and it was an added bonus that he was attractive as well. His friend told me one night that he was 21 after 2 months of seeing him. I felt sad because I believed it couldn't really go anywhere. I told him this, he felt differently and said it was not an issue for him and that I would be ending something out of fear. We have continued doing so and the time we have spent together has made me feel very happy. To say I have been confused would be a massive understatement. It is disappointing to meet someone who has a good heart and I know how unbelievable this will sound given the age gap but someone you are compatible with in terms of values etc, only to have this overshadowing sense of opinion that it will go nowhere. On some level I am embarassed that I got myself into this situation, I would say I'm pretty traditional in my approach to dating. I know what my advice would have been if a friend came to me in the same situation because it would have been based on general logic. Life experience is humbling!

I have never had a great life plan especially regarding marriage and children because I believe life is too unpredictable and too many factors can affect this. I love travelling and wanted to do as much as possible before I made any serious committment to anyone. However I have in my head I would like to have children around 35-36. My greatest fear is that a relationship with me might mean he misses out on things and I would hate that one day he might resent me for it. I know it is VERY early days but would like to avoid getting hurt or in turn ending something that just might, go against the odds and work? (I know...I know...)


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What Guys Said 1

  • Everyone's different as I'm sure you know. I've read that most psychologists agree now that the average person isn't really grown up mentally until 26. You say he's got his sh*t together though and he does sound really solid. Unfortunately, no one is going to be able to tell you for sure, not even him. And I'm sure you know that people in their 30s, 40s, and 50s change all the time too.

    My dad was 27 and my mom was 19 when they married. My dad had never had a girlfriend before (nerdy type) and my mom never really had a serious relationship before. A week ago they celebrated their 37th anniversary.

    • Your parents are a Great example that its not really age the issue. They were in the same boat ! Love happy endings

What Girls Said 1

  • I got you girl.i think you Should try to be with him a coiple months and see how it goes it could work, he might be young but mature enough to settle and you still have 4 years to have the kids in your plan, you can always have them later anyway... give him a chance