Why date me if he's not ready?

Met a guy 3 and half months ago, dated for 2, I thought things were going great so I asked him how he thought things were going (Can't assume). He says he thinks I'm great and doesn't want me to feel confused and would I like to chat about it over a drink. We do, he says he enjoys my company, bedroom department is great, really fancies me and respects and cares about me but yet he doesn't want to carry anything on! Says he's not ready (But yet dated me anyway) says he doesn't want to lose me (Over watery eyes) and wants to stay friends with me, take me out for my birthday and help me move in may. I don't understand why I'm suddenly someone he doesn't want to date anymore or what I did wrong. Why date me if he's not ready, I just don't understand, Does anyone else?! Thanks ~X~X~X~


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  • Well, your problem here is you put the cart before the horse. Never add sex to the mix until AFTER the guy tells you he wants a relationship. If you keep sex out of the mix, it forces both of you to really focus on the emotional connection or lack thereof. That is what is missing here. This guy has a lot of good things to say about you, kind of like admiring a nice piece of art, but he has no emotional ties to you. For a guy, that can still be perfectly enjoyable for a period of time, maybe even a long one. But, here you are, hopeful that things have progressed, only to find out nothing is really there.

    So, he dated you because he was ready... to date you and have sex with you and enjoy your company, but he never developed the emotional attachment that would lead to a relationship and love. Next time, take it slower, focus on emotions, have the talk, then move on to the rest. Good luck!

    • Thank you. I think you could be right. I said I'd stay friends with him but no idea if anything will ever stem from it. I wish I had waited longer. Doesn't make sense why he would be so upset when telling me he wasn't ready (Shakey voice and teary eyes). He said if there wasn't anything in the future between us then he said he wouldn't be saying no but can't really live my life clinging onto little hope. I suppose I'm going to have to learn from my error and move on :o( Thanks again ~X~

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    • Oh, and to clarify, waiting gives you the opportunity to see if this will be a relationship or not. I don't see it as changing the outcome. So, in this case, I would have expected it to fizzle out after a while because two people who are not having and not connecting emotionally will stop dating. Dating with your eyes open and not becoming attached to the hope that it will turn into a relationship allows you the time to really see what is going on.

    • Oh, and I meant "because two people who are not having sex and..."