How do men decide who to contact for online dating?

What criteria do men use to decide which ladies to wink at or email on online dating sites? Are most men winking/emailing at tons of women?


Most Helpful Guy

  • 1) It can't sound like SPAM. You take a look at Craigslist, and a lot of them say the same thing, not even generalities but specific stuff.

    "I am __________________(description)

    I am told I have a nice body. What do you think?"

    "I am kinda shy at first until you get to know me. "

    "I have curves in all the right places, and a body that'll make you melt."

    A lot of the time, they'll post a picture, say, of a blond woman, and she's describing herself as having dark brown hair.

    It's not the least bit consistent with the picture, which makes it sound like Spam.

    2) For me, you have to have a nice picture.

    Personally, posing nearly nude with your legs open or a tiny mini skirt or where you're squeezing your breasts together. (you know, the "overly sexual poses") will just turn me off, because I'm looking for a relationship with a woman of faith and and some modesty. But some guys would probably go right for that "slutty" look. I would just suggest if you don't want creeps, you can minimize the amount by keeping the photo classy. And yes, you can still be a bit sexy in the photo, but in a classy way.

    If you're heavy, don't be showing off lots of skin and wearing clothes three sizes too small.

    3) The description has to sound nice; it has to be something I can respond to or ask questions about. Something that creates a good icebreaker is ideal.

    4) I like a woman that can mention a strong christian faith.

    5) And if you sound angry or non communicative, then that will be a problem.

    I had what seemed like a cool girl. I contacted her, and she wrote back a few days later. I responded, then it was two weeks later and a really quick answer. She didn't ask anything about me, she didn't seem to want to talk. She seemed alright, but it just wasn't working. It was hard getting her to answer back. I wish her the best, but I was a tad bit confused as to what she wanted because it seemed like pulling teeth to get her to write more than a sentence.

    I've seen ads where the women go on and on about how they've been hurt, and how practically all men are pigs, liars and cheaters. etc. Eeeew.

    6) Good punctuation is important.

    If you rite wif a bunch of badli spelld wirds an can't capitolize and you run you're sentances togethar or have no punxtuashun o/ rite in text speek to much an you run all you sentences togeder and bring up tooooooo moch words in a senetense it cann get reely diztrakting I get soo turnd of lolez because I wants a woman who cann speak an' speeeeel widout sounding like she's riting caturday diskripshuns tho I dunt meen too sound lie a jerk I'm sorri if ofendz any1 because por spellers are peeplez to my sistor iz a por spellar an I think ur lovly oderwize and I m nott triing to mak fon of ani1 wif bad edukashun or wif lurnding disabababability'z or mabe even disleczia or any1 hoo doesn't speek eng as a furst lengwaje but I tot can't hav a dating relashunship wif you tho mabez wee can b frends an I luvs you forever thenk u.

    I hope this helps.

    • A HUGE HUGE part of those ads are spam, I go through CL in other cities simply when I am bored and I see the exact same ads with different pics attached to them, as far a s bad spelling I don't know, seems I have found and yes I know its a generalization but girls have long unrealistic lists and requirements and they want someone educated and they don't even sound it them self I sure don't get it, as far as the unrealistic expectations- I don't know, overly picky? perhaps I really don't get

    • I enjoyed reading this. I even laughed at the end. Good points!!

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 7

  • If a woman mentions how much money she wants or puts guys down at all in her profile no wink. If she is putting down total jerks its ok. If she has a sence of humor is fun loving and has a romantic side I will wink. A good quality to look for in women is to see the friendship side of her love. We can all fall in love. But if she is a good friend to it will last and last. How does she treat her friends when they are down. if she is sympathetic to her friends when they are having tough times then this girl is a great person.

  • My personal experiences are a little different than those here. It appears women will sign up for the free memberships to these sites. Which means they can "wink" all they want, but cannot send emails. In some cases, women do pay for the full packages, and can send emails. But are too lazy to respond when men wink.

    frankly I think women behave the same way online as they do in person. They expect men to make all the first moves, she checks her emails once a month "to see what the net dragged in"

    and chooses 1 guy in 30.

    so yea. Men will send out a lotta "winks" in the hopes that Someone will even respond!

    as for criteria. Some guys just look at the pictures and wink the cute ones. I myself both read the profiles as well as the pics. and I have noticed a disturbing trend. Women put a lot into what they are looking for and expect in a guy, but the profile was MEANT to talk about yourself!

    its just bad manners to "list your demands" to complete strangers, and expect the lucky guy you respond to put up with the "bitchiness"

    a few highlights:

    don't state that your kids are number one in your life, that's already obvious! Men are looking for female companionship, not to be instant dads, talk about YOU, not your kids.

    don't make a big deal about how well you have traveled, or how many countries you have visited, you sound high-maintenance" and expect the guy to deliver free vacations on his dime.

    when you post a pic.SMILE, have you seen some of the ladies on theses websites? They look constipated!

  • it depends on the freedom that he has from the site your ad is on but from my personal experience I send messages to many women who I find attractive on a site so therefore we contact many women. it is kinda like talking to a bunch of women and finding out who would be interested back.

  • Im not an expert, have never online dated at all, but I know guys who do and they are indeed winking at tons of women!.

  • As bad as it may sound

    1) phyiscally attractive in photos

    2) good career or education background of some sort

    3) smoking

    4) Good mix of work, play and hobbies

    5) Location

  • I'll just pick a random girl and contact her , sometiems I don't concentrate on their photo .

  • Well first it depends what the man is looking for and exactly what websites he is a member of. There is a difference between eharmony and adultfriendfinder. I personally will never join adultfriendfinder. I am looking for a long-term relationship that will hopefully lead to marriage. I am looking for qualities that communicate that she is also looking for a long-term relationship and that she will be mature about it. I will only communicate to a few at one time, because I would like to give them much of my attention to let them know I am serious.

    More specifically there are some qualities that I just like in a woman, and they are simplya a matter of my taste. There are certain facial features that I find attractive in a girl, and I can't exactly explain it (maybe I can but it will be rude and disrespectful). For example I don't find Paris Hilton or Jessica Simpson attractive, but Clare Forlani is a godess (she is the girl in "Meet Joe Black"). I am not looking for the girl with the biggest boobs online. I want a girl who will enjoy my company and whose company I will enjoy. A good start is for a girl to list what her hobbies and interests are, and she should list list some behavioral qualities she is looking for in a man. For example if a girl likes to exercise, then she gets +1000 points because that is something we would have in common. If she says she is looking for a man who wears Armani suits, that's no good.

    But I know one guy (who is younger and immature) who talks to many girls online at once. He uses facebook and myspace and he is actually very rude to the girls on the phone and through online messages. He finds new girls every week to be rude to, and then they eventually realize he is a douchebag asshole. He has no idea what he is doing, and he has no idea what he wants. But for some reason he keeps finding new girls online and he keeps wasting their time.

    • This was on The guy contacted me (37 year old and I'm 31 if that matters). He sent me a wink and winked back. I figured if he is serious, he will send a msg. He followed up with a msg about one day later and then we had some back and forth for a couple days and then he suggested that we meet. I am looking for a long-term relationship and his profile gives the impression he is too. I'm just wondering since he winked first, does that mean it was just a random thing?

    • Maybe not. The wink alone is inconclusive. The fact that his profile implies he is looking for a long-term relationship is more promising. You can be a real judge of his character by paying close attention to his letters. If his letters are longer than 1 paragraph then it shows he actually takes time to write to you (which is good). But straight up ask him "What are you looking for in a relationship?" You really can't judge anything from the wink.

    • So far he has sent me 3 msgs which I have responded to. They are about 2.5 to 3 paragraphs each. They talk a little about himself and where he grew up and then asks me about myself. It turns out we are in the same neighborhood. He also brought up the election so we have exchanged som thoughts on that though I've kept that brief on my side - not as much fun. It turns out we both also like to run in the main park in the area. He seems similar to the profile so far. I guess I will learn more soon.

What Girls Said 1

  • Does it matter? If you see someone you like you wink, some will take it forward, others might not but wanted to wink at you because they thought you looked good or sounded good.

    Take it as a compliment that you get winks, in a similar way that you might get chatted up or flirted with while out but nothing becomes of it, it still is a lovely compliment. Some guys just wink to flirt. Just enjoy it and stop reading too much into it.