Mr. Right doesn't seem to be on his way any time soon. should I just settle for Mr. Right Now?

So I am 20 and never been in a serious, long term relationship. I have been in several short-term flings, one of which was someone I genuinely did love because we were good friends for 6 months prior to us getting together. However, I ended up alone after all of these flings.

I am a virgin, although I have done everything but sex. I was hoping to wait until I met someone who would either be committed to me, or someone I just trusted enough to not use me.

However, none of the guys in my past proved themselves to be this type of guy. And no one I know now is that way either. I am a sophomore in college and I am at the point now where I don't think a really good, genuine guy is gonna appear any time soon.

It could easily be YEARS until I meet someone I really trust and care about. So why wait?

I am so impatient and I am tired of holding my standards so high that I keep ending up alone. I really feel like I should just jump on the bandwagon and start really living the single life like everyone else in college is doing.

Does anyone else feel this way?

I really really really do NOTTT want to keep waiting and waiting. Who knows when I will meet him? And who knows how long it will take until I trust him? it could be FOREVER.

I just feel so lost.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Mr. Right never comes when you expect him.

    In my case, he came and he turned out to be a pain. I lost my virginity at 18 because, well that seemed like the best avenue, I like you, wanted to save it for someone who was right for me.

    I lost it to a guy who I trusted and respected, but we never got in a relationship and since then I've been sticking with FWB relationships because at 21, I have no interest in committing myself while I have so many other things going on. It works for me because I'm with 1 person at a time and it's a mock relationship in it's own way. I get the affection I need and the sex I want, without having to fuss about dates and trivial horse sh*t.

    You are setting the bar pretty high, I mean I don't know what your standards for a man are, but if you aren't meeting men who fit your criteria, you may want to change some of your "musts". I watch a lot of the Millionaire matchmaker and I read her book, which is great if you want advice on having a stable relationship and attracting the right people. But like Patty says in the book, you can't be crazy picky. There's just some stuff you have to say, "you know, I really like this person and maybe this thing I don't like about them I can overlook.".

    Mr. Right's out there, he just shows up when you really seriously don't want him to.

    • "It works for me because I'm with 1 person at a time and it's a mock relationship in it's own way. I get the affection I need and the sex I want, without having to fuss about dates and trivial horse sh*t."

      yes! that's exactly how I feel! I just am so sick and tired of investing myself in guys who are just major let downs, and I always end up falling asleep at night and waking up alone in the morning. I just feel like I want someone around, and even though a relationship is ideal, its unrealistic

    • Relationships aren't unrealistic, the truth is, sometimes we're not ready for them and actually a friends with benefits (I call them partners, because it sounds nicer) can sometimes bring you everything you crave and might even lead into a relationship (when you get into these, DO NOT expect it to turn into one). My standards are, if I like you as a person and I trust you and respect you and find you attractive, I don't mind a fwb. But I lay out ground rules. If you want to pursue this avenue, drop me a message.

    • Otherwise the comment box will get jammed. XD

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • Depends, can you live with yourself if you did? Could you tell the future Mr. Right what you decided to do instead not? Chances are he might not care really, but chances are also he'll find it incredibly appealing if you did manage to stay strong and wait out.

    I have a feeling you, like many MANY girls, are not going for the right guys. You're probably going for the very outgoing (seemingly) very social guys who are really assholes and manipulators. You're falling for the assholes, the douchebags, the jerks, and you probably think all guys are like that when you're the one not going for the quiet guy who's probably just working away and would be loyal and loving. I could be totally wrong, maybe you're not like that. But Iv'e come to notice that the great majority of girls go for these really talkative guys and then are shocked when they are jerks. They are talkative because they know they can manipulate others and they think they always should be heard. It's not that quiet guys aren't confident, some aren't, but some talkative guys aren't really confident either. It's just that those quiet guys who are confident don't talk cause they know that they aren't always needed to be.

    I know girls like to also be chased, but come now, you have to do some chasing from time to time too. There was an article around here (forget if it was enchanted's or keepitsimple or whoevers) that basically explained it well. The quiet or shy guys, if they talk to you, chances are they like you and you need to do some work on your end. If you don't, you'll never have anything worthwhile anyways.

    Anyways, I hope that helps a bit. Maybe you already were going for all sorts of guys (quiet, loud, shy, outgoing, whatever you wanna describe em) and just had really bad luck lately :\ if so, well best of luck to you. But you'll find someone worthy eventually.

    However, if you want to really have sex that bad, it's your choice. Just think about if you might regret it and how your ideal future mr. right would think of it. Think of your standards for him and think if any of those might look more favorably to you waiting or not.

    Honestly, not sure what your standards are. Maybe if we knew what those are we could talk about those. It's OK to have standards, but some people have ridiculously unreasonable standards. And, sorry to say, you women tend to have more unreasonable ones than men. Sure some men are childish and think women can be sexy 24/7, but what most women don't realize there is that many men will find you sexy 24/7 when they really love you regardless of how dressed up you are lol. But women seem to have this standard of men making money, being good looking, being smart, being confident, being strong, etc etc etc all 24/7. It's a bit insane.

    • I don't go for the social outgoing guys. I mean I have been with some of them, but I also have dated quiet guys who were nice to me, but just not what I wanted. The ideal guy for me just isn't coming, and I feel like its kind of pointless to wait now. My standards are ridiculously high, and I will deal with that later when it comes to finding someone serious to settle down with. Right now, I just kind of want to enjoy myself

    • Show All
    • and also, not to be a creep, I noticed you are from rochester ny. that's where I live! I was thinking about transferring to RIT as well. just thought you should know that haha

    • Hah, no big deal. That's pretty cool :) another Rochestarian around here.

  • try online dating; ask guys out

    • I do ask guys out. Honestly, the whole concept of dating seems really awful to me. I have been "dating" around for 6 years and nothing good has come from it. I just feel like giving up :/

    • Show All
    • i don't get what you want. you want a serious relationship but not a soulmate?

    • i wanted to save my virginity for a serious relationship. but now I see that a serious relationship is going to be hard to find with guys around my age, and it seems foolish to continue waiting and hoping to have a connection with anyone I meet right now.

  • The longer you wait the better chance you won't be hurt.


What Girls Said 5

  • Don't just give away your virginity because you're tired of waiting. You just feel like you're missing out on something, that's your sense of urgency. But what you think you're missing out on, you'll still be missing out on if you just sleep with a guy and then he turns out to be the type of guy you were avoiding to begin with. You will feel extremely used and feel worse than you have.

  • Ok trust me when I say Mr. Right is worth the wait if you settle for Mr. Wrong you will most likely get hurt god has a plan and you will met "The one" when it's time I know what it is like to lose faith and settle for second best and I got my heart ripped out through my nose he dumped me for my best friend so waiting is the better choice but it is your choice do what you wish not what others tell you

  • You are young ... Mr. Right now could be good...i am a 26 years Old virgin just because I never had a boyfriend, I have low self esteem that's why...

    So if I find a Nice guy I would do it, why not... I don't want to be a 30 year Old virgin But I won't get s randomm dude either

  • I completely felt this way when I was your age. Now I look back and I am glad I didn't get married then. I didn't really know who I was and might have ended up divorced. I was also a virgin until I was 22 so I definitely understand what you are saying. Honestly, I know its hard to hear but you have time. Doesn't seem so now but I'd at least give it up to 5yrs before you start thinking its time to settle.Id say the biggest think that if I could change back then is my mindset on what was important to a marriage and majority of the men in your age group are not ready for that. So you probably need to date men that are out of college and already started a career so anywhere from 25-30ish (if he's a young 30 lol).Dont forget your side of the marriage too,what can you bring to the table and are you really ready for that. Do you already know what you want, do you plan to work or houswife, how do you feel about religion and do you want him to feel the same, do you have debt what if he has tons of debt.I know you are thinking about the romantic side of it but love is not the reason most marriages end, its sex, money and religion, so you alrady have to be secure in these areas and know what you want. Hope this helps

    • oh goodness no nooo I am not looking to get married. I don't want to be married until I'm like 27-30. I'm talking about meeting a good guy and trusting him enough to lose my virginity to him. but he isn't coming.

    • oh ok.Well I can tell you that the longer you wait the more difficult it gets to give it away to someone even if he was mr right.Being a virgin ws such a part of me for so long that even though I gave it away to someone that was a good person to do it with I still felt like I was no longer unique lol.Sounds weird lol but that's how I felt and then the only way you know if you'll be upset or not will be all based on how it ends lol.He could be best guy when you do it and it end bad and regret it

  • I'm basically in your exact same predicament... And I agree that waiting does get very tiresome and frustrating. But I don't plan on just having a one night stand or a fling. Having sex to have sex doesn't appeal to me, not with the risk of STD, pregnancy, etc. and if you were to just have a random, hook-up you don't know anything about a guy's sexual history.

    The way I see it, I've already waited this long so what's another year or so? Yes, it doesn't look like there are any worthwhile guys in the picture right now, but who knows what could happen? I'd rather wait than jump the gun.

    • Nah, I don't really want a one-night stand either. I guess I am just talking more about a guy that I am acquaintances with, or a guy whose shown interest a few times but doesn't have to be all the stuff I am looking for in a serious relationship. I just really feel like I can't wait anymore, and sitting around with my fingers crossed only to be let down actually is seeming like the worse alternative :/

    • No worthwhile guys? What happened to Alex?

    • QA- Well if you're looking for a friends with benefits situation then that'd be better and probably easier to find. But those tend to get really messy.

      Anon- I tried but apparently he doesn't care. I'm not going to be someone's text buddy. I think that it was intimidating to him that I had my sh*t together. And he didn't do anything really to enrich my life anyway.