What should I do to find the right woman to marry?

Women always decline a second date with me. The excuses vary but its usually that they want an active "manly" man who is outgoing with leadership skills. Because I work out a lot and dress nice I think some women might assume I'm like that, but my personality is more the quiet and laid back. I am not willing to be outgoing and approach women first.

Usually date via eharmony, and I have pretty high standards.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Well, you gotta do a mirror analysis of yourself and try to understand something:

    YOUR TACTICS AREN'T WORKING. They just aren't.

    Leadership skills? Yeah, have them. Call the shots - take a girl out for drinks/happy hour/dinner/play, whatever. Have control of the date and end it when you want to.

    Don't be positive 100% of the time. Switch between positive/neutral/negative emotions because girls find it interesting when an attitude shifts different ways. If I was on a date with a girl who was happy and jittery all the time, I'd grow disinterested at some point.

    A quiet and laid back attitude can work to your advantage. Girls like a mysterious guy who asks her questions and sh*t. A girl will wonder if you really do like her or not.

    Marriage = throw that sh*t in the can. You're not the one to pursue marriage. That's a girl's job to want it. You, on the other hand, want to get sex.

    You need to erect more masculinity with bad boy behaviors. Any signs of feminine crap, like emotions or 'nice guy' attitude = forget it. Girls should treat you nice, like a champion.

    • Isn't another option to just say f*** it and pursue other things, then let women pursue me when they want?

    • Show All
    • It's better to put forth effort and determination to get a girl you really want, rather than sit back and let a girl come to you. The 1st way takes work, but it'll make you better because you're trying. And you'll get experience from it and learn more about women. Whereas, the 2nd way will make the girl work for you, and you may become LAZY about it. And then you won't care or want the relationship after a while because it's too easy.

    • Well I agreed with one thing you said in the original answer. Women should treat me like a champion. I'm an excellent catch and the idea I should assume the field or change myself to be more outgoing or approach women is simply absurd.

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What Girls Said 6

  • basically, if you keep doing what you've been doing, then you're going to keep getting the same results you've been getting. it's pretty simple.

    so you're going to have to change SOMETHING at least in order to get different results, ie: find a wife.

    maybe the problem is that your appearance does not match your personality. if you're not outgoing, but want to get married, then girls who are going to be attracted to your appearance are most likely expecting a more outgoing guy. so you either need to change your appearance to attract a more outgoing girl, or change your personality to keep the ones who are attracted to your current appearance.

    usually, it's much easier to change your looks than your personality. but the bottom line is, you HAVE to change something, otherwise you will keep meeting women who are not interested in you.

  • Seriously, online dating is sh*t. I am so anti-online dating agencies and at the same time anti dating agencies. When we talk of relationships, it is something to be treated as sacred. Life is sacred -- and you are not looking for a puppy to entertain you or make you laugh when you need someone to cheer you up. I would rather advise you to go to places where good girls go. Trust destiny, and at the same time work with it. Be the person you want to be, be positive and naturally, you will attract the right people.

    • Well I'm a pretty positive person just don't initiate conversatiin

  • yeah...man up and ask a girl out in PERSON.

  • Most women are unwilling to approach guys first. You need to overcome this fear.

  • You refuse to approach women, you don't date in person, you don't act like a real man, AND you have high standards (which probably means you want a woman who acts feminine but you're a man who doesn't act masculine).

    Hmmm. Well it's pretty obvious that you need to change. After a certain number of women who refuse to go on even a second date with you, I think bells should be going off that say "hey...maybe it's not them that's the problem. It's ME."

    If you don't, you will be alone.

    • I date in person but I only meet somewhere online, and I'm perfectly chivalrous the entire tike with doors and checks and what not.

    • Its unfortunately true... you can be in the top 1% of attractive males and you won't get as much of a response as a 30% female would from men...

      Approach first, they liked to be chased :) sometimes its worth it, lol, sometimes not

    • What if I categorically rule this out?

  • With an attitude like that, you'll be very very lucky if you get married.


What Guys Said 1

  • All the women on eharmony are crazy. The television ads draw women who think they will meet someone who is a perfect match for them and fall in love with them right away.

    • Add Match.com to the list .. relationships ..yeah right.. bullsh*t central.