How can I start to break out of my shell???

I'm mixed and was raised in 2 different types of households growing up.

My mother is an American-Christian and my father is an Arab- Muslim. Both sides are pretty religious but my father side is a little more to the extreme( not in a bad way though). Anyways if you are aware of the rules of a Muslim then you know that their is no such thing as dating. So Boyfriend/ girlfriend relationship, sex before marriage thing doesn't happen. They are more of arranged marriages.

Well I lived with my mother side until I was 12 then ended up moving with my father. I lived overseas with him so I learned a lot about the culture and why they live the way they do. I'm 21 years old now and I recently moved back with my mother side of the family.

Now that I'm old enough to make my own decisions, the arrange marriage thing Doesn't work well with me, so I want to start dating. Anyways because I grew up in a secluded household, dating for me is really scary. I don't think I know how.. Lol.

Another thing is, would I really find someone who is willing to even give me a chance, like if the relationship gets serious will they be willing to stay without sex?( I still believe in the NO SEX before marriage thing). I don't know how to be in a relationship so I don't want the fact that if I think something is not going right with me I'm considered childish because of a decision.

Another thing is because of me being secluded I'm not quite comfortable going out on certain types of dates.

Do you think I'm even ready to date?




Most Helpful Girl

  • I think that whenever you meet a guy you need to be open and

    honest about your situation and your life. Everyone has different

    lifestyles and you need to find a guy that understands if not feels

    the same way. Many people (men AND women) will not stay in a

    relationship if there is no sex these days. So that is normal really and

    if something doesn't work out because of it that is not your fault, and that

    does not make you childish. It's your beliefs and values and you just need

    to stick to them and carry yourself in a confident way no matter what you

    really are feeling.

    There are plenty things you can do on dates besides sex. To me a relationship

    is connecting with another person on all levels and finding out about each other.

    You can go out and do things, or it can be simple like hanging out at home

    together. I think only you can decide if you are ready or not though because its a

    personal choice.

    You just need to think about a few things like if you are ready to open up to another

    person. You will have to communicate, its so important that you do, because the person

    you date has to understand you and know where you are coming from. They need to

    understand why you feel the way you do and why you do the things you do. If its the right

    person he will stay around even if you don't have sex, and he will like that you can open

    up to him.

    If you have specific questions you can message me on here and I'll answer them

    the best I can.

    • The crazy thing is that as much as I want to be in a relationship I don't think I'm really ready to open up to someone... I think what it is, is that I'm afraid to open up! I don't want to be the person who goes in and out of relationships( weird, I know). I just want to get into a relationship and know that its gonna be forever... I think what it is, I'm afraid to get my heart broken and because I've never been in love I'm scared that when I do fall in love its gonna be HARD... am I just not ready?

    • Well that's the thing about dating though.. dating IS a game. Its like testing the waters before you dive in. If you are afraid of the water you are never going to find out if it was fun to dive in. Yes its hard when things don't work out, but you learn from them, and you learn about yourself even more. You understand what you do and don't want, things that you may not of realized before. Very few people stay with the first person they were ever with for the rest of their lives.

    • Unless its something like arranged marriages. There is no "for sure" in dating you just have to be confident and try it out. Most likely the first few guys you date won't be the people you want to spend the rest of your life with. Because after dating you learn things, and it might not be what you want. Sometimes it might hurt. Its worth it though when you find that someone special. I can't say if you are ready or not its really up to you. But you do need to put yourself out there for it to work

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • So how strict is your father? or your father's side?

    I come from a completely Muslim household (not arab however)but my parents are not strict. They don't care if have girlfriends of w.e race, religion for any non-serious relationship. They however do expect me to get married to the same race & religion. It's not something I expect them to enforce but they would not support me if I didn't go with my race and religion. This is mainly because they believe people of different cultural backgrounds sometimes have hard time adjusting to each other. It adds one more thing for the couple to feud over and they have seen it happen a few times in the family (My uncle and his wife).

    • Their strict... Your muslim so you understand their beliefs! No boyfriends what so ever, arranged marriages is what they believe in! They would probably disown me just the thought of me having a boyfiend. Yous said that they are okay with you dating, but then again your a guy... Would they allow your sisters to have boyfriends? Cause my family is okay with the guys doing certain things but would make a big deal if the girl did the same... .

What Girls Said 1

  • if your mom is christian, trying finding a nice guy at church. those types are more understanding about sex before marriage... or at least most of them do (those who read the bible do) good luck

Loading... ;