Should you go for someone you're emotionally attracted to without being physical into them?

[Anonymous]

Physical appearances change. Personality is a better investment. Its ideal to find both when your young, but if you have to choose, then choose personality as long as you can still get it up for her. And dont be selfish and become addicted to porn. If you must use porn then have her make you porn of her body as your lust for her will grow the less you have other material. My wife isn't my perfect physical type, but she still makes me horny as fuck when I fantasize about her. She's overweight and knows it and struggles with it emotionally, but I dont care becouse her tits are now large and hot, and her eyes turn me on when she's sucking my cock.

Personality wise she's 100% what I asked for and is my best friend. Most girls get fat with age and having kids and it's a constant struggle for them to live up to some magazine standard. But reality is that 90% of guys dont expect that level of perfection and just want an attractive face and a loving heart. And when your 80, you can't get it up anyways so better to have a women you can live with. Then a memory you keep forgetting.

[2os4ngeles]

It's a tradeoff you will have to decide whether you think is worthwhile.

I don't think you can change your physical attraction to them, because I think that stuff is probably to do with how good of a genetic match your instincts tell you you are.

Anyway, anthropologist Helen Fisher has done some really interesting research in this area that I recommend looking into.

Basically, there are three drives: sexual attraction, which basically means as a straight man you will be sexually attracted to lots of women.

Then there is infatuation, which is when you feel drawn to a particular individual, like when you develop a crush on someone.

And then there is attachment, which is something that develops over time, and often after you have been intimate with someone.

The three drives operate independently of each other, so you can e. g. develop an attachment to someone you were never infatuated with, if you have sex with them. Or you can be infatuated with someone but not develop an attachment because e. g. you discover their personality is actually super annoying.

[SueShe]

For me, that would be the only way to go if I was into dating or being in a relation.

For me, priority goes to character, personality and intellect while the physical attributes are totally non relevant. I am not into being intimate and therefore I place no importance to those trivial physical look issues.

A guy can be overweight, fat, short, hairy, smelly and unkempt and still intellectually attractive to me. I need to have a good intellectual chemistry for me to be able to consider a person.

Since the sexual part of a relation is not even remotely coming into consideration, those superficial looks are way on the bottom of my priority list. Of course, the guy would also need to refrain from wanting to be sexual.

Not only does a relation that is not based on sexual priorities work out much better on the long run. Those issues like cheating, having to perform, being always ready for sex are eliminated and that makes a relation so much healthier (no STD/STI risk among others). You are therefore able to concentrate on the real important things in life.

[yoshi_wanna_ask]

Yep, absolutely. The more time you get used to them and the more time you spend with them, the more you like them as a whole person. The things that were 'big' to start off with, suddenly don't seem so important anymore, especially if you really click. Not only that, but looks change a lot over your life time. A number of people who are so-so in their late teens and early adulthood are really attractive later on. The only situation this might not work for is the dater is just using the person for sex & their looks & not interested in getting to know them or having a relationship. Otherwise, if you get to know each other & click, it will come to the point where you find them (maybe not 'hot' but) attractive and not even realise when that changed. It's because you care about the person.

Like you said, their current looks, don't repulse you, but you're just kinda neutral. Build into the relationship and you'll see this happen, honestly.

[sagevvalentine]

Yes I have previously done so, but unfortunately it has not worked out the best.

I started dating the guy who sat behind me in maths class, I found him insanely smart and very hardworking. He was very very skinny and lanky because I was a cross country runner, and I wasn't that physically attracted to him. We went on a few dates, and eventually I got a bit tired of him because our relationship was very unbalanced. He didn't have much experience with girls and I found myself intiating everything and him treating me as if I was a friend and not much more.

So in the end, I'm dating my current boyfriend, who is perfect because he has both. He is both very clever and I think he's super hot so win win for all. But because this previous guy and I did have an emotional relationship, I still think of him fondly now and again, unlike others that I was only physically attracted to.

[OlderAndWiser]

When I was younger, I would say "definitely not," but I have been in a relationship in which my physical attraction grew as I spent more time with the lady.

[nomazi]

If They are attractive, but just not my type? Then yep. Things like a sense of style is not a problem to me (i don’t have one either), but we can get one together. As long as you smell clean, I’m good (I can’t really do strong Cologne anyways). If you can clean up behind yourself, then there’s no problem there. Idc about things like acne or being a little overweight either, because I have some acne, and I’m a little thicker.

If they aren’t attractive to me at all, then nope. I like being intimate (kissing, snuggling, hugging, holding hands, etc.). I can’t do that with someone who I just don’t find attractive at all.

You can def start getting physically attracted to someone else if they were your type before the relationship

[Can_I_Get_a_Do-Over]

I know myself and I need chemistry big time. I need to be on fire with desire for him first. If there’s chemistry, I am already emotionally attracted to him. The two things happen close together, but if I’m emotionally connected to him without the sexual flirty naughty spark, I can’t get excited. It’s a nice friendship, but it’s bland and lacking passion. .

[CharlieUnicorn]

Some people only feel physical attraction to somebody after there's been a certain time of emotional attraction and kinship. If that's how you're wired, then yes.

Though it's never advisable to date anyone who's actually physically unappealing to you.
That's something else.

[DorkVader]

This is an interesting question to me. I'm always attracted to men's personality first and they become more physically attractive over time. Most of the good-looking guys I've messed with were players, so it just turned me off after a while. I say if you want to try, give it a shot. But don't reject him and stay friends and beat yourself up when he finds someone else who goes for him, and be like Why her? This happened to me too

[AestheticLife]

That’s how I am with the girl I’m dating rn. She’s average or slightly below, but emotionally I’m into her. I’m like a model and people always look at me like wtf am I dating her. Personality means a lot more for me. Plus as for physical attraction I get turned on very easily by her, so no real issue

[UglyestGuyEver]

if your fuckin stupid and follow the rules of what u THINK society wants u to do and do what u think is morally correct... if you wanna be soccietys puppet... yes then go ahead ,... go after a girl u like personally but not attracted to,.,. go ahead.

but its jus natural every human being wants their mate to be attractive physically... its nature and how we get attracted to others and how our reproduction motivation is taken place... if u do what U want and follow ur heart... then u will go with someone u find physically attractive... if ur an inidividual who goes ur own way and not follow the bandwagon and be societys puppet... everyone wants someone hot

[SarahsSummer]

The most lasting relationships ARE based on emotional attraction. If all someone has going for them is looks, those fade, but an emotional connection can often transcend into a physical attraction as well.

[AlienParasite]

No, I can't. It can happen that someone is quite average and I don't pay too much attention, but suddenly I get an emotional connection and that person starts to turn me on a lot. But usually that person is good looking enaugh to me, despite beign average. Otherwise I wouldn't get to be turned on.

[Kurodo]

I'm not that shallow, I'd go for it if I enjoy spending time with them. I don't really expect my preferences to be met in the first place, just some things that I like but I can see past that and enjoy whats there.

[Screenwriter]

That person may be great friend material, but not relationship material. Though it's true people look better the more you like them, if you don't have physical chemistry, I doubt it'll develop.

[FriendlyEnigma]

I feel like you should be both emotionally and physically attracted to them, but when i dated my ex who i was super close, even tho i was super attracted to her at first, she became the most beautiful girl because of how into her i was emotionally

[blutwolfe]

if I'm not physically attracted in the least it's not gonna work out. These questions always end in the fat chick with the good personality or the hot chick who's a brick.

I'd rather her be at least average looking before personality factors in.

[clampfan101]

Not should, but could.
It certainly can happen, but it doesn’t have to. Emotional attraction is absolutely more important, but finding someone physically attractive at the same time is perfectly fine.

[Dazed0N0Confused]

Bodies change, the mind and personality stay relatively the same. You never know how happy you will be if you don't try

[RedThread]

I would need to have some physical attraction to them. They don't need to be drop dead sexy by any means but I need some attraction. Their personality would fill the rest.

[RHK36]

Yes, but it might not work out. It's the same where you would be physically attracted to them but didn't like their personality. It could work, but it'll probably fall apart.

[anonymou_man-17]

Emotionally. Eventually looks fade away and we all grow old. Not every one ages well and what will be left is personality and hopefully a strong loving relationship

[itsaed_94]

Yes it can absolutely happen. You fall in love with someone's personality or the way they treat you, not with the looks.
I used to like a guy who was very ugly. At first I didn't care who he was, but after I was obliged to work with him in a school project, I began to get to know him (even though I wasn't interested) and began to see what a nice and kind guy he was. Then we became friends, and after a while, I started to have a crush on him.
In my opinion, looks don't really matter.

[Fromdusktilldawn]

Believe me you will get sexually frustrated after some time. You'll the desire of sexuality but you have the dilemma of loving her personality not being physically attracted to her at all.
Except you don't have a notable sexual drive

[Anonymous]

Physical attraction may be great but it doesn’t last forever. Being into someone because of personality is what lasts. It’s what is left after all the looks go away. In my opinion, it’s best to start out with falling in love with their personality first. The looks will become more and more attractive later.

[Ninjazzed]

If it’s just a fleeting crush and nothing genuine, then move on.

[TacosRAwesome]

If you still find them sexy despite them not being your physical type, then sure why not. If you don't then better to be just friends.

[aguyintheworld]

Look there's nothing wrong what's emotional attraction however there has to be at least somewhat of a physical attraction or will not work out guaranteed

[ask4any]

What is love in the first place? An emotion. So yes, I think it's not only possible, but fundemental.

[Anonymous]

Sure if that’s enough for you personally why not. To others it might not be enough and would rather be alone if that were the case.

[MsElizabeth96]

No. If you're not physically attracted, what's the point in a relationship?

[Ee_ls]

Of course! Looks don't matter and since you're used to their personality/behavior, you don't give second thought into their appearance; it's like you don't see looks.

[vxlsir]

Looks are temporary
Personality is forever
Only do it though if you won't cheat on them

[edjee4]

IMHO the best relationships are where you love the person but are also wildly attracted to them sexually.

[sweetcocoa_]

No. It doesn't work people. Its called settling and eventually you'll find yourself disgusting for being fake to yourself. Stay real.

[JohnnySigma85]

Seriously. If a hot chick wants to date me without caring that I'm fat, I'd marry her in a heartbeat.

[Wowgirl30q]

No that's how cheating later happens. You can't make your genitals love them

[Anonymous]

Emotional attraction to me makes the relationship last longer because you can connect to that person on a deeper level and it also makes the sex so much more hotter and amazing

[Browneye57]

You're confusing guys and gals. They really are different.
Guys are visually and sexually driven. No guy pursues a girl he's not attracted to.

[Liam_Hayden]

Pretty looks with no soul connection = eventual boredom.

average looks with a soul connection = lots of joy.

[Chthou95]

Most people will need both physical and mental. There are an exception of people who would. But i wouldn't do that to that person. It wouldn't be fair

[Anonymous]

You will end up turning her down sexually and it only gets worse, not better. You will end up really hurting her.

I understand the concept and it’s noble. But it won’t end well. Don’t do it.

[RaindropSparkle]

I’m a firm believer in needing both personally.

[PinkPenguin]

I'd concider such a person as part of my cluster.

[Anonymous]

women can't be emotionally attached to somebody they're not physically attracted to because they'd never even talk to him/her to even know anything about them

[Exorcist_Rampage]

No. Both portions should apply.

[Shiva987]

Equal poles always repple think before act

[esotericstory]

If they dont want 5 kids I'm not dating them.

[MrBurke]

Its the only way i get a date

[LordSnuggles]

That's called a best friend.