1 mo

Should I talk to my boyfriend or is it all in my head? If talk, where to start?

Tonight something felt different with my boyfriend. I can't point out what. One reason is after he drives me home he usually immediately leans in to kiss me but tonight i had to lean in. And he didn't seem keen on deepening the kiss like usual, so I just stopped and went inside the house. But otherwise things were normal. We danced, chatted, held hands... It's just a gut feeling that something's up.
The other night, when i slept over, he told me a secret for the first time since we started dating. Then he asked me to tell him one of mine. It took a while for me to come up with one, and when i did it was clearly not as embarrassing as his. Maybe that's made him upset?
A few weeks ago, while we were both overseas, he msged me, crying. Asked if i could talk on the phone. I didn't call him and asked him to just type it out. I gave him some advice but maybe not the greatest. The thing is, I was going through some of my own and instinctively reached out to the guy i'm in love with instead of my boyfriend... I was so upset I couldn't think rationally.
Because of my bf's problem, he might have to leave the state.
I'm in love with a mutual friend who left the state. My boyfriend figured out i had something with the mutual. I told him it's nothing and it's done. But the truth is i chat with the guy sometimes, as u may have figured, and i miss him.
My boyfriend brings him up sometimes, saying things like, "would u let ___ do that?" or "what if it was ___?" or "how's ___?"
These past few weeks I've come to think less about the guy who left and more about my boyfriend. when my boyfriend brings him up i feel like im being questioned about a crime i didn't commit. It's like I'm not cheating but I feel bad.
My bf's talented, sweet, fun, good with kids and great in bed... He's passionate and treats me so well. I love his family. He's having problems career wise rn, but i can see a future with him. He may not make me feel the way i do about the guy who left, but i do love my boyfriend.
What should i do, if anything?
1 mo
Thanks for all your inputs. They've been helpful. My boyfriend told me today that he's leaving the state, and he was trying to tell me that night. I knew something was up, except I was wrong and it wasn't about my conflicted feelings between him and the other guy. It wasn't about me at all. He thinks it's best for me for us to break up immediately to avoid sudden heartache, but I told him we should stick together, stay present, and part peacefully when the time comes.
1 mo
Today I ended communication with the guy who left. It's late, i know, but Im officially letting him go and giving my boyfriend my whole heart. I'm going to make the best of the time we have left.
Should I talk to my boyfriend or is it all in my head? If talk, where to start?
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