When you are in a relationship for too long you become content with having someone in your life and not worrying about all that craziness of being single. It goes both ways.
Touche, touche good sir. The problem is none of my past relationships ever made me feel that way, so I cannot relate unfortunately. Hopefully one day I'll be able to say that!
I found truth in your words, as I found myself unwanted, at least by German women (so far what I have experienced within my own filter-bobble). So I "reconfigured" my mindset to open up to the whole world. Now I found myself with an African who is kind and tolerant to me. Sure I can understand that we all live in filter-bobbles but the key is to break that bobble and look beyond it. What I mean is, look globally when you want to find a true husband/long-term boyfriend, not just locally.And yes, your profile's slogan is right, stay away from idiots and jerks. You can still find loving single males, just they are getting rare. And please listen to him, he seem to be a really good coach. :-)Maybe go to dating sites like #Okcpuid? This one is free of charge and if you answer +1k questions (I had answered there +2.7k questions) then you might get contacted. Just please be aware, that cowards are over there, too. The button label "Block" has a real purpose then. ;-)
@roland77 Really? Well congrats on finding someone that appreciates and loves you!!! I hope she treats you well :) I actually tried online dating years ago, and in the past even did some long distance relationships: ironically some of my best ones were from people from other countries such as Australia and England (that and I love their accents, haha). But distance is of course a major issue! Unfortunately, while it's a great notion... I certainly wouldn't be opposed to ANY man regardless of his location if he's the right one for me. It's just finding said unicorn. You yourself said it is rare to find good men nowadays (that is so disappointing, yet true). But I will not give up! I am just on a break for now. If nothing else, maybe I can help others until I'm ready to help myself
@Cynicaldreamer Yes, distance is a major issue. We are soon fixing that, June 2020 is not that far anymore.
@Cynicaldreamer And thank you for your wishes. I hope you can one day find your match.
first off - yer in the wrong store! girl - those shelves are empty - go to a big giant mall with lots of exciting stores and shops and walk around and don't look for anything - just stroll. head into stores that look interesting. or stores you normally wouldn't go into. be open to anything. just be. and smile! and drop that cynicism. he's out there! you'll find him! you just have to stop looking! i hear you on all of your points and i understand! but nothing happens until you be-live your beliefs and then you'll create magic! once that starts - whoa! yer not gonna know what hit you! trust me?
Keep searching, you have still a lot years left. :-)
Well there are many great points that I could point out that would make it worth it but the "weight" of them for each individual person is greatly different.
I know, Coach. I'm not giving up, but sometimes I feel a little disheartened.It came to a point where I feel so happy and grateful when a girl rejects me openly. For example, there was a girl who I met on a dating app. After 2 weeks of text exchanges and frequent voice calls, she suddenly disappeared for a couple of days. She had the decency to text me apologizing, and explaining that she lost interest, and that she called to tell me she's calling to apologize for wasting my time. I was a little disappointed, but I was very grateful she actually had the decency and built up the courage to actually tell me.I find ghosting and curving to be extremely disrespectful. That's one of the reasons I really respect her for what she did.
How come it took so long to set up a date with her? 2 weeks of chatting? I don't go for more then 3 days before I say hey lets meet up. Chatting over text and phone is one thing but doing it in person can set a whole other tone.
She lived a few hours away. I could have easily driven to visit, but one weekend she had to study for a big test, and the weekend after that I was on-call. I still appreciate how upfront she is about it. In retrospect, yeah, I see things from her point of view, but her actually telling me outright was super helpful. I was so happy she actually said "no" no to me, I was more delighted with the honesty, than disappointed by the rejection.Thanks for the MHO by the way
Why don't you go after it and let her say no before you decide it's already a no?
Well. I'm her patient for one thing. I see her once every two weeks for chiropractic care. And i don't things to get weird between us
Maybe that should of been your answer.
My answer WAS, IS, and will REMAIN, don't go after her
I agree. Don't make it weird between you two if you are her patient.
You working at the post office has NOTHING to do with it.
I mentioned the post office thing to add a factual basis to paint a picture. I would've also mentioned she was MY doctor, but that small detail did slip my mind as I was writing.
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That is awesome and Happy Belated Birthday!
Thanks. I have now reached that age where even I don't believe it when I claim that I am still middle aged! :)
Makes me feel good that I have stuff to still look forward too!
I had the visit, it did not reignite, I won't have any doubts about what might have been, and I have moved forward!
most of the guys i like have girlfriends. i don't initially know that they do, but i swear, every time i am vibing with a guy and hope that he's single, he isn't.
The same with me exactly
Maybe you all 3 should go to #Okcupid? Or are you already there? Women are being hammered there with messages from men. Sadly some jerks are there, too. Just hit the button that read "Block" on it. ;-)
@roland77 i dobt use those sites
@roland77 oh dear God. okcupid? guys who are looking for week-long relationships?
@DianaWest I was there for looking into long-term, not extended ONS. :-) I must be an exception then. And I answered +2.8k questions.
I feel you I have the same problem except for me it’s the women , who are dating , married , or divorced.
@DianaWest yup. been there. of course one of them decided to tell me after we'd had a fling going for a month that he had a girlfriend of nearly a year.
@KeziL Like in real-life. Date on in the real world and he could be lying to you as he has a girlfriend for long with him. #Okcupid can still be helpful when you get nervous sitting in front of him and cannot speak up because of being overly shy. Then Okcupid and any other dating platforms are helpful as he is in physical distance while you can feel comfortable in your home rooms. it helped me a lot and sure it would end otherwise if she would be sitting right from the start in front of me. Don't blame me (and no blame to you intended) when I'm not a talkative person while dating, I'm nervous about it.Yes, I know. Such sites are used by ONS people as well. also those willing to give money for sex in exchange (it did happen with my now-girlfriend, she just blocked him), the same can happen to you in reality dates, too! He can portray himself nice to you while he only wants sex for money from you. You want to know what we both felt about that guy who contacted my now-girlfriend like that? Porn guy!Still you can be contacted and dated by such guys in the real world and cannot find it out until he comes up with money and sex and has a camera with him. So don't blame Okcupid for being an ONS platform, that is not true. There are respectful people, like me, there who respects existing relationships and people's desires (ONS/short-term/long-term) and filter them OUT or when disrespectful, leave them IN. My girlfriend had it enough with such such guys (she send me screenshots of them all, she blocked) and finally deleted her account there, so I followed here, no reason to have it around anymore, and deleted it, too.After all, I can say that Okcupid, seen from an average looking male, it was at the start a boring, later successful experience. I had to contact women first, then they (5 women, 1 made it to me, 4 are respectfully wished good-bye and good luck) wrote me back.
@KeziL Beside, I sent her screenshots of my inbox and block list, too. So it is a two-sided trust thing. And I'm not against you all here. @jennifer_bloom @DianaWest @kitty71
@roland77 I've never tried online dating. I honestly hate talking to guys online, it's much easier for me to talk in person. Someday I might try Tinder if I feel like I'm having a hard time meeting people in person, but as of now I'm in college and there's guys around every corner, maybe one'll work out.
@KeziL Good for you. I would be to shy in reality. I tried it and failed not going over to her. Now I have it easier with my (currently distant) girlfriend because I know she won't hurt me.
Mine are exotic women, including "Russian" (Northern Asia), nothing against my own race, being Caucasian/white. I just have a preference in them.
You guys need to get out there and explore. My mom did so 48 years ago & married an 'exotic man' as a typical Irish man didn't do the trick. She however didn't allow fears or the unknown to get to her. She was open from early on in her life. She travelled a pathway which allowed her work in a place (charity) and subsequently to meet my dad. All her choices aligned with her dreams. Don't leave this world with regrets💕
Wow love your mother's story
She IS awesome:)
@TrulyPink28 Indeed she is. :-) Love is universal, not national.
@TrulyPink28 i love your mother's story too!
See that's the crazy thing that's the way I thought to but my salsa done it's not a what you want what you always thought of I dreamed of it's what happens how to make you feel how did there for you so you look into their eyes and nothing around you exist anymore for those moments just remember I never wanted anybody or do you ask anybody or have a relationship but she was persistent on my case and my day is about to quit a job she told me that I got this and for some reason some way inside me I found it and she helped me find that one part of me that was lost and I was lost now because I lost her it's about how they make you want to be better without you knowing it's how they're there for you when you don't think they are or anybody else just want to stand by you time and time again nobody else can and you know you but everybody else for some reason to make you feel alright
@Superman79 I think if I ever do find anyone, it will probably happen this way.
Good point, I hope you are fine with being "alone" (no one in bed to cuddle up with) then?
@roland77 I love being alone, and I don't enjoy cuddling anyway.
Okay, opposite of me then. I miss being cuddled up with someone. It feels unwanted and unloved.
So long story short and I lost the woman of my dreams cuz I'm not putting a lot of relationships I was very immature inexperienced and lost track of who I was and my jealousy so we ended up breaking up she said she needed space Define herself again to fix her so she can be happy and thenOne day we can be together again after I fix myself too I fix myself the best I can the rest I need her so I can be the man she needs me to be so I'm respecting her space I'm respecting her choices it's hard for me to sit by day in Day Out without her in my life annoyed that she might meet somebody else it might take my place is it feeling I wish upon nobody hope you have a good one person that you're in love with hold on to them all that you are and if you lose track communicate don't ever forget why you fell in love Amanda May is my forever and always she's my soulmate love of my life hopefully by respecting her to see she's the only one for me I still did a day of not being with another woman so it's been almost a year I still have a little bit of Hope left that maybe just maybe she still loves me I can't see myself with anybody else other than her does that make me crazy
Last part and I'm scared shittless of letting her down again and her children I'm scared that I'm not going to be what she didn't needs I'm scared that she's not going to love me anymore I'm I'm really scared terrified cuz she's going to fall in love with somebody else and I will lose her forever terrifies me I've never been scared before my life I'm nothing I've never been in love before until now she is the most spectacular woman I've ever met hopefully she sees out I'm still in love with her and will do anything for her I'm just scared the only person to take that away is Amanda and then I'll be able to be the man she needs me to be and overcome anything in my life with her by my side without her I'm lost scared terrified I feel useless worthless nothing I do or will do will ever be good enough for nobody I feel like a failure I've never felt none of these things before my life I never let anybody get close to me but she did and she stole my heart my soul that's what we will remain for the rest of my days so I love you Amanda May Phillips forever and always baby girl
Sounds like you have stuff under control! Good for you!
You are too kind. Thank you! :) I am trying my best~
Technology is the other woman? I won't argue that Tech makes it really easy to do a lot of bad things but on the flip side without online dating most of my clients would be sitting on the couch by themselves still if I hadn't showed them the way. Technology is the greatest thing since slice bread when it comes to finding someone to be with. End of story lol
Ok, but then when you get the girl./guy.. get off the dating sites/ delete your account. Get rid of your skype/whassup/ snapchat girls/ guys. But from what I've seen and heard so many don't. Yeah, no thanks
From what you seen and heard. That is some frightening data! Ha Ha Ha
That's a brave choice to make. And probably the best, at least for as long as you feel that way.
I'm not saying all line done people do, but I'm not just randomly assuming either. Look just on here how many talk bout doing that. And know people Irl who do that or have had that done to them. So it makes trust harder in relationships these days. Plus too many seem to "create" drama. I've had too much "real drama" to wanna deal with that nonsense. 🤷♀️
Belgians have this very polite habit that you can get together with anyone, but if it looks any serious, you either silently disappear from all of your 'mingles' or let them know you are not at that stage of your life any longer. And people seem very nice about it, usually are happy someone has found a meaningful person to be with (even if they lose a buddy or an interest of some sort)
@soleil2666 Oh I think I'm just done with the relationship thing. Unless someone"really" special came along.
Your dream boy is the one you have in reality, not in the dreamworld. Imperfection is perfect. So who do you actually feel love to? Your "dream guy" or your long time boyfriend?
@roland77 I literally answered that already. I know this dream guy is irrational.
Mother nature will always put a connection in our path whether we are with someone or not. She doesn't really care about things like relationships or commitment.
Thank you for seeing it right. Dreaming is good and healthy but just only a dream.
You up late af @coachTanthony
lol, you know his time zone?
The last one is in San Diego with his girlfriend...
Oh, you mean Coach? Yeah, he an hour behind me
Apparently not since I didn't see this message until now lol
Eh. It's all good. You an hour and 12 hours late, that's all
Well I am not an hour behind you so not sure who you speak of woman lol
Oh, I thought you were...
You do you boo! I get it.
If they share those stories while you are around, they are trying to spring you into action by making you jealous.
Yeah, most probably. But it is still annoying sometimes. My ex uses to do that a lot and some day I really got angry. I think it’s more about feeding the ego and attention seeking. Giving the message, “see? Everybody want me.”
At your age they sure do. Obstacles like this happen at every stage of your life. Get used to it.
Yeah, but immature as it is, they are just putting out. There are many young women who are surprisingly mature - maybe your company isn't, maybe they feel intimidated by you, maybe they thing you need to 'get out there'.It could be the environment/school you are in as well, people get into this thing of trying to impress each other (insecure as it is).
Ignore those people, I'm also not dresses "hip" or so. I ignore those people automatically.
Whatever you believe about yourself on the inside is what you will manifest on the outside. Why would you be a burden on him or anyone? Are you handicapped?
False accusations from a person who does it by herself. Feels pathetic to me.
@roland77 What the hell are you blubbering about, you pathetic fool?
Sorry, I mean your cousin's girlfriend here, not you. She accused him false and humiliated him by throwing a drink in his face. That is how I would feel in such situation.
Making right decisions usually comes from making the wrong ones. It's the only way to learn, adjust, and become better at seeing what you currently don't see.
Lmao I’m confused but also laughing
@Kaazsz Glad I can make someone smile. HahaWhat I mean is these are reasons I somehow stopped contacting most guys I was interested in. All points excluded the last (Duncan from Blue was my teenage crush who has all 5.)
Yes if you take the question literally. I am just meaning why aren't you going after the woman or man this is right for you.
Isn't that what we always do, until we find out they weren't? LOL hahaha
Yeah if you are going after that person. But so many people are afraid to even talk to anyone.
Yes, that's true, which is so ridiculous. When you're younger, that fear of rejection is so strong and ties into your how you view your self-worth. The older you get, I think you care less about that and more about what could be. But a wise person once told me that when you're old, you'll regret the things you didn't do more than some things you did do ! That makes sense to me.
Definitely. Regret comes when you are no longer able to do the thing you regret.
TRUE THAT !! LOL
Well there is more than one out there ya know?
She's the only one for besides no girl likes meam gonna die alone
You have YOUTH on your side. If I could be 21 again I would throw all caution to the wind and get on it. You should do that... just don't give a fuck man... get out there and kill it. Don't be a 48 year old man and look back and go damn I wish I would of done that.
I did lose a decent chunk of weight but the negativity really grew in on me and I'm trying to change my health life style and mindset about things so I hope this will go away
Looks and attractiveness in body is always subjective. I was called ugly, too. Women with me call me handsome. In other words, you will find one that likes your look!
You need to make it clear to her, that you are not her daughter. And may I know what you mean with "cockblocking"? Did she deny you sex with your boyfriend? And careful with making friends with relatives of your boyfriend. It is a nightmare caused by confluence.
You are such a hottie 😍
@roland77 i was friends with the girl first but was always crushing on her brother. He was closer to my age than she was. And no cockblocking as in not wanting us to be more than friends/bro/sis
So his mother influenced your relationship with him.
@roland77 she ruined it because he's a mommas boy and grew distant
Ah, he need to be brought out of that, but not by you maybe. I hope, one day he revolts against his mother.
Good you dropped the case with him.
@roland77 i want to write him a love letter but fear she’ll discover it first
Can you setup some kind of "encryption"? E. g. replace A with B, B with C and so on? At least she cannot read it. Or would that make her suspicious on it? (I guess so).
@roland77 i dont think he’d catch on 😂
Okay, at least I tried. ;-)
Yes for real
never heard of a rubix cube competititon... cool
I’m hoping he’ll message back or I’ll at least be able to meet him at a comp one way or another
afraid of what?
Y'know, the usual... rejection, loss of friendship, a yes.
Yeah it's a risk... no risk no reward. Do you not see it as a rewarding reward anymore?
It is an unobtainable mystery box I have little chance of ever opening. I've mostly run from the women I've met from online dating as they push me too quickly, just wanting sex before I even considered us to be in a relationship.
That is terrible LOL
I'm not really comfortable even hugging someone, I'd like the opportunity to get over that first without being forced to go further.
You know there are many men out there that would love to be in your shoes? Having women push them too quickly for sex and all? Right?
Yes, I am aware of that, I've always run from the few opportunities, even in my early 20s.
Well if you look at this with the glass half full it's not a terrible problem to have.
I wouldn't have minded so much if I didn't feel like I was being forced into something I wasn't ready for.
What happened to you.
I coughed up lots of blood
Get better soon dude.
Hey, get better soon! Or do you have to live always with it? Real women will feel sorry for your misery.
Well I don't mean literally... I mean just pursuing the opportunities.
She's too far away
You get that person when you are ready - and sometimes when you are not. It isn't a numbers nor a sales lead generation game. That works for sex or close-but-not-too-close relationships. Never heard where it worked out for anyone's soul.
His trust is broken, you probably need to earn that trust in being 101% loyal to him, no cheating, not even in mind (101%, 100% is only in body).
I am always 💯 with him and everyone else. I know his trust is broken, hell his ex left on the 4th of July with my ex. Which is what initially got us to talking in the first place, although I know he has been in/around the family since I was really little, as my cousin is his best friend/brother. I just never thought I would look at him the way I do now.
That is good of you, don't blame yourself here. His ex needs all the blame. So much abuse from one person is very harsh. I guess he needs more time in healing his wounds (in emotions) and you can do best to ask him, if he wants your moral/emotional support or if you should wait for him.I hope he is okay and is in therapy?
No guy ever is... her family will hate 99% of guys. That is just the way it goes. It's still a match made in heaven man.
Money over love then, you think to much and feel to less.
@roland77 he doesn't have a job.. he told me NOT to come there if he doesn't have one. Maybe I will visit him in the future.
He makes no sense, now I understand your response on it. Maybe try to make him into want you badly. I miss my distant (African) girlfriend a lot every day and I want her over here one day or another, no matter if I have a job or not. It is possible here in Germany.
@roland77 the guy I liked he's in Sweden. I will probably will never meet him. Even then he still might not have a job.
Must be sad for you then. Try it harder to make your dream come true, I guess.
@roland77 lol I 🤣 gave up a long time ago.
Well If I have to be part of the cattle then I will be the "FILET MIGNON" Ha
I don't have such feel of being rejected. It is natural, you cannot make it right for everyone.
Then she is not your dream woman at all. Maybe she just played on you.
@roland77 She didn't play me, subtle things she said and did prove that too me.She has been abused in some form by every person of significance in her life since she was born. She's psychologically broken, but I saw the good in her, not only did I see it, I drew it out.But because she's psychologically broken, she makes bad decisions, staying with the current shitbag she's with, whom she cheated on with me, being one of them.
Very sad to hear that she is psychologically broken. She needs healing and recovery from it and help, otherwise she will be abused more and will be hurt more. But since she has been abused (in what ever way, abuse is always wrong) since childhood, maybe she is hurt already to deeply.
Dude, I think you GAG account was hacked.