Is this considered extreme?

So I have these two friends (for the sake of simplicity, I'll call them Alice and Bob) who were dating, but who have since broken up. They dated for a few years (which in high school seems like forever). So Bob's mother hates Alice with a passion. I remember him telling me once that his mother told him that he could date any girl in the world as long as it wasn't Alice. Now, Alice is also my friend and I think she is wonderful. She is a smart, pretty, energetic and overall a positive person to be around.

Well, today Bob brought his yearbook to school to show me what his mother had done to it. Alice had written on an entire page of Bob's yearbook (from when they were dating). Bob's mother tore that whole page out of his yearbook and burned it. She also cut Alice's photo out of his yearbook and has removed every little love note from Alice in that yearbook with liquid paper.

Have any of you ever experienced something like this? If you have, please share :)

Also, if you're going to say something like, this is high school, the problems are stupid and have no relation to real life, stop. I'm aware that these may seem like petty problems to adults, but I think this also happens in adult relationships where the in-laws may have huge problems with you.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Oh wow- it sounds like Bob's mother is a little obsessive and has some maturity issues! Seriously, SHE is the one who's acting like she's in highschool! I'm not sure what to tell you about that, other than maybe avoid telling Alice, since all it's going to do is hurt her and I can't see any reason she needs to know about Bob's mother's petty vandilism.

    As for having 2 good friends who were an item suddenly break up, I can definitely relate. I had 2 really good friends (I'll call them Ted and Nancy) who dated for almost 3 years and broke up the summer after high school. It was difficult because it came as kind of a shock to Nancy to find that Ted had fallen out of love with her (I was less shocked, I'd seen it for awhile), so she was understably hurt and upset. This took the form of venting about Ted, getting rid of all the things he gave her etc., and of course needed a lot of support. Ted was likewise a little lost and leaned on me a lot. The difficult part was balancing the two and being able to allow Nancy her cathartic anger at Ted and allow Ted his justification of why Nancy wasn't the right girl for him (ie listing her faults).

    This is how I handled the situation. From the outset- I told them I loved them both and wanted to remain friends with them both. If either of them asked me to choose, I would refuse, possibly at the risk of the friendship with whoever demanded the choice. I did a lot of listening to them both talk about the other and while I was supportive, I refrained from ever agreeing that Ted really was the worst boyfriend ever or Nancy was horribly high maintenance. And, I think most importantly, I refused to carry tales between the two of them. If Nancy asked how Ted was, I gave the standard generic answer of "fine- busy with work and school", and Ted got the same answer if he asked about Nancy. I was able to be a supportive friend through the emotional stage of the breakup for both of them by refusing to be in the middle and I maintained my friendship with both after it ended, even to the point where we could all run into each other out one night (we live in a small town) and make polite small talk.

    Am I still friends with both now? No- Nancy moved away to finish her degree and we lost touch. Ted and I are still good friends though.


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  • Wow, that seems a little too extreme! I've never experienced anything like that first hand (thank god) and don't really want to. I feel sorry for your friend Alice. However, once a friend told me about this couple she knew and the in-laws. Apparently these in-laws disowned their son just because they hated the girl he was going to marry. It was actually quite bad, and the guy's parents were successful, loaded etc and they thought the girl was after his money. So they just threatened him, I don't think they meant to actually disown him and leave him out of the will because they thought that once the girl knew there was no money involved she'd leave, but she didn't and the parents just went through with it, to make a point or something. It's ironic that the guy became more successful and richer than the parents and the couple have been together for 18 years now, and have five kids :D

  • tell the mom to grow up