Would you continue to date your significant other if your parents didn't approve?

My parents do not approve of me dating my boyfriend because he comes from a different family background as me (mom left the family when he was really young/divorced parents) and because he hasn't graduated from college yet and is only working a mediocre job full-time. They haven't met my boyfriend yet so they don't even know what kind of person he is but they are saying that he's not good enough because of the fact that he doesn't have a college degree yet. I should date someone of my education level with same prestige of my job (I'm a biology researcher at a University). My parents are afraid that if I marry the guy then he'll make less money than me (because guys are supposed to be making more money and be the one that's supporting the family according to my mom) and that they don't want me to be miserable because I wouldn't have a lot of money to spare. I told them that it's not about money at all. He makes me happy and we are compatible. She just says those reasons are very elementary and I need to really think about how important education is and what kind of credentials he has and can offer. And they are very adamant that the guy that I bring home has to be from a whole-some "christian" family. I don't necessarily agree with my parents on the aspect of same family background and christian...and if he had a college degree that's a plus but I'm sure that if we love each other we will be happy.

I deeply carea bout what my parents think and definitely want them to like my boyfriend. They are saying that it's OK for me to be friends with him but not date him.

What should I do? What would you do if your family told you that they didn't approve of you dating your significant other because he/she is of a different family background and doesn't have a college degree?

My parents basically said that it's either you stop dating him but stay friends or we no longer have a relationship. Choose your boyfriend or your family. I mean obviously at this point what would you do? I keep going back and forth between
"this is my life. Let me make my own decisions" to "well they are my family and they know what's best for me. They've been in my life for 24 years..." And I just recently won the battle of dating outside of my race so in their eyes they can't "give" nmore


Most Helpful Girl

  • What is wrong with you? Are you your own person or just an extension of your parents? You shouldn't let your parents dictate your life. You are an adult and you can make your own decisions. If you are happy with your current boyfriend, then stay with him. So what if he doesn't have a college degree? What if you did date a man and eventually marry a man who comes from a Christian background and has a degree.

    That does not make him a better man in any way. For all you know, you could end up having a loveless, sh*tty life just because you dumped a man for the way he grew up. He obviously didn't have any great role models in his life and obviously had no one to encourage or support him through college so he could get a higher degree. Grow some balls and live your life for you.

    If I lived my life according to my parent’s wishes, I would not be happy, I would not be me and I would hate the person I was. I would be some blind little religious woman who had already pumped out five kids by the age of twenty. Live your life the way you want to. It’s the only way to be happy.

    • It is my life and I should do what I want to do. I totally agree with you on that one but what is hard is that my parents are traditional Asian parents who told me that it's either you date him and we no longer have a relationship or you stay friends with him and listen to us. I've already fought the "race" card because in the beginning they didn't approve that he's White. I've already fouht with my parents on that one and they said that it's OK that I date out side of my race but want me to set

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    • In my cultoure (or the one I have genes from anyway) its disrespectful as well. My folks are Greek so I feel for you. BUT you didn't answer the question. Are you absolutely positively certain he is the one for you for good?For life?How long have you known this guy for?Or is it a matter of at least having the choice to go out with whomever you like?Cause they are taking it pretty serious.If you're trying to make a point its different,you should fight for your rights.

    • You have the right to date whomever you like and I know all about culture, religion and all that. And I do know you need to take a stand at some point.So thumbs up. But I think they think this man is your future husband.Do you see him as your future husband?

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What Girls Said 3

  • Personally, I would listen to what my parents had to say (but by listen I mean "hear them out", not "do what they tell me"). Sometimes parents do have good reasons why they don't want their child dating someone, and sometimes their reasons aren't "good". I'd listen to them, think about what they've said, but in the end I would make what I think the best decision for ME is. Sure, your parents have been in your life for 24 years, but that doesn't mean that they've been in your head or your heart. The things that they value or want for you might not be the same things that you value or want for yourself. In the end, this is your life and so you need to do what makes you happy and it might not necessarily be what makes them happy. You're the one who lives with the decisions you make, and even if they turn out to be "bad" decisions, I'd rather make my own bad decisions and learn from them than to let someone else make these decisions for me.

    So, think about the things that your parents are concerned about.

    - his education - he hasn't graduated from college yet. Is he in college currently? If he is (or if he's planning on it and is the type who follows through with things), then I don't see the issue. He will have a college degree eventually. Just because he isn't in the same "place" educational-wise as you are doesn't mean that he won't get there. Or, if he will never have a college degree, are you okay with that?

    - the amount of money he makes - Again, if he's working on his college education, he probably doesn't plan on staying in his "mediocre" job forever. Maybe in the future he will make just as much, if not more, money as you do. But if he doesn't, are you okay with that? You don't strike me as a "golddigger" by any means, but people do have different views on what a "comfortable" life would be for them, or what their aspirations in life are that may require money. Personally, I'm not very materialistic and I don't care if I have a fancy house or expensive things, so I'm perfectly happy with what I'm able to afford on my own, but I do want to be with someone who pulls their own weight and isn't looking for a "free ride". As long as my partner can pay his share of the bills, I don't care how much above and beyond he makes. Some people do. I think your parents mean well---they want you to be well taken care of. But what's acceptable to you might be different than what's acceptable to them.

    - his home life - no one has control over their parents' marriage or behaviour. The fact that his mom split when he was young has nothing to do with him, nor does it mean that he himself doesn't value family, marriage, etc.

    Ideally, parents should accept that what makes their child happy might not be the same thing that would make them happy, and that they need to allow their child to make their own decisions and "mistakes" (if they see it as one). I'm sorry that your parents have given you an ultimatum about this.

    • You didn't say how long you've known/been with your boyfriend for, so it's hard to say exactly what to do. If you've only been with him for a short amount of time, then maybe it might be a good idea to keep your relationship with him on the down-low until you're more serious about each other. If you're already in a serious relationship with him and you don't agree with your parents' assessment, then I would stay with him and hope that your parents realize that you're an adult and that even if

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    • Thanks selfishstars. We've been dating for about 6months now and I've met his family already. Tho it's still early on in the reationship to be fighting with my parents (I've told them that I stand firm in what I believe in and am going to date him. My parents said they'll just have to let me go because they love me too much to just stand there and watch me make a mistake) dating him makes me happy and I just wish that they will understand that

    • And I don't want to lose him either. I feel that things could become more serious so Idont want to lose the opportunity and let him go.

  • This is an excellent question and I'm sorry you are in this situation cause it must be very difficult for you. Ok, If you are a biology researcher it means you are a PhD student? You are a post-grad right? (even if you aren't doing your PhD then you are at Uni which he never went). What I mean by that is that your parents seem very "traditional" people who have set ideas about how families should be like and how people should be like and relly put value on education, getting a good job and minimizing risk of having a life that does not reflect your potential. They sound like very lucky people with values who just want what's best for their child. From that perspective, I understand them completely because they want to protect you. And even if you don't necessarily agree with their views, deep down inside you know they are doing it out of love. You parents are afraid, because they've seen a lot of people out there who come from broken homes, or who had a difficult life and trauma happening to them (being left alone as a child classifies as trauma) and who don't have an education who end up making their partners lives a living hell! Because irrespective of good intentions, they probably believe that love or being in love fades after a while, reality kicks in and that's when real life problems commence. That's when the rose tinted glasses are broken and you see the other person warts and all. They are afraid that this guy could exhibit unhealthy personality traits, or control you in the long run out of insecurity or jealousy. The money issue has to do with you building a life with a person that might be self-conscious of making less money than you and which might cause friction in the relationship. So they want you to stay friends with him, so as to keep your options open and meet a guy that has all the "credentials" and who might due to upbringing and education cause less problems. They want you to live a happy life. Its your life. You need to be aware that there IS a chance they could be right. Dating this man does not mean he will turn out to be a "serial killer" by any menas. A lot of people out there had sh*t childhoods and are nice! And capable of giving love and being balanced. But with what is going on around us, it doesn't hurt to be safe. So I think the question is whether YOU believe that he is the one and not what THEY believe. Are you absolutely, 100 per cent certain from what YOU have seen that he is the one for you? If that is the case, and you trully took the time to get to know him, see his core values, take on life, attitudes etc and you know that he is going to enhance your life rather than restrict it then keep dating him and your parents who love you will accept him and come round. I can guarantee you that!

  • Personally I Defently Would Carry On Seeing Him x