Dating a narcissist. How to deal with the pain?

I dated the most self-centered, attention seeking jerk for 3 years and am still dealing with the pain and low self-esteem it's left me with. He mad me feel worthless, I gave up on my dreams, and practically had to start my life over at 25.

Would love to hear stories of other people who have dealt with narcissistic partners and how they overcame the shattered lives they leave you with. I am completely broken and feel like I'm the one to blame, when he's been the abuser. Do they really feel nothing for their "victim" and did he really just use me for his own ego boost? I've read a lot about it, but having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that he could probably care less about me in any way when I would have done anything for him.


Most Helpful Guy

  • If he has impacted you this strongly, you may want to think about some professional counseling and a possible support group. I was not quite as old as you are when I went through something similiar in the Navy. It made me feel worthless - even suicidal at one point. I look back now and realize that I wasn't worthless. She was. Getting your self esteem back is the first, most important and hardest part. You need to know that you are not worthless. He is. He is a dominating moron who deserves to be alone for the rest of his life.

    Remember that it is better to be alone for all the RIGHT reasons than be with somebody for all the WRONG reasons.

    Are you religious? Involved with a church? If so, get into the singles group there. You may not necessarily find somebody in the group, but you are going to be with others who are dealing with single life. There may be a special guy there. Or somebody may know somebody else for you. Either way, I think you will find somebody of better character, higher morals and nicer guy than in a bar. No, I am not a Bible beater, but I believe that you will have better success going this route.

    You are not worthless.

    • I actually did start seeing a therapist because I don't want to ruin my life based on this loser and just want to get over it. Unfortunately the heart takes longer to catch up with the brain who knows better. Good suggestion with church but no, I'm not really religious. Maybe I can try another group with good people. It just seems hard to motivate myself these days to enjoy anything

    • My first love broke my heart when I went off to the Navy at 18. It took me over a decade to finally see her for what she was (she was screwing around behind my back while I was away). It took a long time to really trust anybody again. If you are not religious, I might suggest it but won't push it. There are non-religious singles groups that you can get involved with. I am trying to steer you clear of bars, etc. My brother met his 4th wife in a bar - yup, he has a real good track record.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Iv haven't had a "partner" before. But I had a friend (guy) who was exactly the same way with me. It may sound like common sense but I'm telling you right now get people like that out of your life ASAP. Don't ever think you can "change" them or make them like you you cant. Once I got him out of my life I felt 10 times better and haven't looked back. Only surround yourself with people who support you not who drag you down. As far as feeling broken dont. I know how feel. Don't let one loser like ruin it for you. That would pretty ridiculous to base your entire self worth on what one person thinks of you wouldn't it?

    • Ok, he is out of my life, but I always wonder, what if he could change? I'm glad you said they can't. I guess I don't base my worth on him, but I was planning on marrying him and he was the closest I've ever let anyone into my life so I feel like a part of me is missing, and yet, he probably could care less. That is what hurts the most. When you love someone genuinely and they don't care.

    • I know how you feel trust me. He wasn't my boyfriend obviously lol but I used to think he was like the coolest guy ever too which is why he bothered me so much that he hurt my feelings like that. But trust me 100% he won't change youl regret going back to him and you will meet other people who will make you happy without treating you like crap.

  • are you exhausted?

    • funny question, but yes. I think it's called depression though...

    • now I don't know what to say anymore. normally at this point, you'll know better to do or even already did what you must. Good luck though. ^^

    • other than your boyfriend stuff, I currently experiencing the same problem like yours. but I still got no clue to start over my life, yet I got no aid.

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