Should I call him when I receive a message from him?

I wish I had an older brother or older sister. Someone savvy to talk to about how to navigate my first real relationship. But you guys and girls seem pretty cluey about this kind of stuff, so I hope you can help me.

We're both in our early-to-mid twenties, so not a teenage thing.

As I said, I recently started my first real relationship, with an amazing guy. I really mean that: it isn't stars-in-the-eyes syndrome. He's smart, kind and funny. He overlooks many things about me I thought were deal-breakers for everyone else. We get on great. It's been two months.

I can't stop second-guessing almost everything I do. For example, I don't know when I should ring him instead of text. He's always the one initiating the phone calls, but I don't want to catch him at a bad time then feel stupid and self-conscious.

Example: he plays soccer, and his team is in the final. I'll be at a function, so I asked when I should ring to find out how they go, as I didn't want to interrupt anything. He said he'd message me after the game finishes. Does this most likely mean I can ring when I get the message? Or is the message meant to be to let me know how it goes without my ringing?

I'm also just worried I'll screw it up, or he'll decide I'm not the one for him. This isn't the only thing I've worried about, but the above example is a snapshot of what goes on in my head constantly.

I love his company. I just can't love my own company when I'm doing mental loops. Please help: I don't want him to know how lame I'm being =[

Thanks girls: I wish I could have split "Best Answer" between you!

The post-game phone call/message thing worked out fine: he messaged me, and asked if I'd be available to take a call later =]

It's showed how I am insecure about myself, and how much this impacts on how I relate to him and his behaviour.

I think I just need to stop overthinking.

Thank you for all your help and advice <3


Most Helpful Girl

  • regarding the soccer game: I'd reply to his message with a message. I'm assuming that regardless of if they win or lose, the team will probably want to stick together after the game- perhaps not the best time to call...

    and I completely understand your predicament. your second-guessing is just indicative of how much you like him and how much you don't want to screw things up...but if he is the good guy that you paint him to be, do you think that calling him once or twice at an inconvenient time will really put a damper on things? :p when in doubt, message him...but at the same time, I'm sure he'd appreciate it if you initiated a phone conversation. call him when you KNOW that he isn't busy, maybe you can even message him beforehand and ask him that prior to calling, 'hey, if you're not busy, wanna chat?' something along those lines. 2 months is early yet, so I'm sure, over time, you will grow to become more comfortable with how you interact with him.

    please don't stress out. the constant over-thinking just shows how much he means to you, and it most certainly is something that will go away with time. message me if you want to talk and good luck! :)


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What Girls Said 1

  • I tend to overthink things too, but you know what I say? Whatever's gonna happen is gonna happen. Stop stressing yourself out and live in the moment. Worrying isn't going to help you any. If anything it could just stress you out and make you paranoid, which could only hurt your relationship.

    Be who you are and if you two are right for each other, things will work out. You don't want to be fake in your relationship. Most guys don't like talking on the phone as far as I know, so I'd be more likely to send my boyfriend a text than call him. If it's something that can be said quickly, text it. If there's something you actually need to talk to him about, call him. Simple as that. Just don't call before 10AM or after midnight...

    Also, I agree with Slipslender about the game.